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What Is A "Midlife Crisis?"
Over 90% of Americans can provide a definition of "midlife crisis." What do they mean?
Common beliefs about midlife crisis include:
- it can start at about forty years of age
- it is a common feature of middle age
- it affects men more than women
- it is stressful and traumatic
- people going through a midlife crisis feel many of these emotions:
- turmoil,
- despair,
- helplessness,
- distress,
- dread,
- disappointment,
- fear,
- entrapment in 'unwelcome, restrictive roles;'
- boredom or discontent with previously fulfilling activities or parts of their lives.
- There is often an existential "my life has no meaning" or "is this all there is?" element
- It can be triggered by:
- realization of aging / own mortality / physical decline;
- job loss or stalled career,
- unfulfilled dreams,
- questioning your life path,
- marriage trouble or divorce;
- possible outcomes include:
- sudden changes in personal goals or lifestyle;
- "life makeover" with marriage or career tossed out the window
Two quotes perfectly capture this common definition of midlife crisis:
"Life's cycle was seen as a set routine of getting married, having children, rising through the ranks at work, and moving to the suburbs. The crisis occurred when a man quit his job, let his hair grow long, bought a sports car, and headed toward California, often with a youthful companion." - Harvard Gazette
and
"Most younger adults anticipate that between their late thirties and their early fifties a day will come when they suddenly realize that they have squandered their lives and betrayed their dreams. They will collapse into a poorly defined state that used to be called a nervous breakdown. Escape from this black hole will mean either embracing an un-American philosophy of eschatological resignation or starting over - jaded stockbrokers off to help Mother Teresa, phlegmatic spouses off to the StairMaster and the singles scene. In short, they will have a midlife crisis." -- "Midlife Myths," by Winifred Gallagher in The Atlantic, May 1993
Other chapters of LifeTwo's "Twenty Questions About Midlife Crisis" show that many of these beliefs are wrong. For starters, midlife crisis is far less common than people think.
Other parts of "Twenty Questions About Midlife Crisis" will explain why we believe that the popular definition of midlife crisis mistakenly clumps together three or four different but related issues, ranging from depression to a reassessment of one's life.
The popular conception of "midlife crisis" outlined above masks these distinctions. And that's a problem for people wondering how to deal with a midlife crisis, because without properly identifying what's wrong, how can you fix it?
---
Other Sources:
"Turning Points in Adulthood" by Elaine Wethington et al, in the book "How Healthy Are We? A National Study of Well-Being At Midlife." Chapter available online here.
Expecting Stress: Americans and the “Midlife Crisis” by Elaine Wethington in Motivation and Emotion Vol. 24, No. 2, 2000.
Read Similar LifeTwo Stories:
- Does Midlife Crisis Only Happen to Forty-somethings?
- How Many People Have A Midlife Crisis?
- Is Midlife Crisis Triggered By Fear Of Your Own Death?
- More On The Midlife Crisis You May Never Have
- Want to Learn About Midlife Crisis? You've Come to the Right Place.
- The Midlife Crisis Excuse
- The (Not) Inevitable Midlife Crisis
- Are Male and Female Midlife Crises Different?
Find More By Clicking On These Links:
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MLC
I just turned 50, about 9 months ago a dear friend and staff member of my group at the office has lost his child at the age of 2 years old. I was with this person through out the whole deal from the start of the operations to the day she has past away. I did see this little girl body in the abmbulance and I knew she has passed away, her body in still positions no movements, nothing.
How did my crisis start I do not know, was it the death of a child that has made me think or re-thing my life, questioning all the problems I have been having or unresolved issues in my marriage and family. Questioning routines, and what I would like to change in my life. Was the sex routine to much every 3 months only. Why is it so much apart, is this normal the same person always making the same moves or initate the love relations all the time but left disappointed. At this point I do not know where to go or where to turn as it is very confusing for me and now is affecting my wife where she has also been questioning certain elements of our relationship which for me its good. Since this problem we have been making love like we have never done before the passion the love making, just blows our expectations, over 24 years of being together never has this been so great, but its not only the sex thing its more then that, I as a man am drain of making these efforts and have been for the last 5 years, not wanting to make these efforts any more. Yes I have thought of having an out side relationship to fill in the emptyness, but what will it do, will it improve I don't think so but who knows at this point.
Right now dealing it day by day trying to look for answers through documents like this one, and being hopefull in finding answers but down the end of this I know I will need and expert to help me out. This is my side of the story of course there is more to it then this but its a begining I would think. thank you for leaving this site open for comments.
Wondering if Husband going through mid-life crisis?
My Husband of 11 yrs recently let me know that he has no clue what he wants. He says he is unhappy its not you its me. After I here that I think hes cheating on me. We discussed this and I found out he is not cheating. He just started a new job and I will be starting a new one too. We have to move to another part of NY. But he wants to be separated. Breaks my heart especially when we have three beautiful boys (12, 10 and 2). I love him so much and I know he loves me too. What can I do to help him with this situation? Is it mid-life crisis or something else? Will he come back if we separate? He told me he has 10 things going through his head. Right now he is staying with some mutual friends and he says when hes there he wants to be here then when hes here he wants to be there. What is going on? I am so lost. Can some one help? I don't want to be separated or divorced! I love him to much and he is a wonderful person. HELP!!!!!!!
Lost in Ballston Spa
to above
Hiya and welcome - well firstly it sounds as though he culd be slipping into MLC but MLC is an umbrella term for so many relationship issues - maybe his new job has woken him from his slumber i dont know - what was his previous job/lifestyle? One thing you will learn from these boards is you cant help him you can only help yourself. Will he come back? Only he knows - will it end in divorce? Who knows there are no immediate answers. You said youve discussed "cheating" well even if he is he would not admit this to you as he knows it would hurt you - one thing i have learnt is that people starting with this or going through this do tell "lies" they use deflection and they blame to justify what they are doing - i am not saying this is your situation but be reay for anything - in the meantime concentrate on your wellbeing - i know you dont want to be separaed from teh person you love but alas it happens all too often without logic - just be there, try not to question or corner him as he may react by running further - hopefully it will pan out in your favour but as i say MLC if it is can and does cause chaos - good luck
Regards
Stu UK
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