Middle Age Divorce -- and what happens next -- in Deidre Bair's Book "Calling It Quits"

"Gray Divorce" (divorce over 50) is surging (details here).

We read about those couples who remain together until literally "death us do part," and we are bombarded about stories about couples splitting up within the first years of marriage. But we rarely read about later life divorces among middle aged couples of long-standing unions. Despite this type of divorce being a growing trend, it is a much less discussed topic.

According one review, "Calling It Quits" might be best used by those individuals going through a late-life divorce since the book covers numerous stories that readers will be able to relate with. But with this misses the point since it is highly relevant to those not going through divorce but trying to figure out exactly what to do with their marriage and lives.

After nearly 400 interviews, Bair credits the late-life divorce trend with the fact that people are living longer and have more disposable income. This allows them to make changes that they believe will make their later years more satisfying--such as changing partners. When the men leave, Bair surprisingly finds the almost cliched story of the husband leaving for a "trophy wife." But about 2/3rd's of the time it is the woman who makes the first move desiring more freedom than their current union provides.

The reasons for breakups vary but the surprising culprit is often "plain old" unhappiness, poor communication, and loneliness. Another reason is that once the kids have grown up many couples stop postponing the inevitable.

What do suddenly-single middle age people do? Some remain single, some remarry rather quickly of which some end up divorcing again. All of these are covered in sometimes-wrenching stories.

Bair's book indicates that most people are happier after divorcing (though there are studies indicating the opposite showing how subjective and difficult-to-measure human emotions really are).