Financial Infidelity: How Money Messes Marriages

Ever been so pissed off at your partner that you took it out on them with an impulsive purchase? If you have you are not alone according to Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of "Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker." In fact, Weil, a New York-based couples therapist even has an acronym for it ("Pop" as in "pissed-off purchase.") Financial infidelity, Weil says in a Los Angeles Times http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-perfin1-2008jun01,0,1629100.column">story on her, "destroys trust just as quickly as a physical affair and leaves more marriages in ruins than alcohol does."

A typical couple endures three to four pop-shots a year, at an average of $486 a pop. On the bright side, shopping really does help ease the pain of an argument, Weil said.

"It gives you an adrenaline rush," she said. "Dopamine is released, which is a brain chemical that gives us the feeling of joy, love and happiness."

Unfortunately, the dopamine rush is temporary. The financial effect of the budget-busting lasts much longer. Worse, Weil said, the behavior is a symptom of a far more serious problem that she calls financial infidelity. The term spans a variety of activities that involve lying about money, such as hiding purchases from your spouse, using cash to mask what you're buying, opening secret bank or credit card accounts, lying about the cost of something you bought or violating a financial agreement that you made with your partner.

Money, sex, and love all matter in relationships according to Weil but it's the money part that is too often left to fester and ultimately destroy the marriage. For those in relationships where money is a difficult to taboo topic, Weil's book might be what the doctor ordered.

Amazon link: Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker lumn