Review: "Practically Perfect in Every Way": Misadventures Through the World of Self-Help and Back

What would happen if someone attempted to follow the advice of twenty-nine self-help experts over a 2-year period in an effort to be a happier person? That is exactly what Jennifer Niesslein has done and her book “Practically Perfect in Every Way”, which chronicles her somewhat tortured journey in surprising detail. Her book is to self-help what “Supersize Me” is to the fast food industry--that is what happens when someone goes well past their normal cut-off point.

There is much to like about this book and it is appropriate for anyone who is about to embark on a self-help regimen. Better yet, it’s a great read for anyone who has already tried, but failed, to lose weight, rescue a relationship, eliminate clutter or otherwise improve some aspect of their life. That's because Niesslein discovers that most (but not all) self-help books don't help to the level that they advertise on their book jackets. For all of the tips, suggestions, and "dream baskets" they may prescribe, don't expect to see your life changed, at least for the better.

At the beginning of the project, Niesslein sets out to improve pretty much every aspect of her life with the overriding goal of being a happier person. This overhaul includes her finances, home, marriage, mothering, community, health and spirituality. Niesslein optimistically throws herself into each new self-help regimen ready to be improved. But for me the best parts of the book are when things don't go as promised and her somewhat snarky commentary ensues.

On Dr. Laura:

I feel a little bit like Kelly McGillis in Witness, eyeing Harrison Ford shyly from under my bonnet.

On Dr. Phil:

There is simply no way to tell your mate about (Dr. Phil's) Relationship Rescue without sounding like you've joined a cult. Dr. Phil's plan, I'm sorry to report, is not becoming clearer to me. Unless Phil's plan was, in fact, to get me to actively dislike Phil.

On Suze Orman:

…a little too intense for my taste, she seems to blink less often than the average person.

On using Feng Shui:

New Agers in general have this tendency to take it one step too far and lose me. Again and again, it’s happened: Energy—yeah! Synergy—yeah! The healing power of crystals? Um, wait, No.

Even though this is not a self-help book that does not mean there aren’t a lot of tips and lessons that can be gleamed from her experiences. Examples include:

Clutter: Don’t start an unnecessary collection. For example, cookie jars with pigs on them.

Relationships: You can only change yourself. Try to change another human being is folly.

Money: Don't confuse financial planning with happiness, eliminating financial uncertainty doesn't necessarily bring happiness.

Making friends: Be a good listener.

Business: You can't win an argument (ever).

Despite all of the false starts and disappointments, Niesslein does find a few gurus with whom she connects and that she believes are a cut above the rest. First and foremost is Oprah Winfrey who she calls "hands down the most charismatic person ever." She also likes Positive Psychologist Martin Seligman and healthy aging expert Dr. Andrew Weil. She learns a lot from each and respects the advice they give. It is not surprising that she selects these three as they are among the most respected personas in the self-help business. Winfrey and Weil are brands in themselves. Seligman, as Niesslein notes, has been quoted in more self-help books than "you can shake a motivational paragraph at." He is also the only self-help author that can lay claim to having established an entirely new branch of psychology ("positive psychology").

After reading "Practically Perfect" I've learned three things. First, self-help books are not a panacea to solving problems and improving lives. In fact, instead of trying to change ourselves into something different we might be better off figuring out how to enjoy more of who we are. Second, when it comes to self-help authorities, Winfrey, Weil and Seligman are in a class by themselves. It wouldn't be a bad strategy start off by picking up a book by each of them. Third, Niesslein is an entertaining writer and I'm glad she invited us along for her journey.

Amazon link: Practically Perfect in Every Way

Update: Read LifeTwo's interview with Jennifer Niesslein as she discusses the thinking behind her self-help journey.