Volkswagen's Cure for Midlife Crisis

My husband left me this Monday. he was fabulous until about three-four weeks ago. it then seemed like someone flipped a switch!! he told me he loves me but is not in love with me anymore. he says he is just not happy......so he moved out and went to back to his home state of IN. we are six hundred miles apart. he has not called in the three and half days that he has been gone. he did text me last night saying that he was so sorry and that he has to divorce, but hopes that I can forgive him someday. he also said he will never forget me. he stated he couldn't help this, it was just how he felt. I am just ill. I love this man...... I just don't know what to do. I am trying to leave him alone.....give him some time. i just want to freak out and shake him so that he sees what he is doing. I need help; advice; someone to tell me what to do.

Julie

Julie, I am so sorry. A similar thing happened to me (search by my name to see my story - sam_in_la on here).

I would recommend the following short survival check list:

1. ask for help from your friends. you need them now more than ever.
2. get a counselor. couples if possible - if not, then just you.
3. get an attorney.
4. reach out to your church if you have one.
5. don't do anything to him or yourself that you will ever regret - take the high road. if only for yourself.
6. do not make any major decisions or changes - e.g. job or living quarters - if possible (it only adds stress).

Julie, many of us out here are there too. It is awful - I know. I will say a little prayer for you tonight.

sam_in_la

I'm also sorry Julie. Sam is right. There many here who have experienced this. My wife did about the same thing. Sam's steps are rigt on the money. I woul add this: Try not to internalize any negative feelings. This is your husband's stuff and this is how he chooses to work it out. Some people are badly wired. They're also immature and wrapped up in themselves so that running seems a better option than facing life on life's terms. But don't blame yourself or replay what you could have done. Keep you self respect intact.

I nearly left my wife, just like your man did, but felt responsible for the upbringing of our child, so now I'm stuck - and thats just it - stuck, this is what yours and possibly tons of their men (and women too) feel like in this midlife saga, or as quoted from the scene from American Beauty: "...I feel so sedated..." So, what to do, here's my advise:
1) Give him the space
2) its a mind game (attitude), so keep alert and alive (i.e. live a full life) - he will come back when he thinks its better than what he currently has - this will happen, because you love him and he will realize the value of that
3) don't over-love him, it dilutes your worth
4) never nag, never judge, lets face it, we have about 20,000 or so days left on the planet and then its all over, so what ever you do and feel about the remainder days is up to you, i.e. they will be good if you say they will - my guess he is trying to get his head around something thoughts like this.
5) when communication does start to come, think you are starting the "dating" process over again, go cautiously, be a little reserved, play the game as you used to.
regards to you all, p-at-flynn-dot-net

Julie - My wife did the same thing. Told me she loved me but wasn't in love with me, had an affair and filed for divorce.
Let me tell you one thing - you have got to remain strong. I felt that it was impossible for me to get where I am now, but guess what, I am here and stronger than I have ever been. Growing through adversity makes us stronger and builds our character.
Sam is right about the church. I couldn't do this on my own, and never had I ever turned to God - EVER. But when I finally broke down and invited Him into my heart and soul - the next day it was like I weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Granted - you'll still have tough days, but as long as you let Him help you, you'll be fine.
A longtime friend of mine who helped me out in the beginning told me, when this first started, that one day I would feel sorry for my wife. Well, I completely understand what she meant. My wife is in bondage because of the destructive path she is leaving. She is alienating the kids, pushing me out of her life for good, and finding a temporary "fix" in her new man. Let me tell you, sex does not make a relationship and running away from yourself can only lead you down a dark path of regret.
You'll be fine - trust me - mark my words. Trust in Him and He will lead you. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

-Jim