Middle-aged and moving back home with Mom

The Los Angeles Times published story on grown children returning home to live with children and profiled several "children" in their 40's and 50's who for various reasons had moved back with their parents. The primary reasons were economic and triggered either by divorce or job loss.

The trend of children moving back in with parents after college is not new. In fact, the number of adult children returning to the nest has been rising since the 1970s, and is likely to continue growing as offspring of the 71 million Baby Boomers graduates from college. (Source: American Demographics)

The LAT story noted:

A new survey by retiree-advocacy group AARP found that one-fourth of Generation Xers, those 28 to 39 years old, receive financial help from family and friends. The online survey of nearly 1,800 people ages 19 to 39 also found 57% believed they were "financially independent." But in a separate question, 33% said they received financial support from family and friends.

These younger returnees even have a new label, "Boomerang Kids." From New York Life:

They're back. The "Boomerang Kids" — young adults who left to go to college, get married or just strut their independence — are moving back in with mom and dad. Boomerang Kids can be a mixed blessing for parents, both emotionally and financially.

The trend is cyclical. Especially during tough economic times, adult children head for home. Census figures show that 56 percent of men and 43 percent of women ages 18 to 24 today live with one or both parents. Some never left, while an estimated 65 percent of recent college graduates have moved back in with their parents.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 10.9% of 20-to-24-year-olds were unemployed in September 2003 vs. 6.7% in September, 2000. The jobless rate for 25-to-34-year-olds had also risen to 6.3% from 3.7% over the period. Even grown children with jobs might find it difficult to maintain the style of living they had previously enjoyed now that they are living on their own. Divorce and illness and other personal reasons can also be factors.

New York Life suggests that to improve the chances of a successful recohabitation with grown children parents should require that their children pay rent (about 1/2 do). Parents should also make it clear that this is to cover a transitional period as opposed to being indefinite. Other suggestions:

1. Set house rules. Put them in writing. Make it a contract. Remember, it's still your house.

2. Set a departure date, whether it be three weeks or three months.

3. Insist on responsibilities, which may include paying rent and/or payment in kind, such as taking on household chores – doing laundry, making dinner two nights a week, buying groceries. This can often be negotiated. One method is to ask the returning child what he or she believes would be reasonable rent. (This is also the area, when not clearly laid out, that can result in the most misunderstandings, as adult children return to old habits of expecting to be taken care of.)

4. Help them restructure debts, rather than simply bail them out. Then teach them how to avoid new debt. One option is to match debt–reduction payments, with the understanding that they put away credit cards and live within their means.

5. Do not sacrifice your own financial future. Decide how much you want and can afford to help. Children tend to think their parents are wealthy, while some parents provide more financial support than they can afford. Remember that your children have decades to build their financial security, while you may be only a few years away from your retirement date. Ironically, if you are not careful, you could end up depending on your children for help in your old age.

These rules were written with younger "boomerang" kids in mind and may not apply perfectly to the middle-aged cohabitors who could form more a partnership with their parents--with each helping out and contributing in mutually beneficial ways. Besides the economic benefits of living under the same roof, relationship and personal support benefits are also possible. Regardless of the causes, if you look at the trend lines grown children, even those in middle age, will continue to move back home with the parents.

Boomerang Nation: How to Survive Living with Your Parents...the Second Time Around