Happiness Week Day 1: From Happy to Happier

Welcome to our first of seven days of Happiness Week -- LifeTwo's series of articles and quick exercises to help you become happier. On this first day you'll work on figuring out what makes you happy.

If you are just joining us then read this post first.

Defining Happiness:

Happiness has been studied and pursued throughout history by philosophers, scientists, religious scholars, artists and others, and there is no shortage of competing definitions. In his book "Happier," Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar calls personal happiness "the overall experience of pleasure and meaning." Wikipedia says it is "an emotional or affective state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment, pleasure, and satisfaction." Some have defined it as "subjective well-being" while others call it "frequent positives versus the infrequent negatives in our lives."

For our purposes, happiness will be considered a a state of generally positive emotions but with an underlying sense of purpose and meaning. We will initially focus on the first part of this definition, having "generally positive emotions," and then over the next few days delve into the importance of "purpose and meaning".

Are you happy?

At some point someone might have asked you, "Are you happy?". This is a well-meaning but not particularly helpful question. This is how Dr. Ben-Shahar responds:

How do I determine whether I am happy or not? At what point do I become happy? Is there some universal standard of happiness, and, if there is, how do I identify it? Does it depend on my relative happiness to others...?

The question "Am I happy" suggests that happiness is something that you are either or you are not, and that if you are happy then you've reached the termination of your pursuit.

But happiness is not a place or a destination, it's a continuum. You can always be happier. Therefore, as recommended by Ben-Shahar, the question should not be whether you are happy but what you can do to become happier. Better yet, ask yourself, "How can I be happier now and in the future?" Figuring out the answer to this last question and then doing something about it is the goal of this week and will be a lifelong pursuit.

What makes you happy?

Not surprisingly, one of the best methods to become happier is to do more of the things that bring you enjoyment. To do this you need to identify what these things are. Gaining this knowledge will be our first exercise in becoming happier.

Exercise #1A: Enlightenment

Allocate 10-15 minutes for this exercise. Make a list of what brings you pleasure. Include little things (such as having a cappuccino on the way to work) and also bigger things (for example learning a new skill). Some of the things you list will have deep meaning to you but many will be simple activities that you find pleasant. Add to the list as you think of new things throughout the day or week.

What I learned from the enlightenment exercise:

I did this exercise in advance and it was almost certainly the first time in my life I spent uninterrupted minutes thinking about what makes me happy. In the process of doing so I realized that many of the things that I had normally considered to be regular, uninspiring activities were actually things that I enjoyed doing. I now view these activities in a different and more positive light. This type of realization is actually one of the goals of this exercise. I saw that did a lot more things that I enjoyed doing than I had been aware. I just didn't see them this way or appreciate them as such. According to "Happier", being grateful and having appreciation for what we have are important components of happiness.

I sometimes drive my kids to school and had normally thought of this as a chore, not a source of happiness. However as I thought about it, I recategorized this activity as something that I enjoyed doing. They'll soon no longer need me to drive them and I know that I'll miss it. There were several other examples of chores and otherwise basic activities that made my list as well. I also listed many things that I enjoy doing, are easy to do, but that for various reasons I just don't find the time to do. I was surprised how many things fell into that category. Finally, I had big things go on the list that, if I don't do something about them soon, might never get done.

Exercise 1B: Implementation

Adopting new behaviors, even for things that we like to do, can be hard. Anyone who has tried to start an exercise regimen knows this and it's why most New Year's resolutions fail. One tool for helping individuals change is to adopt a ritual around that change. It turns out that while changing a behavior can be somewhat hard, sticking with something that has been ritualized is much easier. Here is an example. Let's say you want to start stretching for 15 minutes every day. Your chances are much greater that you'll stick with it if you create a regular pattern such as stretching first thing in the morning while the coffee is brewing. If your ritual is to get up, turn on coffee, stretch for 15 minutes, then drink your coffee, you will have a much greater likelihood of success than relying purely on self-discipline.

Exercise: Select one or two of the things from the above list that you'd like to do more of but don't for various reasons. Create a ritual around each one of these. For example, if it is running, then pull out your day planner and put put in your workouts as if they were meetings or anything else that you would not miss. If it is talking to old friends, then create a time and a process that you will do this (for example every Tuesday you will call one old friend to talk to). Of course these are highly individualistic to you and your likes, but the point is that you should feel better and get a happiness boost from the simple fact that you are doing at least a little more of the things you like to do. According to Dr. Ben-Shahar, even doing a few more pleasurable activities in a week can make a difference in your outlook and how you perceive your entire week. Don't think that the benefit of adding 1-2 hours of enjoying activities a week will be limited to the time that you are doing those activities. In fact the benefits of that time is likely to be much greater.

What I learned from this exercise:

The ritual that I decided to implement was getting up by 5 a.m. every morning so that I could do more of the things that I like to do that are best done in the morning (read the paper while drinking coffee, write, exercise). I am now in my fourth week of this ritual and can say that it has made a big difference in how I feel during the day having started it off with a series of activities that I enjoy.

Summary

Of course this approach to becoming happier (that is doing more things that make us happy) is simplistic and over the next few days we will delve deeper into the essence of happiness. But it's important to know that while doing little things won't bring lifelong bliss, daily pleasures shouldn't be discounted for improving one's mood and outlook nor should you fail to appreciate the things that bring you happiness on a regular basis.

In doing the above exercises hopefully you learned a little bit more about what you like to do and started thinking about how to do more of them. Perhaps you've even recategorized a few things from chores that simply had to be done to things that you really like to do.

Tomorrow we explore the different ways people approach their own happiness and learn about Hedonists and Rat Racers.

The centerpiece of LifeTwo's Happiness Week is Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar's book "Happier." For our summary, click here ... or go straight to its Amazon page.