Positive MOVE ON after MLC tragedy...

It's been one month short of two years. My wife left and said some mean things. I took my lumps. Leaned on friends and my faith. I made it a point to recognize small blessings. I kept a journal in which I wrote 5 things to be grateful for - my gratitude book. Some days all I had to be grateful for was the fact that I had made it through the night. I celebrated small things - a good night with our little girl, a compliment from my boss, a friend who called to say "what's up."

There was a point where so many things were going bad at once and I could not fix them. All I could do was surrender. Once I did it took a load off. Things are straigthening out now. I believe that my wife walking out on me was something that was meant to happen.

People and relationsuips should be growing all the time. With her gone I am growing. Things are on a smaller scale - an apartment as opposed to a house, one income, tighter budget - but there's more freedom. We have the basics- which is enough for us to live simply, which is what I want my daughter to learn anyway.

We take car trips to interestting places - mini adventures. We do quirky things. She sees her dad really trying - the rock in this crisis. My wife is a semi-ok mom but she's more devoted to her dysfunctional friends who have moved into her life. Her choice.

This all happened when we were both in our mid-40's. We both had opposite responses to mlc. I recognized that there was some internal work that needed to get done, briefly saw a therapist and worked things out in my head. My wife fell in with a nest of creeps and had affairs.

If you're a healthy, wise and seasoned person then these could be your peak years. My wife's mlc changed my way of thinking - and living - for the better. Things are happening - a raise, my kid's excellent grades, university teaching job in addition to my regular work, free time to do volunteer work, a closer walk in my faith.

I don't miss my wife because obviously we were not meant to stay married together. I don't hate her but I would not mind never seeing her again. We had a daughter out of love so I'm grateful for that.

This is an excellent topic. I recovered by knowing and talking to people who had gone through this and come out on the other side okay.

I am really glad for you. Throughout all this you kept close to your daughter and you get to watch her grow along with you. That is something to admire.

Id sure like to hear more positive stories in MOVING ON...there has to be some..or maybe there is no reason anymore to venture in here..but we can all encourage one another.

I have been highly bless (I am very spiritual). I have so much friends and especially family that have helped me through this..My wife just texted me and said she misses me alot and made the biggest mistake of her life leaving...but honetsly I will not respond - all things considering - I have wounds that need healing and the trust is not there...In due time - these wounds will be a scar- a simple memory to look at to see what I endured at one time in my life...

i LOVE my wife but right now, I am trying to start to love myself and have forgiven her for everything and all..No hate on my end, never was, just alot of hurt..Now its time to FORGET but that takes even more time than to actually forgive..and that too will come to pass..

Whatever this road leads us - I hope we all make it out okay..I hope that all MCLers recognize what they want and get what they really want out of life..SOmetimes you have to SCREW over people (husbands, wives, lovers, etc) to get where you want - if it is - then let it be that they find what they want. For those who have been hurt by these (dumpees), then may you ALSO find what you always wanted in life - dont blame yourself..it a WE problem..once you get past that REBUILDING BLOCK - you will start to see yourself in a different light..and life does FIND A WAY...

Peace and GOD BLESS

A wise friend told me that this is the time when I can grow. It's emotional abuse living with a wife who has checked out of the marriage and checked into relationships with unsavory people whose lives are a neverending mess. There have been internet affairs.

I'm a good dad with good parenting instincts. I'm able to have more of an impact on her. My wife knew she had issues but walked out of therapy after two sesions. In couples'counseling she folded her arms and refused to open up. That's a person who is not interested in dealing with anything in her life. The she posted herself on the internet in a way that communicated "I want to sleep around." She's searching.

I'm glad I know that now. I'm also glad that I swallowed hard and moved on with the divorce, as painful as it was. It's as if I diminished a part of myself to stay married to a post-40 teenager who wants to find a guy "with a lot of money to take care of me so I don't have to work."

I now feel a diffent energy. I'm like the revious poster. True, there is a sense of the unknown but it's almost outcomes. I could meet a decent, grounded woman who would love me and accept my love. I could go home and let my 14-year old surprise me with a pasta supper that she happily struggled to make or listen, really listen, to her as she tells me how her best friend is bugging her. I have space now to see and love little things. I'm not distracted by this glowering, almost indifferent presence. I don't care what my wife thinks. By the way, she's 30 pounds heavier since the divorce. She's harried and is not aging so well. I can feel good about myself. So I think that's positive.

I want my husband to find someone grounded who knows how to appreciate him better. I want him to feel able to change. I wouldn't have to care what he thought about me anymore. It's like crack, thinking about that possibility.