LifeTwo's Exclusive Interview with the authors of "50 Ways to Leave Your 40s"

LifeTwo is pleased to bring you an exclusive interview with Sheila Key and Peggy Spencer MD, the authors of the to-be-released book "50 Ways to Leave Your 40s". Sheila is the primary author and Peggy is the book's medical expert.

"50 Ways To Leave Your 40s" is an in-progress book the midlife experience of turning 50 in "all its mundane, joyful, painful, funny, unexpected, gratifying, [insert your own list of adjectives here] manifestations." The book is written with mixture of humor and self-help. See LifeTwo's previously postings on their project here and here.

LifeTwo: "What is special about the age of 50? Why not 40 or 60?"

Sheila Key:

Oh, 40 and 60 are special, too. Every “Big-Oh” birthday is a major milestone. But, given our book’s title, 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s – which most folks (at least, those of a certain age) will recognize as a twist on the title of Paul Simon’s mid-70s pop tune, “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” – pretty much required that age 50 be the focus. Fifty is the operative number and, well, “50 Ways to Leave Your 30s” or “50 Ways to Leave Your 50s” just wouldn’t have had the same ring to it.

All that said, I think there is something extra special about age 50. Have you heard this one? “Fifty is the old age of youth and the youth of old age.” Good line – and it points to what may be most significant about 50. I myself happened to be 40 when this book idea came to me, and as I started telling my 40something friends about it, many of them said, “How can you be writing a book about midlife? You’re not there yet!” Others responded this way: “Midlife? When is that, exactly?” Right. When is midlife exactly? Not everyone feels it by 40. But by 50, if you’re still not feeling it? Well, let me suggest another clever turn of phrase: Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

LifeTwo: "Is there a difference between what men and women experience when they turn 50?"

That’s a good question, and I wish I had the answer. As you know, my co-author, Dr. Peggy Spencer, and I have put out a call for people to tell us their midlife stories, for possible inclusion in the book, because our aim is to speak to our audience in terms that are as universal as possible. We’ve extended the deadline to Sept. 30. (Email me at sheilakey@newmexico.com and/or visit www.50waystoleaveyour40s.blogspot.com for more info.) While we’ve heard from a few men, we’ve heard from many more women. Still, in the lingo of statisticians, our “study sample” is far too small to allow us to draw any valid generalities that would hold up over the entire midlife population.

But – gosh! – that won’t stop us from trying. Take it away, Peg!

Peggy Spencer:

OK, Peg here. I would say, in general, yes, there is a difference between what men and women experience when they turn 50. Just like there is a difference between what men and women experience at any time of life. We’re practically different species, or at least so it seems at times. One key factor for women in midlife is that this is the time of menopause, which changes us from fertile women into no-longer-fertile women. This is a major life-phase change, and a transition that can be difficult for some women.

For men, midlife has its physical changes as well, but none are so obvious as menopause. Men may be more likely to experience crises related to work, to raise their head from the grindstone, take stock, and not be sure they like what they see.

In the book, we focus on the positive aspects of aging, but we cannot deny the emphasis our American culture places on youth. Young is better, this thinking goes, but if you have to be old, then, in the common cultural vernacular, it’s better to be a man than a woman. You’ve doubtless heard someone say that gray hair in a man is sexy, but you rarely hear that about a gray-haired woman.

These are only a few, and very general, observations. You’ll have to buy the book to read more!

LifeTwo: "You describe “50 Ways to Leave Your 40s” as something of a crossover between humor and self-help. Please tell us about the help that readers will get from the book."

Sheila Key:

Given the title, which almost always meets with a laugh, it made sense to make this a humor book. Besides which, humor happens to be my default position. But, from the get-go, I also wanted the book to have soul. I mean, I love Dave Barry as much as the next guy, but I didn’t think the world needed another book full of gags about aging. I’d rather put the emphasis on uplift.

That description of the book, on the 50 Ways website (www.50waystoleaveyour40s.blogspot.com) , as “something of a crossover between humor and self-help” came from the first literary agent (a friend of a friend) I consulted about the project. Her advice was to choose one or the other – to make it either a humor book or a self-help book – because, as she put it, “that’s the way the publishing world works.” Another agent, speaking as part of a panel of experts at a writing conference, seemed to bear her out when she said, “If you try to make your book straddle two categories, that’s the kiss of death, because booksellers won’t know where to shelve it.”
Well, call me a fool or even a kisser of death, but I really believe it’s possible to convey helpful information and be funny while doing it. So I persevered and was delighted to find, in New World Library, a publisher that agrees with me. NWL plans to market “50/40” as a gift/personal-growth book, and, to that end, my contract (now “our contract,” since I brought Peg into the project a few months ago) calls for “50 humorous and encouraging short essays about holistic health and happiness at midlife, buttressed by solid advice from subject-matter experts, presented in a reader-friendly and bite-size format.”

But, for heaven’s sake, let me answer your question: What kind of help can readers expect from 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s?

The 50 chapters, or “Ways,” are divided into four sections – Body, Mind, Soul and Heart – though there is necessarily plenty of crossover of material. My essays, while humorous, offer help simply by sharing authentic lived experience, my own as well as that of contributors – the “universal human condition” and all that. Each of Peg’s “Doc in the Box” sidebars discusses a serious health issue related to its chapter’s “Way” (a few examples: cosmetic surgery in Way #2: Love Thy Body as Thyself, metabolism in Way #4: Get Your Motor Runnin’, and menopause in Way #7: Pause.) My “Dahn Journal” column gives “how-to” information about Dahnhak, a holistic system of wellness originating in Korea and still fairly new to the U.S. (and which, P.S., is transforming my life as we speak!). In addition to these three main pieces, each chapter includes a pop quiz (in most cases, “pop” as in pop culture), writing prompts for deeper personal exploration of each “Way,” and a variety of marginalia: quotations, statistics, bulleted lists, whatever fits.

This chunky little book, with its fragmented structure, will be a quick read, easy to pick up and put down, or to open to any page and read – more help for a nation of would-be book-lovers often too busy to read. Our aim, Peg’s and mine, is to get it into every bathroom in North America – at least until it gets translated into 27 languages. After that, watch out world!

LifeTwo: "Do you feel other books take this topic too seriously?"

Sheila Key:

The God’s honest truth is I haven’t read other books about midlife. I mean, I did my market research and all that, in order to write a book proposal to land a publisher, but I did it without truly reading what’s out there. Instead, I did a lot of searches on words like “midlife,” “middle age,” “age 50” and such on amazon.com. From that, I can tell you there are LOTS of books about midlife. But then, we are the Baby Boom! How could our generation not have written tons of books on a subject so pervasive and life-altering? And since there are so many midlife books – literally hundreds of them – it’s no surprise really that you can find plenty that take the subject seriously and plenty of others that don’t take it seriously at all. What Peg and I are hoping is that, by being simultaneously humorous and soulful, and by peppering our pages with lots of informative tidbits and pop-cultural references, we’ll find our niche – yes, a nice, big, wide, cushy, comfortable niche where we can stretch our legs and retire in comfort!

LifeTwo: "You talk about the need to schedule the things you want to make fit in your life, not just from week to week, but before you die. Can you elaborate?"

Sheila Key:

Oh! This is exactly the sort of thing you brought up in the “bonus round” question you sent me:

One tool that people use in addressing midlife issues is to make a list of the 100 things they want to do before they die. Whether or not you have a list, if you did, what would be some of the more unique things on your personal list?

I am embarrassed to admit that I do not have a list, as such. I should, I know! Nevertheless, I’ve experienced firsthand the “magic” at the heart of Henriette Klauser’s book, Write It Down, Make It Happen, having conjured it many times to effect desired changes in my life. In the course of writing Way #18: Book ‘Em Danno, the chapter in which I draw upon Ms. Klauser’s book, I suddenly struck upon one such “to-do” I’d like to make happen in my life, and so I have at least started my list of 100 Things to Do Before I Die, as follows: Celebrate my 50th birthday in Hawaii, the 50th state in the U.S. (Did you know, by the way, that the fact that Hawaii is the 50th state is the very reason McGarrett’s and Danno’s elite state-police unit was called Hawaii Five-O? This despite the other fact that Hawaii does not – and never did – have a state police force, let alone an elite unit called Five-O. Oh, but now I’m giving away some of our Pop Quiz answers.)

End of Part I of LifeTwo's interview with Sheila Key and Peggy Spencer MD, authors of the -soon-to-be-released book "50 Ways to Leave Your 40s". Click here for Part II of the interview.

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Update: The book is now released. Amazon link:

50 Ways to Leave Your 40s: Living It Up in Life's Second Half