Should you tell your kids about your midlife crisis?

I was reading this article how to become a better dad on the Men's Health Magazine Blog recently. It had some good points.

It got me thinking about the time it was really hard to be a great dad when in the midst of a midlife crisis. I can easily recall the main focus on my attention was on my being lost. I was feeling in a rut at work, lifeless at home and just kind of wandering through my day.

I didn't neglect my kids. I was doing all the right things. But was I really focused on them enough? No way. You know how you can multi-task as a parent? You can wash dishes, help with homework and be thinking about the memo that has to get out the next morning all at the same time. But what is really happening? Are you really there? And don't the kids know it? Can't they sense when you are not really listening or truly present?

I think that is amplified a zillion times when a parent is struggling with a midlife crisis. Sometimes even the ability to focus on one thing seems to take energy.

I decided to actually share what I was going through with my kids. They were in their early teens. I think it really helped because they understood that my being off was not about them. And that relieved pressure on me to pretend that all was well when it wasn't.

The decision to tell them had an unexpected pay off a couple of years later when I was approached by one of my children who was struggling with the "meaning of life" kind of issues. We had amazing discussions that came from a common experience that really bonded us. That continues to this day. Amazing.

I know what and how much you share needs to be age-appropriate, but I bet we can share enough to make a difference for almost any age.

In my case, I liked that I didn't have to put on a false face (and it doesn't work anyway). I also didn't moan and ooze my woes all over them. But there was no dead elephant in the room.

Whatever you decide to do about sharing your struggle, make sure you remember your kids.

Regardless of your feelings of being lost right now, you are still a hero and the most important person in the universe to your children. You might be impaired, like having a broken leg, but be there as best you can. Spending some focused time on your kids is vital to them and it actually helps get some solid ground under you. It always helps me remember who I am. It is an important mirror.