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Technology is transforming divorce; The "CSI" effect on marriages

Wesley's picture

Like many other things in life, digital technology is transforming divorce as well as digital evidence (especially text messages, cell phone records, and email messages) are increasingly becoming part of contentious divorce cases.

According to one divorce attorney profiled in a recent NY Times story (may require registration), three-quarters of her cases involve some sort of electronic communications. She stated that she routinely requests court orders to seize and copy spouses hard drives for the purposes of verifying a couple's financial picture or a parent's suitability.

“In just about every case now, to some extent, there is some electronic evidence,” said Gaetano Ferro, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, who also runs seminars on gathering electronic evidence. “It has completely changed our field.”

Most of these stories do not end amicably.

Of course snooping can happen well before divorce filings and even couples in seemingly healthy relationships can find themselves peeping into their spouses' electronic communications. Without delving into the rights and wrongs of such activities it can leave the snooper feeling guilty (though perhaps relieved) about violating their partner's trust. One thing for certain, the days of calls with no one on the other end and lipstick on the collar being the first signs of infidelity are long gone.

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Anonymous's picture

Technology does make our lives and divorce easier.

If it wasn't for me being able to access her emails when I became suspicious of her affair I would probably still be married and not aware of her afternoon romantic liasons while I was at work. Even though I did not need to use it during the divorce it was a key factor in coming to a settlement as she could not tolerate all the sordid facts being made public.

Anonymous's picture

high tech and the cheating heart

It makes cheating easier. No way my wife would have walked into a sleazy bar have fliratious converstaions with low-lifes. What she was able to do on the internet was tantamount to that. She signed into a chatroom and she was off. That is until she made the mistake of leaving the laptop unguarded. I didn't suspect a thing.

Then, I looked at cell phone records. For months she had been staying up at night "working" because things were piling up at her job. Over three months I counted dozens of phone calls. All at 1-3 a.m. all over the country. This woman is head of the Sunday School Committee. She is also my ex-wife.

There are tons of weak people. The internet puts so much temptation only a mouse click away. But if they're a cheater, technology or not, they'll find a way.

Anonymous's picture

Note on this thing you call MLC

I think my bf of 7 years might be in MLC. he has started being distant and moody. he spends practically no time with me or his kids. hangs out with friends, hates his job, doesn't call everyday like before, getting an appt with rock group. takes up martial arts, goes on diet so he won't die when he starts new sport, he is out of shape. he tells me all this. never lived with me, has kids from previous marriage. says he doesn't care if he doesn't see them. this is totally out of character for him, Ive known him for 17 years. he say's he's scared of his loss of interest in all that was so important to him before. came on all of a sudden without warning. say's he thinks he's off his rocker. are these signs of MLC? he is 38, short, fat, bald and getting gray. could i be right? i would never tell him i thought this. it might just send him over the edge.
I just back off and go back to what i am doing. i don't call, will he come back around? does it ever end? should i wait around? how long does it last? don't know if I have that kind of time.

Wesley's picture

Midlife Crisis Explained

You asked several good questions about midlife crises and you certainly listed a number of signs associated with them. I suggested you read our mega-post on midlife crises which contains information on the issues you are asking about.

Wesley Hein
Wesley [at] lifetwo [dot] com
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