Marriage Counseling 101

Any logical person could see what was going on. This didn't just start last year, it has been going on for as long as we have been married, I just chose to refuse to live like this any longer.... I chose to say NO to the abuse! I say this because, I am, I think, ha ha almost 36, I tried to stop at 29, lol, I "did" look very young for my age, well until last year anyway. My daughter’s back was hurting and I took her to doctor after doctor, they gave her muscle relaxers, pain meds, whatever, but I knew something bad was wrong, and they all, along with my husband made me feel like a hypochondriac. But it came down to one day I took her to an orthopedic surgeon, it just popped into my head one day and I, unlike me, called daily until they had a cancelation, she was in the next day, she was scheduled for tests a month away, I called a hospital on my own and scheduled the test the next day, I wasn’t playing, I knew something was wrong! She had tumors in most of her torso, she has a very rare cancer, no one has ever even lived to her stage in this cancer (the last stage 4) they diagnosed her on my birthday, November 6th of 2007, I knew before they told us and even told them the stage she was in, they agreed. She began a harsh, very harsh, the 3 most toxic chemos that are out there, (BEP- p= cisplatin) for those that know… after 4 rounds of 3 days each some kids go deaf, she had 6 rounds at 5 days each! Every third week she was in the hospital for 5 days at the time. I never left her alone, but once, for about an hour. She just turned 17 in June, a miracle, as they told us that they hoped this would work and later I found out if we had of not found it when we did, she would have died in less than two months, since it was in major organs. She has been through pure h_ll! If anyone has watched the Bucket List, that showed so little of what they go through but still… it was so sad as my child went through worse! She could not even walk by the end of last year and now she can. Her lumbar was shells filled with tumors and it collapsed upon itself, the tumors poked out and touched her spinal cord and nerves that send horrible pain down her legs…. Ok…. That is all I will say on that… now what happened with me….. I am NOT a crier!! Not in the least, I am a tough girl! I could not stop crying, and my husband… well he took care of that, he yelled at me, told me I was stupid and that this was about her not me… this was my baby!!!!! Now while I was taking her to doctors the summer of 2007 he lost his job, guess what, I told him it was coming… he told me no way!! For the next 6 months he "played," he NOW says he worked where he could - but he was offered so many opportunities, it was unreal… "he played," had all these "friends" and talked to them constantly on his cell phone, our cell phone bill was close to $2,000.00 that November, I talked them out of it, (the phone co.), but that is how much he had so many people behind him, encouraging him, telling him he was wonderful… . And yes, I read some of the texts and kept records of the calls and found out the women he talked to the most. He denies it all, anything at all, but even before our daughter was sick, he was blocking me out of his life…. I knew I was on my own, I had no one… I had to deal with this, my daughter was pretty much dead and I had two other boys. I dealt with it better than I could imagine, but I totally pushed him out of my life, he was nothing to me, an obstacle, an item full of pain and horror.. no matter how much he cleaned, helped around the house, was gone, whatever, I could care less if I ever saw him again. I was moving on with my life, I saw where he stood, and it wasn’t beside me! I realized he had NEVER EVER been there for me when I needed anyone! I was always right there for him, telling him he could do anything when others said "no way," writing business plans, whatever he needed! I stayed with him because I didn’t want my kids to suffer any more than they had, then he started to abuse her verbally, that was too much for me, I mean I had dealt with it for years, but not her, no, I protected my kids no matter what! It was over… I told him I never wanted to cross paths with him again… he begged… he pleaded… he realized once his father passed away at a very young age and I was in the hospital with our daughter, he was at the funeral alone with our boys… that was his turning point… it had been over six months since he pretty much deserted me and then in December… he was all sorry about it… I was over him by then…. I gave him ONE task!!! To get a marriage counselor… did he do it? No, he put it back in my lap… I wasn’t the one that wanted the marriage; I told him there was no way I could get past the things he had done and said to me on my own…. Did I call? Heck no, I gave him ONE task!!! ONE!!!! And it has almost been a year, has he done it yet….. NO!!!! I am in the process of looking for a good attorney… I will not live this life, this lie any longer! He speaks of how he does and does…. I’m glad, in his mind, he can make himself seem sooooo good… is that what you are doing? I would never abandon my kids though, I have fussed at them when I was upset over him, but they know and understand because I make sure they do, and no, I don’t tell them bad things about their father, I want them to have a good relationship with him, like I did my dad, but I will NOT have them believe the lies and stupidity that him and his family put upon me! I have never done anything wrong… I often say.. I should do something really bad to make up for my being so good and getting this life in return… I haven’t yet…. Good thing I am kind of germ crazy,,, lol…. But something will have to be done… I will not keep living like this, getting accused and lied to daily as I take care of my children.. it is quite stupid to live this way!! I confront him, I ask in a nice voice about things and he totally blows up and manipulates the conversation jumping from one subject to the next, I can’t get out a full thought… it’s just stupid! He goes on and on and contradicts himself constantly… I have just started laughing… since it is just so stupid!! There is no reason to bring up anything as it will always come back to what a horrid person I am and things I have NEVER done! He thinks what he does is scaring me into staying with him… it’s not…. I want out… I want love, I am a beautiful and pretty good-looking person, I won’t live like this!! Why should I???? It is always hard to give advice with one side... you want to make the person feel better but then again, not encourage their wrongful behavior, if you understand... I know what it feels like to have hell on earth and have no one on your side... it isn't pleasant... especially when your husband makes you out to be a person that you are truly not... total lies to make himself look better... it is really sad... After my daughter was in treatment I was on the computer a lot... my husband tells people I was talking to people... I was looking up things that could help her... anything... I never talked to anyone... I know that is all I did, I didn't read my email, nothing... I didn't hardly speak to anyone, I was in total shock and so alone! I took my laptop to the hospital... when I wasn't doing for my daughter or helping her to the bathroom, or saving her from choking to death due to nurses not listening to me.... I was trying to find something that would help her. My knowledge and questions and ideas drew me very close to the doctor, to whom I actually miss having someone in my life to have "real" intelligent conversations with, he was a great guy and was true to his wife and daughter and I admire him for that. I have no idea why my husband would be unhappy with me... I did all I could and never gave him any reason to even think I would cheat on him and was only there by his side to help him through life, but what did he do the one or MAIN time I needed him most???!!! Abuse me... do you think that is what I deserved? I'll tell you... NO it wasn't... I am a proud individual, but I needed someone, I needed my husband.... a husband more than I think I will ever again... what does that change? His excuse of how that was how he coped with the issues... no that didn't help me one little bit! He abandoned me... but I am stronger now that he could even guess... We still live together but I find things out little by little that do not fit in my “ideal.” Lie after lie, how can you trust, with no trust, there is no marriage… that is how I feel, you have to be able to think he can go on a business trip and come back to you and not give you some type of disease… trust is very important… honesty is so important, I think one of the most important things is just being friends and actually enjoying each other’s company and being able to talk and really, can you see yourself old with this person… that is so important…. I mean… I may look good now… what will I look like in 40-50 years? If I live that long…. Do I have a relationship that will build upon itself…. That is a good question…. I don’t right now… I think he could… I guess, just not with me…. We have been together since I was 15 years old… I wasn’t pregnant, (I have to say that) but we got married 6 days after I turned 17…. Wow!!! Can you imagine… my daughter just turned 17….. there is no way in H_ll she could even think about that…. It was so different back then…. I graduated when I was 15, then went to Business College… then got married…. I had so much potential… and even married, if I had of not married a control freak and his mother….they made our decisions, not him and me, it was him and her... Where would I be now??? Who knows… it could have been better… it could have been worse… I can’t look back…. I have to move forward… Who knows what will happen with my daughter, she is on an experimental treatment and she is in remission, which is just a total miracle!! They didn’t think she would get here! She is one strong, smart, funny, beautiful person…. (Takes after her mom… lol) I get down quite a bit, but how could I not, then again… I have to continue for her, for my boys who are awesome… for myself… I really have to find the right value in myself… Any ideas on work from home stuff… I’m so sick of the pay this do this junk.. that is around… I need something real! I am so good at so many things… lol…. Yes, I did just say that…. I have come around… going through all of this…. I lost so much weight, I was only a 5/6 in size but I got down to 80 lbs due to worry and doing it alone… I have gotten back up to a 1 or 2… lol…. But at least after 3 kids I don't have flab hanging from anywhere, I have always been athletic. Well that’s all for now.. I will continue later…. Let me know what you think!!???? What do I do now???? How do I continue?? This is such a small part of what has really happened…. Maybe I should write a book… it would be a good story…. I have several in the process…. But at this time can’t concentrate on them… I am getting better at it though….. it will come to me…. I just wish it was a bit faster….. I have lost patience… this has really taken my patience away, I didn’t have much to begin with… lol

Feliciti -

Love all, do wrong to none, trust few.....

Christian marriage workshops and counseling is readily available and people of other faiths are also encourage to participate. If there is a church in your area, be sure to inquire if you think you and your spouse is in need of counseling, or if you wish to reach out and help other couples. The Internet is also full of valuable links and resources if you wish to know more about programs like these.

Christian marriage counseling solves the problems and issues related to the marriage and can help you see what god wants from your marriage life. This helpful Christian marriage counseling also called a couples therapy. Christian marriage counseling can fester and bring additional devastation to a marriage. This effective Christian marriage counseling is a highly tailored program for marriage couples facing problem in their love or marriage relationship. This helpful Christian marriage therapy includes individual therapy sessions or may be group therapy for your complete behavioral and physical analysis. Find more information about the helpful and effective Christian marriage counseling of this site.

http://www.marriage-counselors.net/couples-problems/Christian-Marriage-C...

Me and my husband are getting through a similar therapy program. We had big marriage problems but they all got solved when we tried counseling. Before that i was thinking that marriage counseling it's only for movies but it's not true.