It's not you, it's him! The "Irritable Male Syndrome"

A few weeks ago we wrote about Japan's Retired Husband Syndrome (RHS). Today, I came across a two-year old book addressing a somewhat similar situation in the United States called "The Irritable Male Syndrome" by Jed Diamond. As with all syndromes with catchy titles, there needs to be a book about it and this is no exception (see below).

The most interesting aspect of the concept is that the anger, depression, and the changing emotional realities of midlife men is primarily caused by fluctuating male hormones as well as these other triggers: stress, biochemical imbalances, and loss of masculine identity.

It is a real affliction or is it just another sign of the over-pathologizing of America? Your answer might depend on whether or not you know a normally loving husband, father, or son who suddenly became irritable, angry, and withdrawn. The Amazon.com reviews indicated that many women do and reading the book provided a certain amount of relief that it wasn't something that they were doing wrong.

A few tips from Diamond:

1. If you think you are experiencing IMS, talk it over with your partner or someone you trust.

2. If others are telling you that you may be experiencing IMS, listen with an open mind. Often others can see things about us that we can't see ourselves.

3. Have your testosterone levels checked, since this is often the cause of IMS.

4. Take a look at the level of stress in your life. See what you can change to make your life more peaceful.

5. Find things beyond work and family that help you feel good about yourself. Do the things you never thought you had time to do, such as learning a foreign language, traveling or painting.

6. Talk to other men, and consider joining a men's group. Being a "Big Brother" or finding other ways to mentor young men can be also quite helpful.

7. If you think you may be depressed, talk to a health-care professional.

8. Don't wait until the problem gets worse to do something. Act now.

9. If your "acting out" is becoming verbally or physically abusive or your "acting in" is causing you to feel hopeless or depressed, seek professional help.