I'm Poised Like I've Never Been Poised Before

I accidentally bought incontinence products at the drug store last week. It could happen to anyone really.

I nipped in quickly last Monday afternoon, my mind on kids, work and how many minutes to go before Friday afternoon cocktails.

On my list of things to pick up were sanitary napkins. Given my perimenopausal age, things can be a little unpredictable and I thought it best to get something reliable.

I scanned my options. I definitely wasn't ready for Ultra Plus but would Extra be up to the task? Settling for what seemed like the middle ground, I grabbed a pink package labeled Extra Plus and headed for home.

It wasn't until much later that evening after I had peeled and stuck said product that I noticed something strange. Said product was huge. Said product was like wearing an oven mitt.

Only then did I read the package more carefully. I had bought 16 Poise brand bladder protection pads.

The whole episode got me thinking about women and incontinence.

If the truth be told, I've always had a wee bit of a problem. My first inkling that this might be an issue goes back to Grade 1, a big puddle and my teacher Ms. Cormack shaking her head and saying "Tsk, tsk."

A few weeks after my eldest daughter was born, I remember complaining to the OB/GYN that I was having a speck of trouble with "holding it". "You'll never have the same bladder control you had before children," she informed me. When I recounted the discussion to my husband his response was, "You're in big trouble now."

Despite the fact that urinary incontinence is a common problem among middle aged women, things did seem to improve. Until recently.

One weekend I watched my youngest daughter jump rope. Remembering the fun I used to have skipping, I decided to show her a thing or two. Taking the rope and telling my daughter to "Count for mommy" I went into a mad frenzy of red hot pepper. I got all the way up to two before I realized that each time I jumped, I leaked.

I don't think I'm ready for my Poise pads just yet. I don't think I look like the silver haired, smiling woman in the commercials who sails across the dance floor on the arm of a distinguished gentleman, confident and "poised".

But I am thinking of writing the Poise people's marketing department to suggest they change their commercials. Instead of the smiling dancers, how about a slightly frazzled 40-something woman jumping rope with her legs crossed.

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