When Will I Ever Learn?

For both men and women, there are five stages of life: childhood, adolescence, adulthood, midlife, and maturity. Two of those stages are transition periods (adolescence and midlife), and these two have very many transitions in common. One of the biggest is the changes in sex hormone levels: in adolescence, they're increasing; in midlife, they're decreasing. Since hormones have a direct impact on every cell in your body, these changes have as big an effect on your body as the hormones themselves do. The variations themselves cause many of the physical and emotional side effects that we associate with these transition periods. In fact, they have more similarities than they do dissimilarities.

It's no wonder that we're tempted to compare these two very parallel life transition periods with each other. As you become more deeply involved in the midlife transition, doesn't it bring back memories of adolescence, with its hormone-induced spates of agony and ecstasy, clarity and insanity? As I look back on it now, I certainly can see the similarities. I also remember that, after a while, I settled into the routine of adulthood, focused on my career, my relationships, and keeping myself healthy and happy. Almost without my being aware of it, adolescence faded into my personal history, to be replaced by adult concerns. So, if the two transition periods are so similar, how long should it be before you leave the craziness of midlife behind you to 'settle in' to a comfortable maturity? One piece of advice: don't hold your breath!

The transition that you experience at midlife occurs on multiple levels, some of which effect much deeper levels of your consciousness than ever before. Midlife brings you into intimate contact with your deepest self where your personal destiny lies. This 'core' of your being contains not only your truest self, it's also where your power resides. You might think of it as though it were the molten core of your personal planet, ever-flowing, ever-changing, ever-ready to erupt with creative fire. Think of the Mauna Loa volcano in Hawaii, where lava fountains feed gentle 'a'a lava flows that run inexorably to the sea. This volcano is constantly creative, while seldom if ever truly violent. It's immense poser expands the Hawaiian terrain with awesome but quiet intensity. Tapping your own core during the midlife transition should bring about similar effects: expanding your horizons while exercising a gentle power. Once the core of your being has been tapped, there's no going back. You've entered a period of intense but low-key creativity that will last you the rest of your life. Midlife creates the passageway beyond knowledge and even understanding, all the way to wisdom.

Wisdom blooms as you connect with your core and come to the realization that you are — and will continue to be — a work-in-progress. Neither you nor anyone else on this planet will ever be able to define you. Even though you'll often have the opportunity to answer people's inquiries by saying, "I'm a 'this'," or "I'm a 'that'," your answer will always be tentative and incomplete. You'll never have the opportunity to express adequately the person who you are, because, even in the telling, you're still a person who's becoming. It's only after you've passed away, that the people who knew you will be able to say with some degree of accuracy, "This is who s/he was." Meanwhile, there's always more for them (and for you) to discover, to unveil, to create. Like an onion, there's always another layer there for you to peel away. There'll never be a time when there's nothing left to discover about yourself. There'll always be room for discovery.

When will the midlife transition be over? Obviously, by age 60 to 65 your hormones will have completed their process of depletion (and you'll have dealt with them in one way or another). Yet, part of the process of transitioning into maturity consists of gaining a deeper awareness of your life as a work-in-progress and far from anything like a fait accompli. There's a group that I had the privilege to become acquainted with while I was in Canada last week called Warrior Sage. Even their name expresses what your life as a mature person is (or will be) all about: a combination of courage and wisdom. In fact, the two are so interrelated as to be almost indistinguishable one from the other. Having the wisdom to be able to accept yourself as you are takes tremendous courage; having the courage to live your life authentically requires the wisdom to tap into the deepest levels of your destiny. And, what's more, both of them require the basic virtue of humility: coming to know yourself as you truly are (not what you wish you were) and acting accordingly.

When will you ever learn? When will you no longer have to cope with fears and frustrations, mistakes and errors and the feelings of guilt that come with them? When Lucy wanted to hold the football for Charlie Brown, he exclaimed, "How long, O Lord?" As he went back to run at the ball, Lucy said, "You're quoting from the sixth chapter of Isaiah, aren't you, Charlie Brown? 'Until cities lie waste without inhabitant, and houses without men and the land is utterly desolate . . . ' Actually, there is a note of protest in the question as asked by Isaiah, for we might say he was unwilling to accept the finality of the Lord's judgment . . . " When Charlie Brown has lunged to kick the football and Lucy has (once again) pulled it out from in front of him, landing Charlie Brown on his back with a WHUMP! she says to him, "How long? All your life, Charlie Brown . . . all your life." Yet, even as we struggle to "accept the finality of the Lord's judgment," our wisdom, our courage, and our humility will teach us, one day at a time, that 'it's all good.'

H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC Website: http://www.MidlifeMaster.com e-Zine: http://www.proactivation.org