What Is A "Midlife Crisis?"

I just turned 50, about 9 months ago a dear friend and staff member of my group at the office has lost his child at the age of 2 years old. I was with this person through out the whole deal from the start of the operations to the day she has past away. I did see this little girl body in the abmbulance and I knew she has passed away, her body in still positions no movements, nothing. How did my crisis start I do not know, was it the death of a child that has made me think or re-thing my life, questioning all the problems I have been having or unresolved issues in my marriage and family. Questioning routines, and what I would like to change in my life. Was the sex routine to much every 3 months only. Why is it so much apart, is this normal the same person always making the same moves or initate the love relations all the time but left disappointed. At this point I do not know where to go or where to turn as it is very confusing for me and now is affecting my wife where she has also been questioning certain elements of our relationship which for me its good. Since this problem we have been making love like we have never done before the passion the love making, just blows our expectations, over 24 years of being together never has this been so great, but its not only the sex thing its more then that, I as a man am drain of making these efforts and have been for the last 5 years, not wanting to make these efforts any more. Yes I have thought of having an out side relationship to fill in the emptyness, but what will it do, will it improve I don't think so but who knows at this point. Right now dealing it day by day trying to look for answers through documents like this one, and being hopefull in finding answers but down the end of this I know I will need and expert to help me out. This is my side of the story of course there is more to it then this but its a begining I would think. thank you for leaving this site open for comments.

My Husband of 11 yrs recently let me know that he has no clue what he wants. He says he is unhappy its not you its me. After I here that I think hes cheating on me. We discussed this and I found out he is not cheating. He just started a new job and I will be starting a new one too. We have to move to another part of NY. But he wants to be separated. Breaks my heart especially when we have three beautiful boys (12, 10 and 2). I love him so much and I know he loves me too. What can I do to help him with this situation? Is it mid-life crisis or something else? Will he come back if we separate? He told me he has 10 things going through his head. Right now he is staying with some mutual friends and he says when hes there he wants to be here then when hes here he wants to be there. What is going on? I am so lost. Can some one help? I don't want to be separated or divorced! I love him to much and he is a wonderful person. HELP!!!!!!!

Lost in Ballston Spa

Hiya and welcome - well firstly it sounds as though he culd be slipping into MLC but MLC is an umbrella term for so many relationship issues - maybe his new job has woken him from his slumber i dont know - what was his previous job/lifestyle? One thing you will learn from these boards is you cant help him you can only help yourself. Will he come back? Only he knows - will it end in divorce? Who knows there are no immediate answers. You said youve discussed "cheating" well even if he is he would not admit this to you as he knows it would hurt you - one thing i have learnt is that people starting with this or going through this do tell "lies" they use deflection and they blame to justify what they are doing - i am not saying this is your situation but be reay for anything - in the meantime concentrate on your wellbeing - i know you dont want to be separaed from teh person you love but alas it happens all too often without logic - just be there, try not to question or corner him as he may react by running further - hopefully it will pan out in your favour but as i say MLC if it is can and does cause chaos - good luck

Regards Stu UK

He constantly comments on how unattractive -how much weight he's gained - his skin when it breaks out - our lack of sex - repeadily i tell him he's the stars moon and sun and how incredibly hot i find him - we don't fool around that often maybe once a week at my initiation but a forty myself i'm ok with that - i am so tired of having to reassure him and defend myself (I'm f***ing anything that comes around) - i'm lonely and defeated having to deal with this nightmare - he tells me he knows he could f*** some of our friends wives and some stranger hit on him then turns when i get home from running errands with our daughter and accuses me of cheating - i'm at my wits end - i love this man too much but all the praise i give doesn't work and i'm tired of the abuse - thinking of going to a doc and getting on meds at this point - please help

I'm a 56 yrs old man who has been retired about 5 yrs. My wife and I sold our home of 22 yrs. and moved to the country about 2 yrs ago to enjoy the rest of our lives. About 6 months ago I started having panic attacks that keep getting worse. I feel the best part of my life is over and I'm just waiting to die. In my mind there is nothing left but disease and death of either me or my wife. I don't sleep very well and my mind just races every waking minute. I often break down over this stress. I started prozac 3 weeks ago, but it doesn't seem to help yet. I can't afford health insurance so I can't talk to a therapist. Due to the economy, we both have found jobs but still no health insurance. I'm afraid if this keeps up my wife will get tired of this and leave me, although she says she will be there for me. Can anyone PLEASE HELP.

You can learn to control them, I did. I may only be 40 but I had a MLC at about 37 after being injured and working a stressful job prior to that for 7 years. I now don't have panic attacks or bad anxiety, slight occasional anxiety yes, but normal. One of the best websites I found through all of my year and a half of suffering was anxietycentre.com yes it's spelled right. If you apply what you learn (cognitive behavior and thinking) through the website you can get comfortable in your mind again. Live for today, not for the unknown. Dr's are going to try SSRI's and Anti Anxiety medications because they don't have time to treat people, and people don't want to do the work.

This is my first time on this site, because I to think my husband is having a mlc. But the difference I noticed about what you put down is....My husband has always been that way, We've been to doctors and such and the one thing they told me over and over again is,,," he doesn't like himself".."He is dealing with security issues" so on and so forth. Its draining I know, but try not giving him the satisfaction of watching you squirm. When he ask you a question of what took you so long, say I don't know, there is the reciept. When he says your looking at the guy across the park, tell ..Oh really I didn't take notice, My point is don't let him know its driving you crazy, he will feed on it. And another thing, keep in mind the one who accuses is the doer.

I think my husband is having a MLC and I really don't know what to do. First of all we live in two different states and don't see eachother too often. Maybe once/twice a month if lucky or go on family trips. He is a military soldier and we have two children ages 13 and 6. He lost his mom about two years ago and before that we had issues with trust because he never lets me use his cell phone and we had problems with him in the internet chatrooms. Now we have been having these added issues with him being hooked on facebook, in the gym, on a health kick, constanly buying clothes to look good, doing dye treatments to his hair, getting mani's and pedi's, not wanting to have sex or into it, taking pictures of himself in the mirror and posting them on facebook and waiting on comments from females, etc. Just to name a few. I think it may be midlife crisis along with maybe cheating and hope to God that is not the case. I think I am losing my mind because we constantly argue and everything is my fault. He gets angry at any and everything and calls me a nag. Okay, what do I do?