So, What Can You Do When Crisis Hits?

Here's something a wrote a few months ago. I am still in and out of total desparation and hitting a lot of brick walls trying to find my way out. I would love to find an avenue that would allow for total change with out feeling like I'm messing up the lives of eveyone around me :( I have been going through this for about 9 months with no end in sight. Hope this helps!
Sandra

2-8-2008 -
I feel I need to re-evaluate my life and everything in it. Unfortunately, I feel trapped because I am a stay at home mom with young kids and the burden of uprooting everything, finding a job, day care, a place to live is just too much. I do have earning potential but it has been a LONG time since I have been "out there". My life is easy now except for the fact that my husband no longer finds me exciting or interesting and tells me every few days that he is just sticking it out temporarily and is pretty much "done" with the whole marraige thing and me. I'm really fighting for him but I really don't know if I even want to be here anymore. I've put up with his egomaniac, self-centered ways for so long, I don't even know what is acceptable anymore. I had a very breif but strong emotional affair that started to turn physical until my husband cut us off and shut him out of my life. I have a lot of resentment for not being able to end it on my terms or saying good bye (need closure!!) but I know in time I will get over that (I hope). My question is, how can I determine if this is worth fighting for? On the surface, he has provided for a great life and we always have fun together when we are around others. When we are alone, I feel like we have no connection at all and that he would rather be anywhere else. I want to have some control instead of just waiting for my husband to decide if he can stay with me or not. I want to stand up for myself but I'm so confused about where my life is headed and what I want I just can't figure anything out. I feel paralyzed. He says he thinks things will be fine as soon as I get over this "silly freak-out stage" I am going through. Please help.

Me too!

I keep looking for that calm, definite decision that I know will be the right way to go. It's not happening like that, though. Now it's more like I have to take one step at a time, and hopefully a broader horizon will open up.

It's 3:00AM and I can't sleep. I have exactly the same situation as yours. I am stay at home mom with a 9 yrs old girl and a husband going through his midlife crisis. I am facing the defying behavior of my daughter and the stupid selfish and humiliating behavior of my husband. I don't know what to do and I need help SOON! If you found something that can help, please let me know.

Lisa, by the way, mi name is Ivette. And the comment I read was Sandra's. So, as you can see there are more women in the same boat. This is terrible for me because I am actually 4 years older than my husband. I wrote the last comment "it seems that I wrote that comment" something like that. I need help, because I am going crazy.

"there are more women in the same boat"

Our stats show that for every person who posts a comment on LifeTwo there are over 1,000 that read it. Since we've had so many comments with similar sentiment as this, it is safe to say that yes there are a lot (many thousands) of people going through what you are.

Thank you for posting and I hope the LifeTwo community is able to help at least in some small way. Please keep sharing.

Wesley Hein
Wesley [at] lifetwo [dot] com
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My heart breaks as I read these letters. I am a stay at home mom of 6 kids(ages 9-19)in a 21year marriage. Friends and family praise my husband for his unbelievable work ethic and devotion in church activities. Usually working 80 hours a week or more.
In the mean time I am dying of a loneliness so painful that I physically ache. I have tried for years to explain to him the need for an intimate relationship. Some form of connection. Some type of communication. To no avail. Now I am done. I feel physically exhausted. He is a wonderful intelligent man who sadly has never needed anyone in his life. I have basically raised 6 wonderful kids on my own, kept myself in great shape, manage the house but unfortunately I have no "world" skills. I have not worked in 19 years. I also have no education beyond High School. I feel trapped and yet I love my kids enough to know that divorce would hurt them deeply. Having 6 kids is hard in that I can not just go "find" myself. I don't have the luxury of alone time.How do people live in a loveless marriage? How do you fill that ache in your soul? It is 4am and I am sitting here in tears but knowing everyone will be up for church in a few hours and life will go on as usual. Thank you for allowing me to be able to type this.

Hello all.

I am your husband. Or, at least, I was. I was like this ten years ago and I'm feeling the same way again. Ten years ago, I became consumed with my work. Fearful of losing my job and under the gun of a difficult customer, I burned 60-70 hours per week.

My wife quit work to stay at home with my son. 3 years in, I became very distant from her. My descent in to obsession kept her and my son away from me. Eventually, my wife broke down and collapsed. She needed psychiatric help and I sought help myself.

This was the turning point. Get help for both of you. Somewhere in there is a fear in your husband or wife who is overworking. Unless their passion is in work, there is something else driving them.

One thing that held me back from talking is a lack of friends. I had work and home, nothing else. I was caught with no one to share with about ideas and concerns, pains and pressures. That's where therapy helped me get through.

Find a good therapist who can do individual counseling first, then couple counseling. We talked about overworking and over stressing. After a year and some medication on both sides, we welded our marriage and life.

I'm blessed now but it took a trip near the pit to get out of it.

I'm thinking of all of you. Don't give up! Please fight for him and push for someone to talk to.

My thoughts are with you all

Happy mother's day, mom of 6.

I now have a job at a plant nursery. I asked around in January and February, got the job in April. I'm happy to inform you that your parenting skills are also good ones for working with plants. You care for plants just like children, by focusing on them and checking for the dirt. Only this time, if they have soggy pants you leave them alone.

This is not a highly-paid job. But it's a step into the work world for me. You have the personal skills and the ability to focus on others' needs that is great in so many fields. You could also start by volunteering in an area that interests you. I volunteered at a hospital. With volunteering, they try to take care of you and let you feel needed, but I must say I still felt insecure sometimes, and like a second class citizen behind those who get paid. BUT, I saw whether I'd like working with sick people. It turns out that I'm too introverted for that. I like plants and dirt a lot better! And paint. And food prep and even cleanup. And even customer assistance.

Then we have to get the nuts and bolts part of it. I could take small business courses. I could take painting classes. I could get a CNA certificate. I had a subsitute teaching license that was easy to get, but I suck at teaching and paperwork.

When it's your time to go out and find your way, you will do it.

I still get these blues all the time. I have to go do things that kill the pain--things I like to do. I still think about how I'd like to be "done being a wife," but while I'm processing that and seeing whether it's true, I have a little something of my own to do, that I get paid for.

Sorry for your loneliness and isolation. I still have that to deal with too. Work is like a break from that.

Okay? You can make it.