LifeTwo's Interview With Sara Davidson, Who Explores Late-Midlife's "Narrows" In Her New Book "Leap!"

Writer Sara Davidson life was falling apart and she didn't know what to do.

"For the first time since college, I have no work. After 24 years and several award nominations, I can't get hired to write for television. I can't sell articles to magazines or books to publishers and I don't know how I'll earn money. ... During this same period, my lover of seven years, a cowboy artist I'd expected to spend the rest of my days with, rides off with no discussion. My children, who've occupied my first thoughts on waking and my last before falling asleep, are off at college. ... My kids, my lover, and my livelihood are being yanked from me at once and there's nothing I can do."

Why, she wondered, was she still here?

Davidson poked at the question, and she found was that she was not the only person in late middle age to feel that their identity was being stripped away. She realized that this turning point didn't have a name -- so she called it "the Narrows" and resolved to investigate it and what happens after. "How do we move ahead with grace and purpose," she asks, "take risks, laugh and love without condition, be provocative, and gain some serenity and understanding about what our time -- and our cohort's -- has meant?"

Those aren't narrow questions, and Davidson's new book Leap! What Will We Do With the Rest of Our Lives is a wide ranging exploration of possible paths one could take, including several spiritual traditions, new forms of housing, sex, and understanding ones self.

Davidson's Loose Change is one of the essential chronicles of the 1960's, so it's no surprise that as the Baby Boom generation passes through the Narrows, she's there asking questions, with figurative notepad in hand. She graciously agreed to share with us what she found.

Leap! goes on sale Tuesday, February 20.

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Sara Davidson (Image (c) Valari Jack, courtesy Random House)

Lifetwo: In a classic midlife crisis one ponders their own mortality and asks "is this all there is?" How is "the Narrows," which one might experience twenty years later, different?

Sara Davidson: In the Narrows, you may feel your identity is being stripped away, all the strategies you've used successfully in the past aren't working now, and you have to shift gears. As in any life crisis or transition, that can come at any age, you question: who am i underneath the roles I've played, what will make me feel most alive, that my being here has mattered?

Does everyone go through the Narrows? If not, what distinguishes those who do from those that don't?

I found that everyone must go through the Narrows, no matter how much wealth or achievement you've attained or not attained. Some do it in their 40s, some don't do it till their 80s, but if you don't do it voluntarily, the world or your body will force you to.

You write that a person goes through the Narrows according to their character .... what are some ways you saw this happen?

I went kicking and screaming, feeling sorry for myself. A friend who's a comedy writer went through it with hilarious exaggeration, telling her life story to everyone, "even the checkout guy at the market." People who are optimists see it as an "opportunity." Pessimists feel there's no hope.

Are the Boomers the first generation to focus on a later-life quest for meaning and fulfillment?

No, certainly not. What's different is that never before have so many people reached this age in such great shape, still enjoying vibrant health and a desire to contribute and create.

Do you think future generations will also go through the Narrows?

As we keep adding years, and then decades, to our life span, there will be new phases of life, and new transitions.

This period, when so many things can be stripped away, seems to surprise many people. If you had it to do over again, are there things you would have done to prepare yourself for it?

It's hard to prepare for, but knowing that this transition exists would have been helpful. The responses I've received from people who've read Leap! have a theme: "Thank God someone's put a name to what I'm going through." Just knowing that you're not alone, that it's normal, can be comforting and inspiring.

I was intrigued by your comment that, in seeking spiritual answers, you can "go deep" or you can "go wide." Did the people you talked to who "went deep" find something different than you did?

Not necessarily. It's not the specific path they took or tradition they followed that makes the difference, it's their commitment to that path, to opening oneself, to becoming more conscious, accepting, and loving, every minute of every day.

Did you find that more-formal processes like Reb Zelman's "life review," or coaching, were helpful in finding the direction of your life -- or not?

I did many things, talked to more than 200 people, and learned something from each interview, each practice, each counseling or coaching. It was the cumulative effect of this inquiry that allowed me to move from feeling lost and beaten to feeling curious and eager to see what unfolds.

You resolved to follow a theme in your life that was already there -- "to study and create." Did you find people who instead sought to radically transform the rest of their lives -- to go in a new direction? Did that work for them?

Yes, some people went in a radical new direction. In Leap! I wrote about Marcia Seligson, a magazine and book writer who didn't like her work and spent ten years floundering, trying to find work that would enliven her. She founded, at age 57, a musical repertory theater in L.A. that's become the most successful theater company in L.A.

How do you think the things you learned will affect your life twenty years from now?

I hope to continue learning and growing, expanding my capacity for love, and practicing surrender-- accepting what is.

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Leap! was recently excerpted in Newsweek -- click on this link.