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What are the greatest regrets in your life?

Wesley's picture

We all regret things in our life to varying degrees so it is not surprising that psychologists have decided to take a deeper look at what we regret and why. Canadian blog BoomerWatch took on the topic of regret in the baby boomer generation citing the work of psychologists Neal Roese and Amy Summerville. Their research project, "What We Regret Most… And Why," sheds new light on this somewhat disquieting and cruel emotion.

Their findings rank the categories that trigger regret, in the following order of frequency: education (32%), career (22%), romance (15%), parenting (10%) and self (5.47%) were the top five.

For the most part, people agree. They would rather look back and regret the things they did than the things they didn’t do. Studies have proven that regrets of inaction persist much longer than regrets of action.

Roese and Summerville added:

Overall, these findings show that people’s biggest regrets are a reflection of where in life they see their largest opportunities; that is, where they see tangible prospects for change, growth, and renewal.

There is little you can do for the missed opportunities of the past. Boomerwatch recommends "blow(ing) them off and rejoice in at least having taken some action and made some important decisions in life." We agree. Use the slightly unsettling feeling of regret to motivate yourself to do something about it. Tackle something important on your "to do before I die" list and if you don't have such a list then make one. No one lives a perfect life and no one accomplishes everything that they set out to do. Some people however are in constant motion so that instead of reflecting on missed opportunities of the past they are working towards new accomplishments in the present. Don't be afraid to take a chance. As you read above, people generally feel worse for not trying than for trying and failing.

h/t: The Best Kept Secret

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Anonymous's picture

What are the greatest regrets in your life?

I have just discovered one of my ex-work colleagues (I really, really liked years ago) is now married. I had the opportunity to get to know him at the time, however, I left my employment in order to stop this friendship from developing any further (due to my religious beliefs). It took years for me to accept that I would never see him again - very painful. I've always hoped, that one day we would meet again or I would muster enough courage to contact him. He now has someone to love and to love him, its just not with me. Ouch!

Lisa's picture

Career

As a 20-year-old I had a very great job as a park aide in Truckee, California. It wasn't the most thrilling but I liked the people and there were opportunities to come back and do more. The next summer I got a different job that paid more, but the people weren't so straightforth and honest. I sometimes think that would have been a good lifestyle for me.

I also looked into going into the army. I chickened out when I heard they yell at you and make you run and do pushups at boot camp. Now I think it would have been a good career choice.

I also looked into going into the Peace Corps, but when they asked me why I wanted to be in it, I couldn't come up with a good answer.

Instead I got married to Mr. Safe and Stable. Many times I've regretted it! He made it safe for me to do nothing!

I wish I'd taken the snake by the tail and let it whip me around and throw me somewhere. Instead I killed the snake (of fear.)

That being said, I think it comes with the MLC territory to look back and think things might have been better. And part of the MLC task is to respect your past self and realize there were legitimate motivations. I'm still grappling with this, but if I want to heal, I HAVE to respect my past. What else can I do? Waste time in self-loathing about the past?

I can still go into the Peace Corps!!!

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