What are the greatest regrets in your life?

I have just discovered one of my ex-work colleagues (I really, really liked years ago) is now married. I had the opportunity to get to know him at the time, however, I left my employment in order to stop this friendship from developing any further (due to my religious beliefs). It took years for me to accept that I would never see him again - very painful. I've always hoped, that one day we would meet again or I would muster enough courage to contact him. He now has someone to love and to love him, its just not with me. Ouch!

As a 20-year-old I had a very great job as a park aide in Truckee, California. It wasn't the most thrilling but I liked the people and there were opportunities to come back and do more. The next summer I got a different job that paid more, but the people weren't so straightforth and honest. I sometimes think that would have been a good lifestyle for me.

I also looked into going into the army. I chickened out when I heard they yell at you and make you run and do pushups at boot camp. Now I think it would have been a good career choice.

I also looked into going into the Peace Corps, but when they asked me why I wanted to be in it, I couldn't come up with a good answer.

Instead I got married to Mr. Safe and Stable. Many times I've regretted it! He made it safe for me to do nothing!

I wish I'd taken the snake by the tail and let it whip me around and throw me somewhere. Instead I killed the snake (of fear.)

That being said, I think it comes with the MLC territory to look back and think things might have been better. And part of the MLC task is to respect your past self and realize there were legitimate motivations. I'm still grappling with this, but if I want to heal, I HAVE to respect my past. What else can I do? Waste time in self-loathing about the past?

I can still go into the Peace Corps!!!

My greatest regret is not staying with my original career choice and my one and only love in life, sounds corny but I wanted to be a Hockey Player. I loved the game and would practice all sorts of hours but I had no help and there where no real opertunities when I was younger. To top it off I had a mentally insane mother who would not support me and an alcoholic father. So in so much as I feel like I failed myself I know they did also but they wont admit it also. Later in life it got worse for me because as I set out on my own sobriety I found out I could do so much. I went back to school and got a degree. I also started my own small business and was able to do that without any help from my family. It has been a very hard life for me. Sadly it seems like I had the talent to play. I have played against a few very good players, NHL etc and faired very well. I have always been told by others who are in a position to evaluate, people who have put players in the NHL that I should have played, something to that effect. Well that just caused me to be more burned up. So all I can say is if I can get past this regret Id be happy. Not knowing how well I would have done kills me everyday. It is what I wanted to do and there seems to be enough evidence from the outside that says it is not something that was out of my reach, this is what kills me. If anyone has any suggestions on how I could look at this differently or get past this please let me know. My heart is broken over this poor choice early on and I have not been able to move on.

Mike

There are many things that would have gone with life as a hockey player. Imagine being a retired hockey player.

Me? I've gotten over my regrets. I had opportunities I didn't even appreciate, or was afraid of.

One thing is you need to have compassion for yourself and the choices you made. The essence of self loathing is to expect yourself to be anything other than you are. That's a cruelty to yourself. You will have more integrity if you resolve the self-acceptance part of it.

Another thing is to humble yourself and shrink your ego down to the size of your life, so you can look around you and see that you did make some good choices. They are what they are, and you're pretty lucky. I still remember watching a Superbowl game where the old football stars were paraded out on the field like gladiators. Many of them live in pain with arthritis and other problems their life gave them and they could hardly walk. Your dream of hockey playing would have come at some kind of cost, so... maybe it would have been great but maybe not.

I know how it is to wish your parents could have been supportive of you. I had parents like that. They had done well in life just with my dad not blowing his job and my mom being there all the time and putting up with dad, even though she has personality defects. They stood solid so I could go to school. Now my kids are actually doing well in school, unlike me.

It's worthwhile to look at your parents' failings and forgive them. Even through the stupid, rotten stuff they did, maybe they were the people you needed some way.

If these suggestions aren't good for you, then keep thinking and you might find your own way through.

My greatest regret is neglecting my family members in search for the one I loved. I could have balanced it in a better way if I had the wisdom at that time. Now that my family members are hurt, it takes time to rebuild the broken trust.

My greatest regret was never being brave enough to say the words that needed to be said. I always felt that the three little simple words of "I love you" would be so difficult to say, but its too late. Now I sit and watch as the person I loved with all my heart and soul is in love with someone else...and I still can't say what I need to say...

My greatest regret was never being brave enough to say the words that needed to be said. I always felt that the three little simple words of "I love you" would be so difficult to say, but its too late. Now I sit and watch as the person I loved with all my heart and soul is in love with someone else...and I still can't say what I need to say...