This is no joke: Getting along with your mother-in-law

While we joke about mother-in-laws, it is a complex relationship filled with conflict potential. Since understanding a problem is the first step to solving it, having a book like Terri Apter's "What Do You Want from Me?: Learning to Get Along with In-Laws" is a good starting point. Written so that it is equally beneficial to either side of the divide, the focus is on dispelling the fantasies, expectations and assumptions that underlie the relationship from the beginning. From Newsweek:

A lot of daughters-in-law assume that no matter how modern their mothers-in-law are, they are judging them based on the standards of traditional housewives: the ability to keep a clean house, be a good cook, and raise respectful children. At the same time, mothers-in-law often interpret the decisions of their daughters-in-law to do things differently as a rejection of their own choices. Daughters-in-law assume that as a fellow woman, their mother-in-law will be their ally when they disagree with their husband. But guess what? Her role as his mom trumps the call to sisterhood.

Here are the biggest mistakes made by each side according to Apter:

The Five Biggest Mistakes Mothers-in-Law Make:

1) Assuming your daughter-in-law wants your advice.

2) Thinking the mother-son relationship will not change after his marriage.

3) Offering to help out with housework or disciplining the children which is often perceived as criticism.

4) Trying too hard to be nice.

5) Criticizing your daughter-in-law to your son.

The Five Biggest Mistakes Daughters-in-Law Make:

1) Being thin-skinned.

2) Taking a confrontational stand too quickly.

3) Expecting equal treatment.

4) Letting things slide at the start.

5) Failing to put yourself in her shoes.

If you are entering into a new in-law relationship and/or want to better understand the one you are in, Apter's book might be a better approach than just joking about it.

Amazon link: What Do You Want from Me?: Learning to Get Along with In-Laws