Refilling my life after emptying the nest

I have an 18 YO going off to college soon. I never thought I'd feel this way but I'm almost halfway to letting her go. She's still just a child and she'll make mistakes, and I'm going to feel like there's a big hole in the house. But I know what my perception was like at that age, and this is inevitable. She's jumping soon.

Who am I if not Mom? I don't know.

dont b sad b happy cause she knows the directions bac home 2 where the luv is and affections r b glad that she is goin 2 college she is comin of age and remember the job u did as a mother and friend 2 get her there so b proud and lettin go is the hardest thing 2 do but u will and like i said her heart knows where home is so take care and good luck..

That's why I decided I'm going to start a blogspot. I believed there were many women out there like me and you, who consider being a mom as their first job, and now are facing "retirement." (so to speak, although we both know we're moms for life) I believe that the answer to this situation is in networking with other women and finding out what worked for each other, and going from there. The best help starts with knowing we're not alone.

I have five kids (yes it's funny, two still live at home but I'm already moping. Chalk it up to knowing my youngest will become a teen this August and there isn't a baby after him waiting in the wings) but one of my daughters is at college. We are coming to the end of her second year. The issue I'm facing now is that next year, her junior year, she'll be getting an apartment with a few other girls. She assures me she won't be living there year round and would still come home for the summer, but good grief--it's another step into self reliance for her (which is good, I know) and away from me. I know they're little steps so that I can get used to it, but it still bothers me. She'll have her own place, and that means she can drive up there and stay a week in the summer, work up there, visit her boyfriend etc, and that's another step away from me. We're close, and we'll always be close. I know that too, but I'm not ready to see her bedroom empty yet.

I know how you feel. It's so hard to not look back and remember them as tiny little people who ran around your house and who had smiles that could light up a room. I'm sure your daughter's smile still lights up a room. One thing to realize, is that whether she's at home or at college, she still needs and loves her mom. That will never change. If you don't already know how to text, consider learning. Text messages on your cell are so fun shared between you when she has a great grade on a test... or a question about an assignment... etc. Aren't cell phones great?

Consider using Facebook. My daughter would post pictures of events she attended and friends of hers, and her dorm room etc, and I'd see them and feel connected more to her life. She might post how she's feeling that day, or even how she feels about some news article that has touched her. You can see them too because you're also there on Facebook. It's an easier way of sharing than trying to organize news into an email or phone conversation. It's more normal because life tends to be random and spur of the moment, and thoughts rise to the surface that way more naturally.

You'll be fine! I know how you're feeling. But there are ways to get through this and moms who network and share ideas handle it a lot better than when we're on our own. You can do this for her.

Kate

"My dear, many things in life remain unexplained...until they are." ~Dr. Walter Bishop of "Fringe"

We'll be using facebook and text messaging. Here's a thought. Taking care of family and kids requires so much dedication, that when your kids go, you've got a lot of inner resources and could take up work that required steady devotion.

One thing I did was return to college. The unexpected dividend was meeting and making a group of excellent friends, better understanding of the world around me, and a new passion. I've since graduated and now am looking at grad school. It's helped me to help my daughter in college with her papers and her choices and has made me a more believable source--since I've been there, gone to college while working and balancing my family. It's also really helped me to fill that void.

-Kate

"My dear, many things in life remain unexplained...until they are." ~Dr. Walter Bishop of "Fringe"

I'd love to go back if I had an intended career.

Hi,my kids are 10 and 17.One is a senior in highschool the other entering middle school.Even though the kids are still at home.I feel a certain sadness like an ending to a beautiful chapter in my life.I feel kinda old,less needed,and quite frankly lost.Its like someone pulled a rug out from under me.I never realized how much being a mom defined me.

It's taken a long time to commit to my vision for myself. I don't want to say what it is now for fear I'll cheapen it, but it feels good. My daughter is in college now and my son is struggling in high school. I'm glad I'm able to focus on keeping him on track. But I'll have to develop my intermediate skills such as learning how to support others and let myself be supported if I can find anyone.