The Low-Speed Chase

You’ve heard of cops engaging in high-speed chases to catch criminals. Then OJ Simpson made the low-speed chase a new buzz word when he was avoiding arrest. The concept can be applied to dating, although it is not to avoid incarceration. It might be to avoid entanglement, but it also might be a sound strategy for engagement.

When two people get together too fast, the common advice is, “Slow down. Get to know each other.” Yet few of us heed this counsel.

A man and I have been flirting for a year. We had 3 dates, then another man and I decided to be exclusive. But because the other man and I had struck up a good connection I asked if he’d like to remain friends.

We talk every two weeks and get together for coffee or a walk once a month. I always enjoy the conversations. He makes me laugh, is intellectually stimulating, emotionally stable, physically attractive, affectionate and brings qualities of character, ethics, and self-awareness I’ve not seen in others. When my then-beau and I broke up, I let this man know. We continued our regular talks, emails and get togethers, although it didn’t escalate because he was between jobs and didn’t have the bandwidth to take on a relationship, and I didn’t really want to date a man who was unemployed. (It's not just that he's unemployed. This has been a financial disaster for him, expending all his savings so he had to give up his apartment and move in with a relative.)

The flirting has continued and in fact, escalated a bit. He sends loving and flirtatious emails and still calls every other week.

It feels like a low-speed chase.

I am used to men who are interested in me putting on a full-press pursuit pretty quickly. Although I’ve seen those fizzle after a few weeks or months. So this slower pace is foreign but appreciated. I don’t feel like he’s just trying to seduce me. I feel we’re getting to know each other. It feels respectful.

Would I like the low-speed chase to quicken to a medium-speed chase? Yes and no. If he were employed, definitely. But while he’s in this limbo I don’t think it is wise to move to the next level.

Will I wait for him to get a job? I will continue to see other men and will welcome his contacts. He needs to decide he wants to step up the wooing, as I’m not going to pursue him. But I will keep sending him leads for jobs he’s qualified for so I can help him get on his feet and hopefully increase his chase pace.

What do you think about slow- versus fast-paced chases? Which do you prefer?