It's a Midlife Crisis: Divorce in Middle Age

We know the script. Young people get married too early, have financial problems and end up in divorce. It then follows that men and women in their 20s and 30s would be the largest age group for being divorced and not married. But surprisingly it's not true.

In the U.S. in 2000 (the most recent year for which good data is available), the most divorced age groups were men and women between the ages of 45 and 54 years old. Almost 15% of men and 18% of women in that age group were divorced. About another 2.4% of men and 3.1% of women were separated. The groups on either side – 35 to 44 and 55 to 64 – were tied for second highest in both separated and divorced categories.

How and why are so many middle age couples calling it quits? According to Sheryl Kurland at Boomer Cafe sites these as contributing factors:

· Shift in social attitude toward marriage and divorce, and the legal ease of getting a divorce.

· Increased longevity and attention to personal happiness. At 45, unhappily married people are now facing another 40 years with their spouse rather than 20 or so just a few generations ago. They don’t want to spend decades more in misery.

· Financial independence of women due to successful careers. Economic affluence provides self-assurance and fewer fears about going it alone.

· Children have flown the coupe. Couples who “stayed together for the sake of the kids” now have the freedom they’ve been waiting for to split.

· Onset of “double menopause.” For both men and women, passage into midlife can stir an emotional rollercoaster. Spouses simultaneously struggling with aging may take out their inner turmoil on each other in the form of resentment, frustration and rejection.

Money is of course the root of many divorces. But in a cruel twist of irony, divorce exacerbates financial pressures, not the least of which is the actual cost of the divorce.

The average cost of divorce in the U.S. is estimated by Forbes to be $15,000 to $30,000. Court fees can add $25,000 for a two day trial. A study by Ohio State University ’s Center for Human Resource Research found that divorce reduces a person’s wealth by 77% compared to that of a single person.

“The couple next door got divorced so it must be okay” downplays the cost, pain and anguish that comes with divorce not to mention the all-too-easy to believe that the grass must be greener in other pastures. The incidence of second marriages falling apart should should that this isn't always true either. Not all marriages are destined to survive of course, but it appears that many that might have survived in an earlier era aren't today.