To those whose midlife crisis is far behind them: what perspective can you offer and how is your life now?

"If you can make it to 60 it's relatively easy to feel good about life again. Is that true for you?"

It IS true for me. and oddly enough, it is true for me even though I have been dealing with an mlc H/marriage crisis/separation for the last two years. I STILL feel better than I ever have before, about myself. Yes, I regret the loss of youthful face and figure -- although hanging in, not looking too bad for 64 -- but what I've gained in internal peace more than makes up for it. I took an early retirement from work, and I think that accounts for a lot of this serenity. A feeling of finally being in control of my own time and energy. It's like being let out of prison. Reconciliation with H also going well although still living separately and will likely do that for some time to come. We're getting ready for a major vacation trip at the end of this month.

Last year at this time, or maybe sixteen months ago, I felt so hopeless and broken, and now I can say that I've learned so much about life and myself! I feel capable of so much more. But I still don't have a clear view of a future. I've been a homemaker, taking care of the kids. Now I'm a great cook (not a great housekeeper) and I've gotten way over the idea that taking care of people makes me their servant. Now I'm so surprised to sometimes have the feeling like the kids could and should leave the house. It pops up once in awhile, and it makes me laugh because I never thought I'd feel that way.

All I know about a future for myself is, I like to create things and feel recharged in the creative process. I guess maybe that's the next wave--jump into the darkness and see where I land...

I know what you mean about still having troubles, but feeling happier inside yourself.

As yet I have no idea about romance in my life, with or without my husband (Likely with him) and I don't know about my body, health, etc. But... Not like I have a choice in whether to grow older.

I feel so sorry I looked upon the white-haired set with such pity and condescension--now that my hair has a few white strands...LOL.

"If you can make it to 60 it's relatively easy to feel good about life again. Is that true for you?"

Hey, if you can make it to 58 you've got it in the bag. :-) I may or may not have had the mother of all midlife crises - I became at widow at 53, so MLC, gutwrenching grief, and adjusting to life as a solo act all kind of got mushed together into three years or so of pretty much unremitting emotional turmoil. But assuming a big old MLC was part of it all, I can definitely say that you do indeed come out the other side of the tunnel, and when you do it's absolutely as good as you care to make it.

There were definitely times - ha, whole freakin' years! - when I wondered how in the hell I was going to get through it, and if I'd ever be truly happy again. But I did, and I am ... honestly, in a way that's difficult to explain, I'm actually happier than I've ever been. For the first time in my life I know exactly who I am, and I'm more at peace with myself and everything else in the universe than I ever was. All the painful hoo-ha of the MLC has a lot of lessons in it; think of it as kind of boot camp for life in the second half.

Yes, it does get better if you want it to. And life is sweeter than ever, if you're willing to let it happen. You'll never be who you were before, but that's fine - look at the MLC angst as an opportunity to figure out who you are now, and to get cool with it. It's the most liberating experience you'll ever have.

Better Over Fifty - play your best game in the second half! http://betterover50.info