MLC and military deployments

He's seeing a professional and so are you. Not sure how much luck you'll have getting him to switch to a different psychologist.

One thing that is missing a marriage counselor that you go to together. Note when you said he's "hurt our kids as well as myself" I'm assuming you aren't referring to physical abuse. If here is any physical abuse that is a completely different matter and you need to have that addressed immediately. Talk to your counselor about the proper steps for you to take to protect yourself and your children and do this right away.

I also recommend that you read the posts of others and participate in the discussion groups on this site. You'll likely come across information that is helpful.

Good luck and please keep sharing.

Wesley Hein Wesley [at] lifetwo [dot] com Sign up for the LifeTwo Newsletter!

I believe my husband is going through a MLC. We have been married for 11 yrs and have always had a great marriage and happy home. He is a wonderful loving, kind-hearted husband and father and has always treated me like gold. He went overseas to work for his company. We have a 100 acre farm and our 16 year old son and I stayed here to manage it and take care of the livestock, hay, etc... He was only supposed to be gone for one year to help get us out of debt then was coming home. Our son would still have two years of high school left after he came home. He left in August '07 and we stayed in constant communication via email, webcams and phone calls, he even said to me one time when we were talking, that maybe when he got back home, we would renew our vows and thanked me so much for being his wife and taking care of him even from 8,000 miles away. He came home in March for a two week visit and everything seemed fine. After he went back, he started talking about signing a contract to stay another year...he said he was really having a hard time making the decision to come home or stay, because all the other men he went over there with were staying to help finish the project they had all started from the ground up. I was upset about it but eventually agreed that we could make it through another year. About a month or two later, he started getting distant and emailing less and less. He said in his emails that he had just been "taking some time for himself". I just thought he was struggling with the decision to stay or come home. In June he wouldn't respond to emails or answer my calls....even when my Granny died. I called him two days after her funeral and asked him what was wrong and he told me that he wasn't coming home. Again, dummy me thought he was just talking about staying an extra year. He told me that he "loved it over there and wasn't ever coming home and wanted a divorce." He said, "you can have it all, I don't want anything, find a lawyer and file." Of course I refused and said that I didn't want a divorce and didn't even know where all of this was coming from. I have never been so devastated by anything in my whole life. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach! I would have never dreamed in a million years that he would ever want a divorce. I begged him over the next few months to just talk to me and not do this. I couldn't then, and still can't understand any of this. He hasn't talked to our son at all, although he did send him a gift card for his birthday in Oct. and again on Christmas. Other than an occasional email response, he has cut himself completely off from everyone who loves him. He didn't even call his mother when she had a quadruple bypass surgery in August! This is all so out of character for him. I asked him again a few weeks ago to just come home and talk to me and he refused and said "I told you that I am not ever coming back, I want you to please just go ahead and file for divorce." I am so confused and don't know what to do...I assume he has another woman, but don't know anything for sure. I am so confused and don't know what to do. Do I try and hang on to someone that doesn't want me, his son, or his home anymore? Or do I go ahead and file and try to legally protect myself and my son and our home. He is currently still sending money to pay our bills, but he is getting more and more distant every month. The contract he is on can last up to five years and he doesn't have to return to the states if he chooses not to. Everyone who knows and loves him, thinks he has lost his mind. He has always been dependable, faithful, and a solid all around man. With him being so far away, I dont have the opportunity to see or talk to him. And he doesn't have to face me or our son and can just bury his head in the sand and not deal with anything he has done. He has shattered our lives, and doesn't even seem to care how bad he has hurt everyone who loves him. I have felt like I'm losing it for the past few months...I have been physically sick, lost over 60 lbs, had to go to the doctor and he put me on antidepressants, (before this, I would hardly even take an asprin), I just cry and pray then cry and pray some more...I dont know what to do or how to fix this. I see so many similarities to my husbands actions in other peoples post on here. He will be 50 in Janurary, and I'm almost sure he is having a MLC. Any advise would be appreciated.

My Husband just got back from 1 year in Irag. He acted really strange after coming home. Bought new cloth, lift`s weights, stays at work longer every day. He also takes a lot of TDY trips. Now; He is a very high ranking NCO, I know that this is his job but he hasn`t seen his family forever. A few month ago he dropped the bomshell! He does not love me anymore. BUT he wants me to stay here in his house raising his 3 children until they out of High School. Which will be in about 6 years. He wants to come home every day and pretend like nothing ever happened and that things are alright. But he also wants to live up the single life and do what ever he wants to. (The kids dont know what there father has become.) I started to notice that he keeps going on long trips in his personal Vehicle. I dont know where too, so one day I followed him, only to find out that he went running with his Secretary, that was on a saturday morning. My heart broke into 1000 pieces. I ask him when he came home why he went running with her, his reply was.... We are only running, no more no less. I was devastatad and did not know what to do. She also keeps driving him from and to places at work even so he has a driver. 2 weeks later on a Saturday again he told me that he was going running again. I ask him if he would take her again. He told me no and that he would run on Post and come right back. Ok, so I trusted him....for only 2 minutes because his lies have become a big habit. I got in my car after he left and went to his old running spot. Well he was not there. I drove to another more secluded area and THERE THET BOTH WERE AGAIN in the woods together. MY Husband and his Clerk. Now, she is 20 years younger than him and they both went to Irag together for a year. What do I do??? I,m so devastated. Dont know where to go. Who to tell? We have a house to pay for and Children that I dont want to hurt. I have lost a lot of weight the last couple of month, I,m crying day in and day out. Every minute of the day I think about how I can get him to Love me again. I have become very sick with anxiety. I feel like I,m dying. I have dedicated 20+ years to him and HIS ARMY only to be put on the side of the curb like a trash bag that`s not needed anymore. I have always been strong and can`t believe I,m still here. I,m putting on a big fasade around everybody I know on and off post. All I believe in now is that the Army is killing our family,s. Oh, and he wants me to treat HER nice, He said that it was not her fault that he does`t love me anymore. God bless you all.