Life Advice from Kids; ""If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse"

Boomers will remember Art Linkletter's House Party from the 60's featuring the unintentionally funny quips from kids. Ann Harrison had several humorous kid quotes on this morning's Contemporary Retirement which spurred me to seek out more. Yes, some of these are so old that the "kids" are probably in middle age by now, but they're no less funny:

Quotes:

"Never trust a dog to watch your food."
-Patrick, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer."
-Hannah, age 9

Never tell your Mom her diet's not working."
-Michael, age 14

"Stay away from prunes."
-Randy, age 9

"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
-Taylia, age 11

"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment."
-Traci, age 14

"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac."
- Andrew, age 9

"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."
- Kyoyo, age 11

"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."
-Amir, age 9

"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."
-Naomi, age 15

"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."
-Lauren, age 9

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
-Joel, age 10

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone."
-Alyesha, age 13

"Never try to baptize a cat."
-Eileen, age 8

How do you decide who to marry?

1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.-- Alan,aged 10

2. No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before,and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kirsten, age 10

What is the right age to get married?

1. Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

2. No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to ge married. -- Freddie, age 6

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

1. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

What do you think your mom and dad have in common?

1. Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

What do most people do on a date?

1. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8

2. On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?

1. I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

When is it okay to kiss someone?

1. When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

2. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. -- Curt, age 7

3. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

Is it better to be single or married?

1. I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing; I'm never going to kiss my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. -- Theodore, age 8

2. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9

How would the world be different if people didn't get married?

1. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

How would you make a marriage work?

1. Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky, age 10

Sources: Palmer Homer and "My $.02" (also available on about a thousand other sites)