The lure of negativity

I look at it slightly different than that. I look at it as there are lessons to learn and those lessons have always been there and each time we, or better yet our egos, find ways to avoid learning it. But the lesson needs to come out and be learned so as time goes on, our egos build up more to protect itself and the lesson gets more difficult to learn, meaning what you have to go through becomes more difficult. The lesson has to do with something from within that individual, and i am finding it usually revolves around self love, self trust, or just plain yourself. So whatever lesson pushes us into the arms of another, that in itself is part of the lesson, but that person then becomes a mirror for us. What do we do in a mirror? we are forced to look at ourselves. We refused to learn this when it would have been easier, so now we are being thrown into this crisis mode and it becomes much more difficult. Now it becomes even more complicated because your ego is now running with it, allowing this other person to fog up the original mirror (the spouse) and in steps the chances of infidelity. That infidelity could be a physical one, emotional one or both. Ultimately, everyone in our life represents a mirror at some level for us.

Dave

I do agree with you, Dave. Once we have basic survival, the lessons to learn are all there before us. It's funny because if I look for a romance, at the same time I know I don't have it in me and that's why I'm looking for it from outside. But with others being a mirror, I'd only find my disconnect again.

Lisa,

I have read many of your posts, and we have interacted here and there on other threads. You are on much the same path as my wife and i admire you for it. Basically alot of the self reflection she has gone through opened up my mind and heart and made me slef reflect. It has been the best thing that has ever happened to us. We are coming out of this midlife transition (no longer crisis) and bonded stronger than we ever have been. I have learned so much and have some people my wife has reached out to, to thank for that as well as my wife and my own introspection.

Its been along journey, but nothing like many have had. Now as far as what you just responded to...

You do have it inside you, you just need to tap into it. you have romance or you would havfe left your husband. You tried to find it outside your marriage at one point if i am correct (if not i whole heartily appologize) That is the mirror, do you see that? The mirror may be foggy towards your husband as far as romance and whatever, and maybe the mirror looks clear somewhere else, whether that is another man, alone or what have you. its just a mirror of yourself and they are just feelings, they do not define who you are.

I understnad the disconnect with others being a mirror, i went through that with my wife. You start feeling you are not giving to yourself what you need to be doing and yet you feel like you are giving to everyone else at times? Your mirrors are fogging up again. I posted on another thread about tracking when your feelings are stronger than other times during the month. I think you will find that you may have something similar going on. For my wife, roughly 10-12 days prior to her period the fog sets in. Then when the period arrives the fog starts to lift, and much of it clears if you allow it to and then the process starts over again. need i mention that the man in your life needs to be aware, change and so on to deal with it. e needs compassion for what you are going through and work on himeslef.

Hang in there, search your heart and follow it, but make sure you are folling your heart and not your ego. ;)

I wishyou the best in your journey. I know this sounds crazy, bu its true. try and enjoy it and let that turn into a transition not a crisis.

Dave