Treasures can come in dented packages

If you received a gift in a Tiffany’s box but the corner was mushed, would you be unhappy? If you were given a 2-pound box of your favorite Godiva with the top indented, would you be disappointed?

No, of course not. Because you know it’s what’s inside that really matters.

Many midlife daters make snap decisions upon meeting a potential new suitor based upon a minor physical imperfection. Perhaps their date is carrying a few extra pounds. Or their glasses are out of date. Or they don’t have the right colored hair.

The Washington Post plays matchmaker each week setting up two singles who, based on their application, seem to be a match. The Post interviews each after the date and reports each dater’s thoughts. Here are a few from recent Date Lab experiences:

Laura: Mark’s not my type. He had a more mature appearance, and I usually like dark hair and darker complexions. So I knew it would be unlikely for there to be a romantic connection. I thought I’d make the most of the evening, and that was as far as that was going to go.

Mark: She was above-average looking; her lips were nice and full. But the big disconnect was her eyes. I like a woman whose eyes twinkle. Hers had no life in them whatsoever. She had no vibrancy.

Amy: On a very superficial level, Piao wasn’t my type. My dream date is Mr. Darcy — tall, dark, a little retrospective and confident. Piao is the antithesis, more like a sprite.

Piao: She was 5-foot-8, brunette. Attractive enough, but I didn’t think it’d be a match. I like girls who are a little shorter, and I sensed she was older.

Krushae: I do recall seeing him, but there were a couple of other dudes at the bar that looked more like my type — broad-shouldered, in suits. I was expecting someone wearing more professional attire, I guess.

Sybil: He’s an attractive guy, but not one I’d necessarily be attracted to. I’m a thick African American woman, 5-foot-7, and he was about 5-foot-9, with a slight build. His vibe was laid-back, almost passive. Women like a sense of security; he didn’t give me that.

It’s amazing to me how we make such judgments about if it will work out or not before the other person has opened his mouth. However, I know I’m guilty of this myself. A friend recently pointed to a man across the room with whom she’d been talking and discovered he’s widowed and looking for a new relationship. He said things that she thought would be a good fit for me. But when I saw him I said, “He’s not my type.” So I was being a shallow as those quoted above!

On the other hand, nearly none of the men I’ve dated for more than a few times would fit my physical description of my ideal man. My ex was good looking and I was drawn to his looks even when he was in his 60s. I can’t say that about any of the men with whom I’ve dated since then. I commonly think, “If I were to see him across the room at a party, I wouldn’t be pulled to meet him.”

However there was something there to make me want to see a man again and again. If I could get past the lack of immediate physical attraction, I’d often find a treasure inside. And the more I fell for the treasure, the more attractive he got.

So even if a new guy doesn’t meet all your physical requirements, give him a chance to expose his inner gems. He may just become as yummy as those Godiva chocolates!
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