Submitted by Gemma on December 23, 2009 - 4:00pm.
First, let start by saying that I am very thankful that this website is here. I had no clue anything like this existed, the midlife crisis and this website, until I was thrown into this basically overnight!! I have been happily married for 24 1/2 years now, and married my best friend!! We got married when we were 18 and even waited 10 years before we decided to have any children. We did everything together and I was so fortunate to have fell in love and could call that person my best friend!! My girl friend count is even low because everything I did involved my spouse. Our son is 16 years old, and he and his dad were sooooooo close. There again, great relationship!! We live in a small town, and everyone knows us, and the closeness and bond this family has. We were inseperable!! Spouse would always say that he would be lost without me,and that we were his everything!! That is until 10/17/09. That is when I found the text records from our cellular provider. He went to look at a job for our company and was baited there from a past girl friend that he had not seen in almost 20 years. She contacted us thru our company website and lured him there with a drainage problem. The MLC is bad enough, but this chick has serious issues and my spouse is like #15 on the happily married man saga that she stalks and goes after to wreck the family!! The man before my spouse was married 21 years and 3 kids, but she ruined that family too. His MLC signs are the inflated ego, he is THE man, and there is no doubt about it in his world. He has worked all his life to provide a great home and all the perks that go with it, for me and our son, but now it is all about his happiness. He is going to make himself happy this time. He is violent one minute and mellow the next. Loves me, but isn't in love with me anymore. Has become obsessed with money, which he doesn't have. I moved the money and put everything in my name once I realized what I was up against. This chick has total control of him. He has been moved out for almost 2 months now, stayed with a buddy for most of that time, and now has an apartment with the OW. Her husband is a doctor and I am told that she will never leave the money, she simply gets her cookies off stalking happily married men. My spouses buddy and his wife couldn't deal with the OW. They saw right thru her in the first 5 minutes. His male friends have pretty much abandoned him. I think the kicker for me to even question any of this was how he turned on his son. His own flesh and blood. For weeks he would walk right by him and act like our son was not even in the room. Then he threatened him 3 times for asking him to leave me alone. My spouse has become so mean, says mean things, flaunted the relationship with OW in my face. He immediately wanted a divorce, hasn't wanted to think about anything, total wreckless decision making. Did not work for almost 2 months, everything about him and what he used to enjoy doing, he no longer does. I filed for divorce, had to in order to protect the personal and business assets, and our son. Our son wants nothing to do with his dad for what he has put our family through. My spouse couldn't stand coming into an empty house, would always call asking where we were if no one was home. Now he LOVES being alone. Family and friends are still in shock. They say he had it all. Was living the american dream.
Great family, wonderful home in the country, successful business. He has walked away from it all, saying he wants a simpler life. Doesn't know how much longer he will have on this earth, but going out happy. Now it's 2 days before Christmas and no husband, no dad!! I feel like I am in a nightmare that I can't get out of. After his buddies basically ripped him a new a$$ about how he was treating our son, he did try to talk to our son, and had the nerve to ask why his son was mad at him???? Cops were here at our home for that one. Spouse did seem upset and was crying. The officer said he could already see a change in the spouse and didn't give the OW thing another 2-3 months. I have restraining orders, exclusive occupancy and custody of our son now. He has not seen or spoke to either one of us for over a month now. I understand that there is no emotional attachment, but he has done a 180 and with no regret, or doesn't seem like there is. I do see him drive by the house a couple of times a week too, but he can't see anything because we live so far back off the road. I pray every night for safety and strength to get through this. It is such a terrible place to be.
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Start Here: Our Key Articles About midlife crisis - man / male
Submitted by Greg on August 7, 2006 - 4:51pm.
This "Twenty Questions About Midlife Crisis" section is an ongoing effort to collect all of LifeTwo's best information about midlife crisis in one place. »more»
Submitted by Greg on August 24, 2006 - 11:01am.
Our research into midlife crisis has convinced us that there's no such thing.
No one thing, anyway. »more»
Submitted by Greg on October 23, 2006 - 10:28pm.
Here's where we're going to put links to interesting "what I did during my midlife crisis" stories as we come across them ...
Submitted by Greg on August 23, 2006 - 2:39pm.
The conventional wisdom is that midlife crises usually feature extramarital affairs.
But one may have little to do with the other.
Middle-aged people -- of either gender -- have affairs. But many have nothing to do with the usual midlife crisis. Rather, they are the result of placing low value on the relationship, and poor bonding with one's spouse. »more»
Submitted by Wesley on January 31, 2008 - 10:29am.
According to a comprehensive study of data from 80 countries, researchers at Britain's Warwick University and America's Dartmouth College have confirmed what people in their forties have known for years, middle age is indeed truly miserable. Researchers discovered that "for both men and women the probability of depression peaks around 44 years of age. »more»
Submitted by Greg on July 19, 2006 - 11:46pm.
While researching her book The Breaking Point: How Today's Women Are Navigating Midlife Crisis, Wall Street Journal columnist Sue Shellenbarger discovered that "women not only undergo bigger changes than men in middle age, but they also by some measures have a more positive attitude about their prospects in life."
One key source was "Turning Points In Adulthood," a chapter in the MacArthur Foundation's "How Healthy Are We? A National Study of Well-Being At Midlife." It shows that men and women are distinctly different in a measure of life fulfillment.
Researchers found that before 50, less women than men feel they have "fulfilled a special dream" in the last five years (24% vs 40%). But after 50, women's fulfillment goes up -- to 36% -- while men's falls to about 28%. »more»
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Our Most Recent Articles About midlife crisis - man / male
Submitted by JedDiamond on March 1, 2010 - 7:44pm.
Jed Diamond, Ph.D. has been a marriage and family counselor for the last 45 years. He is the author of 8 books, including Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, Male Menopause, The Irritable Male Syndrome, and Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome (May, 2010). »more»
Submitted by Wesley on February 19, 2010 - 12:19pm.
Two frequent topics on LifeTwo are infidelity and the male midlife crises. Both of these subjects are covered in the new book "The Politician" which chronicles presidential candidate John Edwards' ongoing extra-marital affair. »more»
Submitted by Gemma on December 23, 2009 - 4:00pm.
First, let start by saying that I am very thankful that this website is here. I had no clue anything like this existed, the midlife crisis and this website, until I was thrown into this basically overnight!! I have been happily married for 24 1/2 years now, and married my best friend!! »more»
Submitted by purposeful2009 on November 29, 2009 - 8:06pm.
Where do I begin...this is my first post EVER so please forgive my spelling, rambling, and anything else that may make this hard to read.
I have read some of the postings and decided to ask for help from all of you as my situation is unknown to me. »more»
Submitted by hlesbrown on August 9, 2009 - 11:56am.
As I've often written, midlife has little or nothing to do with age. It happens when it happens. It's a psycho-spiritual event, a transformation from adult to maturity, from self-confidence to serenity. The demarcation area (midlife) can be identified by one overwhelming feeling: fear. Even more specifically, it's a fear of 'losing it' (whatever 'it' may be). You don't even have to be able to identify what 'it' is: all you need to recognize the midlife transition is to experience the fear of losing it. Dealing effectively with that fear takes you to maturity; failing to address it leads you to midlife crisis. So, how can you deal effectively with what is very often a nameless fear? All you need to acquire (and, incidentally, this constitutes the essence of the spiritual transition) is a deeper self-knowledge. You don't really 'need' anything . . . you have everything you require.
Want some help? Here's a little exercise that I've put together for you to help you to work through this transition. The instructions are simple: a) Write down your answers; b) Do not read beyond this paragraph until you're finished with the exercise;. c) Work through each of the three phases of the exercise in order. That's it! It should take you approximately a half-hour to complete the exercise. Ready to begin?
- Complete this sentence "I am a _____________" as many times as you can, each time filling in the blank with a different word or phrase (a minimum of 20 times).
- For each of the statements you wrote down in phase 1, re-write each statement with at least 5 different descriptors (for example: "I am a married [descriptor] man [word or phrase from phase 1]."
- For each descriptor-word (or phrase) set, circle the ones that are virtually impossible to change (for example: your height, your IQ, your sexual identity). Make sure that you only circle the impossible characteristics, not the merely difficult.
When you've completed your list and circled the appropriate characteristics, only then read on.
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Submitted by hlesbrown on August 9, 2009 - 11:52am.
No, it's not a misspelling (and yes, I do make frequent use of my spell-checker). As our agrarian past fades from our collective memory, so will the images of pastoral scenes, farm implements, and, yes, even stiles. I even had some trouble finding a decent photo of one (and this one's from England, where the rural life still survives). What made me think of a 'stile' (a ladder providing access over a fence or wall) today was an interview I had last night with Rabbi Ed Weinsberg. Ed faced and overcame the challenges of prostate cancer just a very few years ago, and he's written a book that documents his story (and others) for the benefit of the 1/6 of all men who'll be facing that disease. For Ed, the experience catapulted him to a higher appreciation of faith, love, and even sex.
It's a fact of the human condition: transitions never come easily. They always appear as an interruption in the kind of life we desire and even plan for: a life of security, tranquility, ease, and peace. Yet, as I've written fairly often, the so-called 'interruption' is the reality, the sense of security is the illusion. Our 'common sense' lies to us, and tries to convince us that these disruptive events that come hurtling like projectiles into our lives are obstacles to our happiness and progress. Obstacles? Or, are they, in fact, the steps that take us up and over the obstacles? I submit to you that, just perhaps, these disruptions — even the big and painful ones — are what stimulate change and growth and that, without them, we'd face stagnation and decay. "No pain, no gain" is true particularly because every change involves a painful separation from our status quo.
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Submitted by hlesbrown on August 9, 2009 - 11:49am.
Recently, from a business, personal, and spiritual perspective, I've been doing a lot of meditating on [apparent] failure. Right now, I can't think of a more apropos topic for people facing and experiencing the midlife transition. For one thing, your successes don't precipitate a midlife crisis. In fact, an uninterrupted string of successes can actually insulate you from undergoing the midlife transition, leaving you for longer than expected — and longer than necessary — state of im-maturity. When you're 'blessed' with success, you may be getting what you want, but to your own detriment: not getting what you really need.
I ardently agree with Friedrich Nietzsche that "What does not kill me, makes me stronger." The contrary, may very well also be true: What pampers me, makes me weaker. Getting your own way may, for a time, seem like a triumph; but, is it really? Does it actually move you forward, or does it, more often than not, lead you further into imminent trouble? Do negative consequences hold you back in fact, or are they, rather, 'medicinal blessings'?
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Submitted by amatchmadein7 on August 2, 2009 - 10:45pm.
Who’s who? Why not show them the real you? »more»
Submitted by amatchmadein7 on July 24, 2009 - 1:32pm.
Here are some characteristics which men have shared that they do not like in women:
Hair- Untouchable, over processed or bleached, roots showing, badly colored, extreme styling
Nails - dirty, chipped or peeling polish, wild or garish nail color, ultra extreme lengths
Clothing - too revealing, too tight, not appropriate for the planned activity, overdressed, untouchable »more»
Submitted by amatchmadein7 on July 23, 2009 - 1:12am.
Yesterday’s blog focused on how to make a favorable first impression. Sometimes, it can be just as important to know what to avoid. Today’s entry offers some traits which women have shared that they do not like in men:
Hair- Obvious comb-overs in order to disguise balding, badly fitted hairpieces, hair too long and dated, extreme hairstyles - too punk or too old, uncombed »more»
Submitted by amatchmadein7 on July 23, 2009 - 1:02am.
What's not to like? First impressions count! Got an initial in person meeting coming up? Don't miss this week’s blog posts: How not to disappoint. »more»
Submitted by DazedAndConfused on June 23, 2009 - 11:16am.
This is one of the most haunting songs I've ever heard. This song has to be about MLC, depression, divorce, etc. It starts with a male voice on the left and the female voice on the right. After the crosses, the sides switch.
"For millions of years mankind lived just like the animals.
Then something happenend which unleashed the power of our imagination. »more»
Submitted by DazedAndConfused on June 22, 2009 - 3:55pm.
I had never heard the term "emotional affair" before I stumbled over it in an online article about a month ago. When I read the column, I sat at my computer in numb recognition, followed by a sense of grief and horror. I was in one and I hadn't realized what it was or how dangerous and painful it was going to be. »more»
Submitted by BFoster on April 30, 2009 - 9:58am.
The guy who divorces his wife, gets a hot girlfriend and buys a red Corvette is a hoary but oft repeated stereotype of a man going through a midlife crisis. It’s unclear what comes first, the girlfriend or the sports car but that doesn’t really matter. I work with men going through mid life transitions and to my knowledge, not one of them owns a sports car. »more»
midlife crisis - man / male : Books, Websites, and Other Resources
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