Over The Top At 50? Was It MLC or Addiction?

The search for what happened and why began at age 50. A marriage of 29 years with no apparent life, leads to a series of one night affairs. Children rapidly growing up and leaving the nest provided little stimulus. Work, which always provided past stimulus becomes boring and bothersome. Work performance suffers leading to a series of job changes. Clinical depression is diagnosed and medication is prescribed. I resent the weekly trip to the psychologist office for my one hour session. All the while I find escape and excitement at the Casino, even with imminent destruction, personal and financial, at hand. The fall from grace isn't pretty and lands me in an addiction treatment facility for compulsive gambling. Family & friends don't know what to think. Everyone is angry! According to intake professionals, I am one sick individual. My wife divorces me while I am in treatment. My children became distant. Today, five years into a twelve step program, I am happier than most people I know. Life, once again, has meaning. Yet, a nagging question? WHY? What was it? What came first, the MLC or the addiction turned unhealthy? I'm told that I don't need to know.