I need help

Marli,

I agree-- you do need help. You need more help than can be gotten here. I urge you to find a good counselor to talk to. Even if your husband will not go to marriage counseling, you can gain a great deal by going on your own.

Everyone makes mistakes in relationships, but you can't shoulder the blame for all of this, especially if your husband has a history of bad temper and you have considered leaving him many times. It also sounds like he doesn't take your needs into account and just does his own thing. If he really doesn't love you, and doesn't want to work things out, you may be better off without him. Yes, this is heartbreaking, and you have to deal with the grief.

He married you because he was "sorry?" Sorry for what? Does he love his child? There are a number of issues here, and unanswered questions, and you need someone to help you sort things out. If you can't get the help you need through your church, then look for a marriage counselor outside the church. A good one will help you work within your religious beliefs regardless.

Pat

I feel for you. I agree with what Pat has said above. You now need to consider YOU and you should not shoulder all the blame - it takes two to tango! You need to work through your hurts and emotions in order to sort yourself out. Stop blaming yourself - no one is perfect. Every marriage has its ups and downs which have to be worked on by both parties. He's blaming you because he cannot blame himself - you are the scapegoat i.e. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM in his eyes. He knows he has a problem but won't admit it. Get help, plan your life as though he is not coming back - difficult I know. Read up all you can about MLC and possibly depression(books and internet) as you will need to know how to cope with the situation if this is what he is going through. Visit the chat room as people there will be able to help you – they have all been where you are at now. I understand that it must be difficult for you esp. considering that you have a toddler to take care of. Find a good support group if you can. Get involved with helping others as it will take your mind off your problem, get some other interests in life and do things that you have always wanted to do. This is and has been all about him now it's all about you - eat properly and also get proper rest otherwise you are going to get sick and depressed. Always look your best. Find a good support system of friends and if they are negative, then put them on the "shelf" until you feel you are able to deal with them - negative advice and negativity WILL bring you down. Get close to God - you will need Him more so now than ever before. Your husband obviously has a bad temper because he is angry inside of himself and he needs real help before the anger gets out of hand and causes sickness to in his body. This anger could have been building up over the years because of childhood problems. It would be in his own best interests to go for counselling a.s.a.p. If he doesn’t want to go then don’t force him. A man doesn’t like to open up to anyone and especially to his wife. Forcing the issue will only make him more angry and drive him further away from you. If you feel that the marriage is worth salvaging then you are going to have to be PATIENT, PATIENT, PATIENT - this is a process which doesn't get sorted out in the short term. On the financial side,ensure that you take as much
while you can and put it away for a rainy day - because if you don't the OW will spend it. Life is going to feel like a rollercoaster ride from now on. Hang in there and may God guide you through this difficult period of your life. "Janey"