Do you have support in your midlife crisis?

I believe many people who struggle in a midlife crisis feel they are alone. This is a tough passage in life to navigate by yourself. In addition to actually helping us, our communities of support also reflect back to us who were are for them. When we get isolated, we often lose the ability to remember who we are. Our family, friends and communities are our mirrors to what is best and most important in us.

Claudette Rowley wrote the following in a recent article at www.trans4mind.com:

What constitutes a support system? It's a collection of friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances who show a keen interest in listening, discussing and guiding - without judgment. "Without judgment" is key. You can't support and judge at the same time. It's not possible; if someone tells you it is, run the other way - fast!

What stops us from building a strong and vibrant network? Perhaps we want to show the world that we're strong and invincible. After all, we think, wouldn't asking for even occasional assistance give the perception that we're vulnerable? We fear these consequences - whether they're real or imagined. And this hurts us - personally and professionally. Yet cultivating a healthy support network nets many benefits:

• You feel better on all levels - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
• Your productivity increases. Look at any successful person and you'll see an individual surrounded by an active support network of friends and advisors.
• Your health improves. When we rely on a support system, our stress decreases and we rely less on other props, including food, alcohol or overwork.
• Your life feels richer and fuller.

As you form more connections, you recognize that each one, whether they're acquaintances, colleagues or intimate friends - serves a distinct and meaningful purpose in your life.

Sound impossible? It's not. Start by thinking through the following questions and you'll have a good sense of how to build a network that fits your lifestyle:

• What does support look like to you? How do you feel when you're being supported?
• What's working in your current support system? What's missing?
• What "rules" do you make up about asking for help? For example, I recognized a rule that it was only okay to hire a babysitter for my son when I needed coverage for work - rather than for fun or self-care.
• What does your ideal support network look like? How many people? What environments? How would you ideally communicate and interact with your friends, family or colleagues?
• If you could order the perfect support system, what would change? How would you benefit? Get clear - write it down and post the description in a prominent spot.

If you are struggling, take a look at what support you have. If you are alone, this is a good place to take action. Start building your community of support. If you have friends and community, nourish it. Tend it like a gardener nourishes her plants. Get back into contact and re-energize friendships. Do volunteer work in your community. Along with a map and compass, this is one of the crtical things you need to navigate your midlife passage.