Divorce after 40 Years

Wesley, you mentioned that people are healthier and living longer now. I think also that married partners no longer depend on each other as much as they used to. Culturally, way back in the sixties and seventies the idea that people would live intertwined was put down. In these articles about MLC spouses, I see that those who once lived together and fulfilled different tasks in the marriage are splitting, with one spouse deciding to break free, leaving the other one with a life torn in half. I've wondered if the left behind spouse was too enmeshed, or if they were normal and it was the leaving spouse that had intimacy issues.

My mom and dad have been married 50 years, or so. They could split up now but my dad would die of malnutrition and my mom would quickly run out of fun money.

In my own marriage I have grown passive and weak. I seem to be at my best deciding how to take care of my spouse and the child I have at home for another couple of years. Beyond that, I don't know. I suppose people get the urge to see what they're made of. We don't converse much, and it feels like the juice is running out. But then all of the things we see that people are doing to stay vitalized, aren't things I would like to do. I don't want to run a marathon or climb a mountain. I do want to publish my novel and paint pictures. I don't want to go back to school and get another master's degree. But I do want to earn some money. I don't like how my husband acts sometimes, but then I don't like how I act either.

I have one clue: I have a bad kind of pride sometimes, and I am currently looking at humility and gratefulness as a new way to live. Maybe I won't be earning money. But I know that I do take these great things I have for granted, and I have the problems of a middle class housewife, which is really not bad.

Going back to the seventies again; wasn't it surrendering if you accepted your lot in life? You were supposed to throw it way and just go for broke. That was the romantic thing to do. Now I think it is the childishly egotistical thing to do. Maybe there's a third way besides settling or running away. Maybe that is to center and ground yourself and do a great task, one that you were born to do. That would be amazing, wouldn't it?