New discussion topics I'd like to see

We agree that is an interesting and relevant topic and we will look into having a discussion topic on it as well as writing more about it.

We cannot know what an individual is capable of, including ourselves. We cannot know how or when we will find out. We will be surprised still on that day.

Greetings to you all

Three months ago my H left just up and left after we had a fight. To make a long story short, I went through all the classic symptoms, my fault, had to correct my behaviour, went (still) going to therapy, begged, pleaded, acted in irrational ways.. the whole nine yards...and he had all the classic symptoms of a mid-life crisis...At this point and time I can honestly and truthfully say that I am at peace with what has transpired in my life, I hold no anger, bitterness, and most of all I forgive the way my H has chosen to live his life. How you say?? Well, it was not easy..there was a lot of crying, a lot sadness, a lot of self-pity, a lot of anger, a lot of bitterness, a lot of EVERYTHING all meshed together. I have come to the realization that I CANNOT change the way another human being feels, and that most certainly encompasses the way they feel about me. I have come to terms with the fact that I do not want to live the rest of my life feeling ANGER, BITTERNESS, HATE towards my H...and most of all do I want to end my marriage the way I/we started out and that is with LOVE. If you think about it...it really is easy...What will ANGER, BITTERNESS, HATRED accomplish??? it will accomplish NOTHING absolutely NOTHING!!!! other than you feeling horrible by carrying the most awful feelings with you of ANGER, BITTERNESS & HATRED!! The rest of your life will be filled with those God Awful feelings that will not allow you to heal and go with your life. Remember this, YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU!!!...and by doing this, I have taught my H, how I want/need to be treated...and his ANGER, BITTERNESS, HATRED has truly subsided since I have shown him that I no longer harbour those feelings. I wish him the best, I wish him all the happiness...and by doing so....I wish that for myself as well....Whatever is meant to be will be..whatever my path in life is I will take....whether is is with my H or not....the path has now been mapped....and I accept it...this is the key word...ACCEPTANCE....hard to swallow hard to accept...one must ACCEPT what has been thrown their way....easier said than done I know..in time you will hopefully feel the same way I do...It does take a lot to be this person...in the long run...YOU will prevail.....by showing the other person LOVE & COMPASSION....you will prevail.....please find PEACE, LOVE & ACCEPTANCE within yourself before you are able to give it to the one YOU LOVE!!!.....If you truly LOVE someone LET THEM GO...

Mary

Much of my career has been working in an office environment; never saw myself doing anything 'but' that, since I liked the structure of the work day. However, through a series of job changes, I find myself now working remotely for a company, in my own home. I absolutely love the work (first time in my life I can say that), but I do miss the 'social' side of being with other people. Would like to hear from others who may be in similar situations.

"Would like to hear from others who may be in similar [telecommuting] situations."

I've essentially been telecommunting for the past 3 years--which is the amount of time that we've been working on LifeTwo. My partner Greg lives/works about 45 min away and our contributors are spread across the country.

I haven't missed the social side all that much because I fulfill that need by active emailing/texting/chatting with friends and co-workers. Plus by working at home I see far more of my kids than I otherwise would.

I am also an active Masters swimmer so I see a group of friends 3-5 times a week for a swim workout.

My initial problem wasn't social, in fact it was the opposite--so many distractions during the day. I've addressed that my starting my work day very, very early in the morning (about 5 a.m. most days) so I have a few hours before anyone gets up. I also generally put in an hour or two after everyone is in bed. This gives me the time during the day to not only be interupted but to enjoy the visits from my kids while still getting everything done that I felt should be done.

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Can we discuss ways to deal with foot problems, pain, ect. Are there best practices, better shoes that can be purchased or what have others found that works the best for an active Baby Boomer. I don't want to see an end to my travel and active lifestyle . . .

I suffered from Planter Fasciitis flair ups for 20-years and the only way I was able to keep an active lifestyle was to have a very good podiatrist create custom orthotics. Even with those I finally had to have surgery on one of the feet that finally got rid of the problem for good. My podiatrist also was the one to tell me what type of running shoe worked for my biomechanics.

I strongly recommend finding a sports podiatrist to tackle your issue and not let foot pain end your active lifestyle.

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Would like to know statistics about people when they come out of their mid life crisis. I can't find any information on the subject. My ex husband's crisis was severe. I am a victim of husband leaves wife and kids for younger woman at the office after twenty three years of marriage. We rarely disagreed. He never hurt me until 6 days before he left. I was physically assaulted which caused me to go into a deep depression and I had a nervous breakdown. Of course I was blamed for everything. He refused to talk to me about anything. He gave up his entire life for her. The house, our grown children, his beloved lab, most of our possessions, our friends etc. Do these people ever realize they are the one with the problems? Do they stay with these mistresses long term? Do they ever get tired of running, partying, lying etc? How do good people turn so bad? Do they ever turn good again? Do they stay in denial the rest of their lives? Are they truly happy? Do they regret leaving their families emotionally and financially devastated? My ex husband's crisis started after the death of his father. Three years later his mother died suddenly. He became a completely different person. He was withdrawn, non communicative and vague.

My situation is very similar to yours. My ex-husband also had a severe MLC. He left behind a thirty year marriage, home, job and friends to be with an old girlfriend he hadn't seen in thirty two years. Because "It just felt right". He has gone into a complete regression to where his life was when he was around twenty - twenty-five years old. In every aspect.

My husband was also a good person. The man that left last year was not the man that I knew as my husband - I didn't recognize him anymore. Within the space of two month he changed into a very cruel and selfish person.

He has completely alienated himself from his family - probably because he didn't like what they were thinking and he couldn't face it.

I, like you, have been trying to find statistics on how long this lasts, what are they like after, do they ever find themselves again, etc. etc.

I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of him leaving on Tuesday. The what if's drive you crazy sometimes. The only good thing is that are not coming up quite as often. I suppose by the time he comes out of this (If he ever does) I probably won't even care anymore.

Pretty sad after thirty years, isn't it?

My mother says the same thing to me all the time. That it's so sad. I know exactly how you feel. Thirty years is long time. Much longer than my twenty three years. Some people say I will never understand it. I loved my husband with all my heart and couldn't believe he treated me this way. The anger was so extreme. He was regularly lashing out at me and the kids over the slightest thing. In the space of six months, our two girls went off to college. My husband left me for a tramp at work and then our son moved into a rent house with his two first cousins. My family was gone. After he left although I rarely saw him, I listened, I tried to talk to him. I let him be. None of it worked. He too is now alienated from our grown children. No one knows exactly where he is. Friends, family, coworkers and others have told me {what goes around comes around} and (he'll regret it). I have heard those hundreds of times. My ex was forty six when he left. He told me over the telephone six weeks after he walked out that he doesn't love me anymore. That was the most devastating thing I have ever heard. I thought for sure he would snap out of it. It has now been 2 1/2 years. But I still need answers. The more I know the faster I can heal. My father who rarely gives advice said a couple of things to me. (A man never leaves his family) and (he left because of her not because of you). Let me know if you find info. I won't be anon. Texas Girl

She loves telecommuting and has done it for about 10 years. She also misses the "social" side of the office, though her employer sends her things like "Free Pizza Cards" when they have a party at the office that she can't attend. Very thoughtful, that.

I telecommuted briefly for one employer, but they went under, sad to say. I loved it and was much more productive while I was allowed to do that.

"When you're going through Hell, for God's sake, keep going!" (Winston Churchill)