Aging Backwards Tuesday Tips #8: Communication is Crucial

In the 1991 romantic comedy He Said, She Said, starring Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth Perkins, two journalists voice opposing views on their television show -- and in their personal lives. It's an entertaining comedic study in communication and miscommunication.

Effective communication can improve relationships - business and personal - thereby creating harmony and reducing stress in your life. According to Albert Mehrabian, author of Nonverbal Communication (Chicago: Aldine-Atherton, 1972), when delivering a message to others, words are 7% effective, tone of voice is 38% effective and non-verbal cues are an amazing 55% effective.

Here are five Aging Backwards tips for effective verbal communication:

1) Refine the message. It can be helpful to make a list of issues or write down the details of the message you want to convey before discussing it. You'll be clear about what you want to accomplish in the conversation, making it easier to express yourself with confidence.

2) Start on a positive note. If the conversation relates to a complaint or grievance, start by sincerely stating something positive about the person or situation. This will put the other person at ease and can take some of the sting out of the negative.

3) Ask for feedback. Once you've stated your point in the conversation, ask for feedback from the other person to ensure that they understand your message.

4) Stop and listen. It's tempting to do all the talking when you have an important issue to discuss, especially an emotional one. Stop and listen to the other person's opinion because, as we all know, there are two sides to every story.

5) Try not to go away angry. Close the conversation by summing up both sides of the conversation and, when possible, end on a positive note.

Here are five Aging Backwards tips for effective non-verbal communication:

1) Start with a smile. Smiling makes you look warm, approachable and confident and can help to begin a conversation on a positive note.

2) Maintain eye contact. Looking the other person in the eye shows you're interested in the conversation, interested in what they have to say and fully "present" in the discussion.

3) Consider your posture. Leaning in shows you're engaged in the conversation. Slouching conveys a lack of confidence. Crossing your arms sends a "keep out" message.

4) Relax your legs. Your legs tend to move around and fidget when you're nervous or being deceptive, so it's best to try to keep your legs still while at the same time staying comfortable.

5) Be aware of your proximity. Getting too close to someone can send the message that you're "pushy" or "overbearing." Being too far away can convey "stand-offishness" or "aloofness." Try to find a happy medium so your proximity matches your message.

So, the next time you have something on your mind, don't hold it in and let it fester to the point of exploding. Stress is contrary to Aging Backwards! Release that stress with calm, effective communication and see how much better you'll feel.