Is This What 40 (or 50) Looks Like? Really?

I recently had the dubious pleasure of appearing on t.v. It was a small spot - just a five minute interview about The Best Kept Secret website. But I wanted it to be good.

Like all smart women, the first thing I did was wonder what to wear. I carefully chose my outfit, scheduled a hair appointment for the day prior to the show and sought the advice of a media consultant on how to sit, stand and do my makeup.

I rehearsed my message a dozen times a day and when the moment came, I was ready.

I sat down with the gorgeous and glamorous host, said what I came to say and when the whole thing was said and done, I felt pretty good.

The first thing I did when I got home was put in the tape of the interview. I settled into a chair, hit the play button and there was the gorgeous, glamorous host introducing me. As the camera swung to where I should have been sitting, another woman was in my place.

"Who is that middle-aged woman and what have they done with me?", I demanded. "Oh my goodness, that's me! I'm middle-aged!!"

I've got to tell you, the whole episode has left me pretty shaken. In my minds eye, I don't see myself as "middle-aged". I see myself as, well, younger.

I've heard about this phenomena afflicting others. The elderly will often say they feel the same way inside that they've always felt. Women will sport the same haircut for decades because they perceive themselves as they did when they were in high-school. I just didn't think it was happening to me. Denial, thy name is Karen.

In her fabulous book, Going Gray, author Anne Kreamer tells of a similar experience. She sees a photo of herself, her daughter, and an older friend. She's struck by how her daughter and the friend look "real" but with her dyed chestnut brown hair , she doesn't seem real to herself. "I looked like I was pretending to be someone I wasn't. Someone still young." Ouch.

So what do I do now? What does middle-age look like?

At one end of the spectrum are the people who do nothing special to enhance their appearance and age 100% naturally. At the other end are the people who are pulled so tight they look like they're going to snap. And then there are the rest of us at various stages in between.

I'm not yet sure where I sit with this but I know it will involve well fitting clothes, wine with friends and an avoidance of mirrors.

Or maybe the mirrors don't really matter one way or another. Perhaps the place to be is with the nursing home set who say they still feel the same way inside. Maybe it's time to start trusting the inside a little more and the outside a little less.

For more about the minutia of midlife- www.thebestkeptsecret.ca