Having trouble knowing what you want?

In my last article, "How to start figuring out what you want to do next", I laid out a way to start identifying the kind of life you want.

Have you tried it? Are you having trouble getting clarity? That isn't unusual. Often we confuse what we don't want for clarity on what we desire. But when it comes time to take action to move forward, there is the sudden realization "I don't know what to do?" And a kind of dismay or even panic sets in.

In a recent article about this, I wrote:

Getting that clarity can be hard. Sometimes it is really hard to get in touch with what we want - either in a particular situation or in the bigger question of what we want out of life. Ever feel like you can’t seem to get in touch with what makes you happy? Or what sparks your creativity? Sometimes you only know you don’t want to feel the emptiness or heaviness.

Your internal guidance system may be way off. You may not be able to feel that old spark of excitement or passion when you hit on something that really lights you up. Here are some steps to get it back:

1. Start moving - Get active. Anything - even just walking. You know by now that exercise changes your emotional state as much as your physical. It has been proven as an effective treatment in depression. So it makes sense that it would help in getting back in touch with your fire.

2. Get your mirrors back - Sometimes we don’t feel like we remember who we really are or what we are good at in life. It’s hard to feel motivated to make changes or try new things when we are full of doubt. So get back in touch with the people who know who you are and can reflect back to you what they see in you. It can help you get back in touch with you. Always make sure you have “good mirrors” around you in your life. It is a critical success factor.

3. Bring out the oldies - Bring back some of the things you used to enjoy doing, if you don’t feel the same charge. Sometimes it helps to just do one anyway. I used to enjoy painting, but stopped a several years ago. I used to enjoy how time suspended from the intense focus. While I don’t have the same feelings about painting, when I start doing something related to that experience like sketching, something gets turned back on. Sometimes it is very subtle but it’s there. And it might re-ignite or trigger something new.

4. Start something new - Learn something new. It could be a language, golf, a musical instrument, a new game, a hobby, etc. It really doesn’t matter. What matters is you place yourself in the process of learning. It gets the mind active in new ways, which builds new neural pathways. This can jump you up out of the rut.

5. Keep track of the sparks - As you are doing these things, keep track of your experiences. When something kicks up a spark of interest or a reaction, write it down. It may seem totally innocuous or you can’t see at the time what it really means, but write it down anyway. Examples could include a walk in the woods, a particular conversation, seeing a movie, etc. Include the smallest incident that seems to create a spark of joy or interest. Review what you write and look for any themes. This will do two things: It will start re-stoking your furnace and it will become easier for you to know when you find something that interests you. Second, the themes often will pint to particular things you can start or change that will enliven you.

You can read more about this in the article on my blog, "Engaging the Disquiet".

Let me know how you are doing!