That is the cry of the "innocent victim" . . . most often followed by, "After all I've done for you!" Does this sound at all familiar? »more»

At midlife, some of us find ourselves in a crisis due in part to the feeling that we're living as we will when we're old--we do the same old things every day, looking at that same old face across the table, talking about the same old things, being annoyed in the same old way, and seeing our opportunities diminish slowly as our health problems increase. It's terrifying. »more»

By definition, according to the Penguin English Dictionary 2nd Edition sitting here on my desk, a crisis is "a time of acute difficulty or danger..." So if you break that down, to embrace the term "midlife crisis" really translates into "my life is in or is headed for acute difficulty or danger". »more»

The more I step into this place of being open about early midlife celebrations, the more women I've noticed coming forward with their stories of frustration and loss. And when I say "loss", what I'm hearing more and more is that they've lost sight of who they are and are frustrated about who they've become. »more»

I'll cut right to the chase: I think my parents taught me that love is putting up with a lot of ill treatment and staying no matter what.

My own notion of love was that it would be like having a best friend and lover for the rest of my life, and we would have little problems but we'd adjust. »more»

You can usually spot a creative person because they seem lost and confused or doing too many things at once. Time management simply bedevils creative types. Whether it’s keeping focused on projects or just getting the stuff of life done, a bubbling cauldron of chaos is usually close at hand. »more»

Here at LifeTwo we believe that 'midlife crisis' is often a normal depression that happens in midlife. So anything that reduces the risk of depression also reduces the risk of midlife crisis. »more»

Two books on dealing with grief showed up in my mailbox last week. "Solace" by Roberta Temes and "Life Between Falls" by Julie Lange. While it may have been a coincidence that I got them at the same time, it was fortuitous nonetheless. »more»

As I've often written, midlife has little or nothing to do with age. It happens when it happens. It's a psycho-spiritual event, a transformation from adult to maturity, from self-confidence to serenity. The demarcation area (midlife) can be identified by one overwhelming feeling: fear. Even more specifically, it's a fear of 'losing it' (whatever 'it' may be). You don't even have to be able to identify what 'it' is: all you need to recognize the midlife transition is to experience the fear of losing it. Dealing effectively with that fear takes you to maturity; failing to address it leads you to midlife crisis. So, how can you deal effectively with what is very often a nameless fear? All you need to acquire (and, incidentally, this constitutes the essence of the spiritual transition) is a deeper self-knowledge. You don't really 'need' anything . . . you have everything you require.

Want some help? Here's a little exercise that I've put together for you to help you to work through this transition. The instructions are simple: a) Write down your answers; b) Do not read beyond this paragraph until you're finished with the exercise;. c) Work through each of the three phases of the exercise in order. That's it! It should take you approximately a half-hour to complete the exercise. Ready to begin?

1. Complete this sentence "I am a _____________" as many times as you can, each time filling in the blank with a different word or phrase (a minimum of 20 times).
2. For each of the statements you wrote down in phase 1, re-write each statement with at least 5 different descriptors (for example: "I am a married [descriptor] man [word or phrase from phase 1]."
3. For each descriptor-word (or phrase) set, circle the ones that are virtually impossible to change (for example: your height, your IQ, your sexual identity). Make sure that you only circle the impossible characteristics, not the merely difficult.

When you've completed your list and circled the appropriate characteristics, only then read on.

»more»

No, it's not a misspelling (and yes, I do make frequent use of my spell-checker). As our agrarian past fades from our collective memory, so will the images of pastoral scenes, farm implements, and, yes, even stiles. I even had some trouble finding a decent photo of one (and this one's from England, where the rural life still survives). What made me think of a 'stile' (a ladder providing access over a fence or wall) today was an interview I had last night with Rabbi Ed Weinsberg. Ed faced and overcame the challenges of prostate cancer just a very few years ago, and he's written a book that documents his story (and others) for the benefit of the 1/6 of all men who'll be facing that disease. For Ed, the experience catapulted him to a higher appreciation of faith, love, and even sex.

It's a fact of the human condition: transitions never come easily. They always appear as an interruption in the kind of life we desire and even plan for: a life of security, tranquility, ease, and peace. Yet, as I've written fairly often, the so-called 'interruption' is the reality, the sense of security is the illusion. Our 'common sense' lies to us, and tries to convince us that these disruptive events that come hurtling like projectiles into our lives are obstacles to our happiness and progress. Obstacles? Or, are they, in fact, the steps that take us up and over the obstacles? I submit to you that, just perhaps, these disruptions — even the big and painful ones — are what stimulate change and growth and that, without them, we'd face stagnation and decay. "No pain, no gain" is true particularly because every change involves a painful separation from our status quo.

»more»