Stories about midlife career changes...the good, bad & ugly

The concept of midlife never intimidated me. I was looking forward to 40 when the Goddess said- HEY! We need to mix it up a little!! So I raised 3 kids and a husband and they all left home at about the same time. Many, many years later I'm now able to say that without wincing inside. My into to midlife crisis was baptism by fire and I've learned really well :-)

I'm now a Midlife Life Coach, Addiction/Marriage Family Therapist, and never saw ANY of that coming prior to the mid 90s.

I've been collecting research and data on midlife transitions and crises and was thrilled to find your pages here!!

This is my first foray into your community but I look forward to getting to know the members and joining in!

Griz

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Nothing's better than being given a do-over; but do it over with love; do it over with patience; do it over with pride; Do not leave pain in your wake, debris in your life. The moments are yours to collect....grab every one!

It's always nice when someone who has learned the hard way shares their experiences to make it easy for others. You are a welcome addition to the site.

Its nice to see someone who is confident they are on the right path, on this website, especially with your credentials.
I am a 40 year old married woman with no kids (can't have 'em), 2 dogs, a college degree in the liberal arts and in the midst of my midlife turmoil. I don't have interest in other men nor do I want a divorce or bright red convertable sports cars. However I do want to change careers.

I have never enjoyed the office positions I have held and I have never been very good at them, including being fired a couple of times. I am still looking to change careers and I believe finally that I am on the right course as I plan to further my studies in the fall of 2007 in horticulture. However, I quit my last job because once again I was bored with it (sitting behind a desk has become like death to me)and I took a temp job in a factory because I don't know what else to do for a living while I am studying for my new career. Problem is, I just accepted an office position in this same company and just started a few days ago, and now I realize I made a mistake(again!) and want to go back to the factory position that I held. I am driving myself crazy (and probably my husband and parents & friends too) because for right now I don't know what job I should be doing (the factory position isn't all peaches and cream either but it is better than the office.) I want to get myself settled down and stop flip-flopping on what my course of action should be, problem is I just don't know how, and I admit I don't know what I am doing!
I have read some books and they have helped, but now I feel I am embarking on another "flare-up" of my midlife crises and I don't want to bring everybody around me down with me. My mom thinks I should just knuckle under and work in an office for the rest of my life, my dad just wants me to do something constructive, my husband just wants me to settle down and I think my neighbors, brother & wife, & friends think I am whacked out! Any real help in dealing with this situation would be great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

waikikihi98

Different strokes for different folks. It's clear you don't like working in an office and the good news is that there the choices of careers that don't involve sitting behind a desk is limitless. Yes, you made a mistake going back to the office but c'est la vie. Your husband, parents and neighbors aren't the ones unhappy at the office everyday. While I'm sure you value their input, in the end it is your choice. You have a right to be happy and an obligation (to yourself) to find a career that matches who you are as a person. Since they all want you to "settle down" they should all support your decision to find a career that fits you because until then you won't be able to settle down. Spending the next 25 years unhappy is not an option.

Check out our midlife career FAQ and there might be some resources useful for you.

Well that's my opinion at least.

Well, I am a 54 year old male with over 30 years of human resources management experience facing unemployment. I have been unemployed since June, have had 3 interviews and 1 job offer. I want to do something different, maybe on my own, but I don't know what to do. I have money available to start my own business, but never have done that before. I have very little debt and a wife that says: "go for it". I don't know where to even start. I am scared of failure and just plain scared. I have taken personality surveys and they say do something with my hands, and immediate satisfaction. Any suggestions on how to start, what to look at, what not to do?

"Any suggestions on how to start, what to look at, what not to do?"

Yes, lots. First, if you are afraid of starting a business and putting 100% of your eggs in one basket so to speak, consider starting a business on the side. Of course it will take up all of your time until you find another job. If and when your side business gets going you can leave the job you take now. There is a book that we reviewed here on LifeTwo called "One Person Multiple Careers" that you might find useful. We also interviewed the author here.

You'll also want to click through our Midlife Career section Frequently Asked Questions.

Finally, please contribute here by posting your comments and thoughts so that what your experiences can help others.

Good luck and we hope to hear a lot more from you. While it might be scary, you are embarking on a very exciting path that should be very rewarding.

I have been a pharmacist for 12 years and have tried it in its various incarnations and I just don't want to do it full-time anywhere, anyhow, anymore! I need to work for a little money (and health insurance, mainly)and would be willing to work as a pharmacist on a (very) part-time basis (i.e. one weekend a month!). Trouble is, in applying for clerical, data entry-type positions, "pharmacist" is still on my resume and interviewers cannot understand why I would accept a position that pays so much less. I don't think Americans can accept the idea that more money does not equate to peace of mind. I've had no problem getting a part-time pharmacy position (although they really try to talk me into working more hours than I want to.) So, my question is: How do I get a nice little clerical full time job with insurance in light of my career history?

"Trouble is, in applying for clerical, data entry-type positions, "pharmacist" is still on my resume and interviewers cannot understand why I would accept a position that pays so much less."

As you can imagine you are not the only person who has run into this line of questioning when looking to extend beyond their existing careers. The sad truth is that you might have to knock on a few more doors that others chasing the same jobs. The good news is that there are certainly employers out there who will recognize the opportunity to get someone with your skills and qualifications and jump at the chance to hire you.

Good luck. We're sure you'll do well.

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I had been a banker for 26 years and reached a mid-management,vice president level. I had survived one takeover, a merger, a receivership, down-sizing, right-sizing, etc. Work and morale had been on a downward slide for the past two years as the bank became more and more bottom line driven. As our stock price went up, overall morale went down. I knew in January 2007 that I was unhappy enough to start thinking about other career opportunities. With that in mind, I sat down and went over my finances in detail and determined how long I could survive without working and what opportunities I wanted to pursue. When my "back up" plan was outlined, it removed a great deal of pressure. As work and morale continued to deteriorate, and my boss and I went head to head in September 2007, I knew that I was turning in a resignation that day. As I verbally gave my resignation and walked back to my office, I could literally feel layers of pressure being removed from my shoulders. By the time I got back to my office, I knew that it was the right decision. I was re-employed within about 3 months, a different industry, but basically the same type of work. I'm not so sure if I'm happy here, but I am willing to give it a one year commitment and 110% effort. Oh and by the way, I'm developing another back up plan. I'm 48, divorced and the sole income earner in my household for 13 years. It can work out. The back up plan helps to take some of the pain and worry out of the process...then you only have to deal with fear and doubt. But that's manageable and just part of the life process.

Terese

Terese:

You are absolutely correct in the importance of having a backup plan. I've done the same thing over the years and actually quite enjoy the process. Not only does it give more peace of mind but I find pleasure in the process of exploring new and alternate careers.

LifeTwo.com started in part as a backup plan. Many years ago I thought about the possibility of this type of company and started meeting people who I thought might want to be involved. Years later circumstances led to the opportunity to stop planning and actually launch it. Because we had already put all of the time in, we knew exactly what to do and what we were getting into.

I never considered the process that we went through to be "work". It was productive, enjoyable and in the end quite beneficial.

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Wesley,

I think that it's interesting how opportunities sneak up on you. With regards to your comments about how LifeTwo came about and the process involved, I can certainly see how it must have been very enjoyable. The end result, by the way, is excellent. I'm not quite sure how I stumbled upon the website, but immediately bookmarked it after browsing through the various topics.

Terese (sorry, I forgot to sign in!)

Appreciate the nice words and glad to have you as part of the community.

Hi Wesley,

My midlife career change came when I was earning more than I had ever done before. The problem was, I was very disillusioned about work and some of the people I had to work with. My role became ambiguous, the company became ambiguous and my reason for getting up in the morning was becoming lost.

My wife and I chose to 'get away from it all' having both got fed up with the commercial hussle and bussle of suburban living and so headed off to live by the sea and set up a new life for our family.

We started a business that was focused around our own creativity and selling within the local tourist industry. A year and a half into this I discovered my wife was having an affair so once the bomb had been dropped I found myself trying to manage three children and trying to work out how to get our business to work with just one person.

I spent a lot of time working through my midlife crisis then and dealing with what had happend in parallel to children and trying to work out how was I going to make money from now on. What was it I really wanted to do with my life?

Within a few years I got qualified as a counsellor and also started writing and producing music again and started to sell music online with a bunch of other independent artists. I had always loved music and had lost out big time in my twenties when I had not the courage to follow through with a band who later went on to be successful. So part of me wanted to 'right that wrong' now I was older and had the confidence I didn't have when I was younger.

So today, I enjoy my music production and my little online shop. It doesn't make much money right now but I hope it will bring me a part of a modest income sometime in the next year.

I also bog and help people with personal issues through counselling which has been great and very rewarding too. I have a number of other projects starting up that also fulfil me in other ways (such as creating free online games) and although a modest income is still waiting for me out there someday, its not about obtaining the biggest salary anymore, its about personal fulfillment whic I may have missed again, had I not had the time to reconsider my life's objectives when I broke up with my wife.

All the best to you.

Guy My Thoughs on midlife crisis, depression, infidelity, divorce and self-esteem. Relaxation Music Mp3 Downloads

Hi Im inspired by your site.

I have been a General manager for a muli million pound business for 20 years (im 44) I have now reached a point where I am sick of the industry I work in and it is affecting my health and my smile!

Dont get me wrong I am successfully reaching the targets that I am given etc, however I am a people person and consider myself to be warm and encouraging I can pat myself on the back for helping a mulitide of people reach their potential when they thought they could not do something, but now it seems as if people are just functioning.I can see young people coming through with high potential but lack sparkle .I know that might sound strange but you older guys will now what im saying.

I am now looking at changing my career and if I had a magic wand would love to work in councelling

(after maybe taking time out to support some wildlife project,gosh I forgot what it was like to just to be me so anyone need help let me know !)

I just dont know where to start I could do with your help guys !! Ive recently divorced )he felt he didnt see enough of me yet I was major bread winner) so my backup plan is pretty sparce as with all divorces.

So anyone up for a challenge and point me in the right direction?

good luck to you all your stories are very uplifting and well done to you all.

"So anyone up for a challenge and point me in the right direction?"

First off, do everything you can to find something you will love doing for the next 10-20 years. There are a number of good books to help you, I like "One Person Multiple Careers".

Also, please keep sharing, your stories help others.

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I am 43 years old and I have worked for General Motors for 11 years. I have a associates in accounting and a B.S. in Health Administration. They recently offered a buyout and yesterday I signed papers. I was excited about that decision yesterday but today I am scared. My family thinks I crazy because of the economy right now. My husband supports my decision we have no kids and we live in Michigan we are going to move out of the state and start over. Because I spent 11 years building cars I don't know how to transtion back to lets say a office administrator somewhere since that is what I like to do mamange things. If someone is listening please talk to me I really need some advice.

I can imagine why you alternate between being excited and being scared. You asked for advice and I'll give you two sources that have helped me and several friends (not to mention many people here). First off is to network, network, network. Odds are that whatever new job/career you find will have been the result of someone in your extended network helping you get that job and/or recommending you to the person who does hire you. Problem is you don't know which friend/contact that is and it often is someone you infrequently speak to. This book is on how to build and leverage your own personal network and I found it to be an easy, enjoyable read.

But what if you have no idea what to do? I probably don't have to tell you to "think of all of the things you like to do, are good at, etc." as you've probably been doing that night and day since getting the offer from GM. An interesting slant on this process is proposed by Marci Alboher in her book on "slash" careers. Even if the examples aren't for you it shows the importance of finding work that is engaging for who you are.

Good luck. I'm sure there will be ups & downs but the fact you have support from your family (even if they think you are crazy) means you should get through this fine. I bet you look back on the offer from GM as one of the greatest things that could have happened to you.

By the way, you might enjoy this recent LifeTwo article that referenced both of these books and more.

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I know how you are feeling. I worked for a major pharmaceutical company for 20 years before being given a generous package. I went out right away and started a consulting company which essentially did what I did at the corporation but for client companies.

From year 1, the business was profitable but I still felt lost. I took a retail sales job selling cell plans for a major wireless company. I love interacting with people and I love gadgets. I really enjoyed my time. Eventually, I got bored and wanted to get back into the game but with a different business model.

The whole point of my comment is that sometimes a step back has to be taken to realize what you find fullfilling.

Mark Parbus mparbus@Unlocked-Potential.com www.Unlocked-Potential.com http://thoughts.babyboomerjourney.com/

By choice and not an easy job, I was a homemakeer/fulltime mom to 4 beautiful and intelligent children. After the youngest left for college, I used my degree and went to work for as a professional, and loved my job. After 6 years of working outside the home, my husbands work transferred. We left our children and grandchildren behind, and my job. When we were moving, my husband said that he did not want me working. Since our move, I have been traveling with him in his job and while he works I am sitting around waiting sometimes as many as 12 hours a day. Now, this year the out of town travel has been reduced due to budget cuts at my husband place of employment, so I am home to make a fresh start for myself. I am in my 50's and it should be a time of slowing down and enjoy doing some things for myself, but frankly nothing appeals to me right now. I have some anxiety now about setting down roots where I am. I have organized my house until I cannot organize one more thing in effort to make this feel like home for me. I was exercising profusely, but due to some major inner ear problems my doctor has asked me to stop because the exercise causes my head to swim resulting in vomiting. I have shopped until I don't need one more thing unless I break something and need to replace it. I go to Barnes and Noble and read to get out of the house. Some say do volunteer work, but nothing seems appealing to me. Because I have so much time on my hands that I reflect back over my life too much and worry. I entertain in my home, and these people come when they are invited to dinner, but the people that I entertain have other committments. I come from a family of 14 children so I am accustomed to the large family interactions. Frankly, I feel too tired to do anything for myself, and I feel alone because my husband works 60-70 hours a week as an executive, and my children reside in other states. Any suggestions?

Are there any pursuits you think about, but tell yourself you just can't do? Were there any things you used to love when you were age ten and under, that you let go of doing?

I'd like to hear this. I'm a homemaker wondering what to do with the kids getting older. I work at a plant nursery but I always used to want to do art.

Yes. Before moving, I sang in a local gospel group as the lead singer. I was reared in a musically talented family. I have a strong voice. I often think of ways to be involved musically somewhere, but I do not know where to start. I looked at some various local groups that are seeking vocalists but the fees and travel expenses now that I no longer work are too costly for me. There was invitation in the local newspaper for people to join a group and I went to the meetings and actually sang with them for one performance, but the performances are in the winter and we sang outside in 5 degree weather. Plus, the group was in their 80's, and I love seniors but I was looking for a little more common ground socially.

This would be a hard suggestion for me if someone gave it to me, because I don't follow organized religion. However, I can think of at least one church where people take turns singing solo or in small ensembles. It happens to be a creative living church.

I just found out, for myself, that some things I do, I get my cue from because they ease my inner pain. I'll do anything positive and constructive based on that alone!

thanks for the insight.

Hi!! I am a teacher - have been for 12 years or maybe longer if you include tutoring! I LOVE to be mentally stimulated, in charge of my work and projects, a leader in the workplace. Teaching seems perfect, right? Not! I don't agree with the philosophy and the direction our education system is taking, I resent being held responsible for things I CAN'T be responsible for (like kids doing their homework, kids learning morals, and parents caring about their kids' education) and the politics are draining my creativity and happiness! I don't feel inspired anymore, and am seriously considering finding something else. I think I need a coach or something. While I feel I have many skills suitable to many jobs, I have no idea how to go about getting them! I feel like if I don't have a degree specific to a career then there's no way to get in! And I don't know how willing I am to go back to school to earn yet ANOTHER degree! Is there hope for me??

Teachers every where are feeling what you are feeling. My family is full of teachers, and your job is so very important. As you well know, the homes in America are hurting so very badly, and the kids are taking it out of the teachers. Parenting is not for sissy's and we are allowing the television and video games to raise our children. I am so thankful that we are seeing a new generation of parents who are taking their parenting seriously. May God Be With You.

"Because I have so much time on my hands that I reflect back over my life too much and worry."

Check out Marci Alboher's book--reviewed in LifeTwo (just search Alboher). You might find some things in their that help. Her basic premise is to find the intersection of personal interests and vocations.

Good luck

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It's not really my story to tell, but I'm going to anyway :D

After my XW walked out on me due to her MCL, her and her new man had this grand plan for a midlife career change. They moved to Florida in order to open up a sex toy store right on the beach. That sound like midlife crisis dream job?

Well, six months later, Mr. Moneybags the OM is broke, the store is out of business and they are living off my X's part time job and loans from her parents.

Win some, ya lose some.

Just wanna give a shout out to Miz Griz... who kept me sane during the divorce part of my X's MLC.

Thanks again, Griz.

K.C.

" They moved to Florida in order to open up a sex toy store right on the beach"

I think it is safe to say I have never every heard that before. Yikes.

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I am sorry that I only reached this page and saw this now, but if you have not sorted things out, please holler and let's talk, here or elsewhere. I curious to know how you fared. www.sapiencecoaching.com

I really missed a lot. I would like to be communicating with both of you 1. the teacher who no longer wants to teach and 2. the grandmother who is sitting around for hours waiting on her husband who is busy and far away from her children. I hope for your sakes that you have resolved your concerns, but I doubt it. Why don't you reach out again, if you are still puzzled and unhappy about your situation. This is Coach Hyacinth www.sapiencecoaching.com