Sexual Desire is Alive and Well in Daters Over 50

An alert reader sent a link to this article, “Sex, Lust And Passion Top Baby Boomer Love Expectations” for us to mull over.

According to a study conducted by Wanobe.com, “The Lifestyle Place for Those Over Fifty,” a UK site, singles over 50 are twice as likely as their younger counterparts to have sex on the first date. I wonder how this would compare to how Yanks would respond. Are Americans looser and hornier than our UK brethren, or more reserved because of our country’s Puritan forebearers?

They surveyed more than a thousand 50- to 65-year-olds who were members of Europe’s largest dating service. Thirty-seven percent of the over 50’s said they’d have sex on a first date compared to 18% of the under 40’s. (So what happens if you’re between 40 and 50?) Are the midlifers more sexually liberal because we grew up during the sexual revolution? Or are we more comfortable with the notion of casual sex? The latter seems counter to what I’ve read about boomers and dating sex, which is that midlifers aren’t as run by their hormones, they are willing to wait for sex until they have a strong tie with the person they have been seeing.

The survey’s wording is interesting. It asked, “Would you have sex on the first date?” “Would” is different than “have.” Lots of horny people would have sex anytime — but they don’t have the opportunity. So given the chance to have sex on a date with someone who has agreed to spend the evening with you — hey, sure!

The report doesn’t break down the data by male/female. So let’s guess at the numbers. If the respondents were evenly divided, and 72% of the men said yes, only 2% of the women would have to say yes to make the total 37%. Even if we double the women’s percentage to 4%, it means 70% of the men would say yes. This seems about right, based on what my readers have shared and I’ve gleaned from other sources. Not that women aren’t as horny as men — but I think most women still have some stigma around doing the deed on the first date. I would be very surprised if a nearly equal number of women and men responded yes.

Interestingly, 76% of the women who said they’d have sex on the first date said they wanted to be “wooed” by their date first, and they expected the man to pick up the bill. So if he buys dinner, you’ll have sex, but if he doesn’t, no? And I thought buying sex from non-sex workers was dead! So the truth is the women respondents just didn’t want to be a cheap date! I wonder if fish and chips qualifies as “wooing.”

Just for fun, let’s say the 37% is equally divided between men and women. So 370 total said they’d have sex on the first date, 185 men, 185 women. Seventy-six percent (women wanting to be wooed first) equals 141 women. So a bit more than a quarter of all the women respondents (28%) say they’d like the man to buy them dinner first. That feels like a reasonable percentage.

And those surveyed don’t just want sex — they want it NOW! Seventy-three percent of respondents “intend to find a fulfilling sexual relationship in the next 12 months, while 84% want a full sexual relationship with the next person they meet.” Read that again — “the next person they meet.” What if you are the lucky recipient of an email from that person and you accept an invitation for a drink. Do you think that person may be a tad sexually overwrought? A bit sexually aggressive? Have different expectations for the encounter than you might have? This certainly explains a lot of the inappropriate first-date behavior we’ve discussed here.

The good news is this study shows that midlifers are still interested in being sexual and passionate. At least those answering the survey, which was pitched to members of a dating site, which makes sense, doesn’t it? If someone wasn’t interested in romance and passion, s/he wouldn’t be likely to join a dating site, right? So the study is skewed because of the self-selection.

What do you think about this study? Does it seem right to you, or are Americans a different breed? Our UK readers, does this ring true for you? How would you answer if you were asked the question, “Would you have sex on a first date?” _______________

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