Five Experts Help You Find and Understand Happinesss

One of the stresses of middle age is the pressure we put on ourselves asking if we are as happy as we should be. We feel that by the midpoint in our life we should be doing well in our careers, relationships, finances and just about everything else, all resulting in unprecedented bliss. That's because many people in middle age feel like they've been "paying their dues" up to this point and now it's time for all of that work and sacrifice to pay off. If we aren't either happy now (or just about to be happy) then when will we be? Happiness is such a relevant topic for midlife that we dedicated an entire week to how to be happy (highly recommended reading).

Not surprisingly most experts will tell you that the line of thinking above is a recipe for unmet expectations and far-from-optimal happiness levels. Over the past decade, researchers have tackled the concept of happiness and the optimal path for achieving it. Pscyhology Today asked four happiness researchers to discuss the nature of happiness and how one should go about achieving it.

Here are some excerpts from their answers:

John Reich, Ph.D., Arizona State University:

I believe that happiness is being aware not only of the positive events that occur in your life but also that you yourself are the cause of these events--that you can create them, that you control their occurrence, and that you play a major role in the good things that happen to you.

As far as the best ways to get there, I would say that attempting to cause as many positive events as you feel capable of--and being successful at most of them--is the quickest and most effective way to achieve happiness.

Ed Diener, Ph.D., University of Illinois:

It has also been hypothesized that a person's level of happiness is determined by comparisons he or she makes with standards. These standards may be based on social comparisons, on the particular person's aspiration level, on the person's past, or on his or her ideals. If people exceed these standards, they will be satisfied; but if they fall short of these standards, they will experience unhappiness.

David G. Meyers, Ph.D., Author:

o Act happy. Talk and act as if you have the traits and attitudes of a happy person, and you may gain them. Going through the motions can trigger the emotions.

o Seek work and leisure that engage your skills. Happy people are often absorbed in tasks they find challenging but not overwhelming.

o Exercise. An avalanche of recent studies reveals that aerobic exercise is a powerful antidote for depression and anxiety.

Alex C. Michalos, Ph.D., University of Guelph, Ontario:

Contrary to popular opinion, there is only a somewhat modest correlation between income and happiness, but it is much less so than people imagine. Material items are also way overrated.

While he was not included in the Psychology Today article we would be remiss if we wrote about happiness and didn't include input from:

Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, author:

Every evening since September 19 1999, religiously, Ben-Shahar has made a list in a notebook of five things for which he feels grateful ("it could be that fantastic sandwich I had, or it could be my family"), and keeping a gratitude diary is now part of the homework for the Harvard course. It all sounds desperately slushy - a terminal lack of coolness is, regrettably, endemic to happiness studies - but this is a kneejerk response it may be useful to try to suppress, as apparently it works: in 2002, a large-scale University of Miami study found a strong correlation between gratitude and overall levels of happiness.

Using these excerpts let's go back and revisit the flaws of thinking of the opening paragraph. First is the use of "should". Anyone who has ever read a self-help book knows that "should" statements are to be avoided. More often than not they lead to guilt and frustration. Worse, they are often the result of social comparisons--a never win game. The other major short-coming of thinking at the top is with regards to "paying one's dues." This implies that it is acceptable to put up with an unpleasant and unrewarding portion of one's life (perhaps decades) in order to receive a big, positive happiness payoff in the end. This is flawed in at least two basic ways. First, in order to optimize happiness one should try and find joy in all aspects of living (particularly career and relationships). There should never be any paying of dues. Second, payoffs almost never have any lasting impact on happiness. After a short period of time, you will be right back at the level that you started.

Combine the advice from the experts above and you get something like: Realize that you can create positive events in your life and take responsibility for doing so. Avoid comparisons with what others have and be grateful for what you have. Seek work and leisure that engages you, challenges you, and allows you to grow.

Good luck.