LifeTwo's 'Basics' Podcast, Episode 3: Women and Midlife Crisis

On this podcast I’m going to talk about how women experience midlife crisis.

And I’m not talking about what happens when a man in their life goes through one. No, this is her own.

In an earlier podcast I talked about the different kinds of midlife crisis. I noted that some are actually crises that happen in midlife – such as divorce, career change, or the death of someone close. We’re going to focus on the other -- classic -- type of midlife crisis. Those are the ones triggered by concern over your mortality, and usually involve a re-evaluation of your life.

For far too long, midlife crisis has been associated with men. Quick, when someone says “midlife crisis,” what image forms in your mind? Is it a balding, forty-something man driving a red Corvette, with an age-inappropriate bimbo in the passenger seat?

But that man is, literally, half the story. What about the balding guy’s wife?

Our stereotypical Corvette driver reflects a bias toward viewing midlife crisis as a mostly male phenomenon. But that just isn’t the case. Studies have shown that women are just as likely as men to go through a period of questioning their life’s path and purpose.

But a woman’s midlife crisis is often different than a man’s.

Researchers say that the male midlife crisis is often triggered by work or career issues, such as job dissatisfaction or missed promotions.

Studies have shown that a women's turmoil at midlife is more likely to be driven by introspection, such as dissatisfaction with their own performance as a daughter, wife, or parent.

Women are also more likely to cite personal health problems or physical changes as the cause of their midlife crises. This can include worries about slowing down or about losing one's attractiveness.

External triggers – what we call “crises that happen in midlife “ – can include family issues such as divorce.

While midlife can be a time of high stress for both men and women, researchers have found that women experience more measurable causes of stress. They have to deal with stress from work, from their family, and often feel some of the stress directed at those close to them.

So women aren’t as reliant as men on their career as a source of validation. But because they are spread so thin, that in itself may bring on a period of questioning “why am I doing this?”

Some say that women enter a midlife crisis more gradually than men. Tace Hedrick, an assistant professor at the University of Florida, told Time magazine that "Men wake up at 45 and realize, 'I'm not 18 anymore.' But women, their biological clock is ticking. They are constantly reminded that they are aging."

But the good news is that slower crisis – a hill, not a brick wall – may provide women time to create better coping mechanisms. Compared to men, women at midlife have a markedly more hopeful and positive attitude about the future.

The Wall Street Journal’s Sue Shellenbarger, who wrote a book about women’s midlife crisis, cites a study showing that the older women get, the more likely they are to achieve a fulfilling goal. Men, unfortunately, fulfill fewer and fewer dreams as they get older.

So how do you get through the crisis period and on to the good stuff?

Again, there’s much good news for women. Because their crisis often comes from within, rather than from uncontrollable external forces, women often have it in their power to resolve it themselves.

Women usually have better support systems – friends and family – than men. They are also more likely to seek assistance. Turning to those support systems is an excellent step.

There are also online discussion groups, at LifeTwo and sites like Yahoo Answers.

Women are also more likely to engage professional help than men. Talk to a psychologist, member of clergy, or life coach about what’s going on. Even your family physician may be able to lend some guidance.

There’s obviously a wealth of information at sites like LifeTwo, and good books are published every year. Check out the self-help or psychology section of your bookstore, or search for “midlife crisis” at Amazon.com.

Finally, realize that you are not alone on this journey. For better or worse, an often-intense period of questioning or self-doubt happens to many, many people. Take the opportunity to answer your questions, examine your life, and figure out how to make it what you want. You will exit the process a stronger and happier individual.