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After 1 year - I still need help
My husband and I separated Oct 2006 - in Nov 2006 we started to sleep together again, and the sex was better than it had been in years, he called me every other night and talked about everything, that we hadn't talked about in years. After, 10 months of this, he has totally cut me off. He is now dating a 29 year old and going away with her for weekends and for New years. What in the hell happened. He gave me the impression that we were getting back together. A couple of my friends say that he is going through a mid life crisis. Is he? How long do I wait for him? And do I?
Husband behaving badly, is it a midlife crisis?
Very sorry to hear about your situation. Separation is hard enough but to also have the ups & downs makes it even more difficult.
Based on the little that you've told us, it is difficult to tell what is happening to your husband. I suggest that you read the posts in our midlife crisis section
Also, if you haven't done so, read some of the posts in this discussion on husband's midlife crises.
As for your questions about how long and whether you should wait, no one can give you those answers. Hopefully as you read and learn more you will be able to answer those yourself. One thing we can tell you however is to make sure that you are taking care of yourself--something that is easy to forget to do. Focus on your support network and do not rule out counseling for yourself if you think it will help. If it is a midlife crisis and if you do decide to wait, it could be a very long time (years) and that is far too long to ignore your own emotional and physical health needs. Getting exercise, eating right, and doing things just for you might be the farthest things from your mind but they should be at the forefront.
Also given your husband's behavior you should consider talking to an attorney. Not necessarily to do anything at this time but so that you are aware of your rights. If he is not in his proper frame of mind he could be racking up debts in your names while he engages in these affairs. Those could be your responsibility since you are still married. I don't mean to be an alarmist and just want you to know where you stand.
When men (or women) have affairs they often are searching for something and ultimately learn that it can't be found in the affair. Then again he might simply be behaving badly--as some people do--just because he thinks he can get away from it.
If you read the posts on this site about midlife crisis you should be in a better position to judge what you think he is going through, if anything.
Please keep posting. What you share will help others and just writing your experiences might have a helpful effect for you too.
Wesley Hein Wesley [at] lifetwo [dot] com Sign up for the LifeTwo Newsletter!
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