What brought you here to LifeTwo?

Well I work here, that's my excuse. But I'm enormously interested in the subject matter and am interested in what brought others here.

Why Google, of course. Okay, just kidding. Researching midlife transitions and the such.

Glad to be here

thanks for all of the info. a clerk at the Apple store in Santa Monica showed me this site and I like it quite a bit. Thanks!

I'm one of the two authors of <50 Ways to Leave Your 40's>, the book you folks most generously mention in your < July 20 post>. I want to thank you for posting about our book, and encourage you and your readers to come to our blog and tell us your stories!

And we look forward to the release of her new book. So much so in fact that we are going to be interviewing her about it. Check back here.

With the Baby Boomer Bulge upon us, and 12 years into my husband's midlife "crisis", I started a blog called Man-o-pause: Providing Midlife Men a Place to Breathe. I've registered incredible traffic, but interestingly enough, few men feel inclined to comment. Hmmmmm.

I'll include your blog as a resource. Blogging at www.man-o-pause.com

I only date men in the midst of a "crisis". They are so much fun!
Looking for the signals to help create the ultimate dating checklist.

Man-o-pause is a very good blog and I just added it to our editorial RSS reader and will be tracking it regularly.

Hi I am a documentary maker researching a film about mid-life. Would you be able to contact me?
lynn@centuryfilmsltd.com or 0778 2288435. many thanks! lynn

Although I consider myself an educated and experienced person, have a significant other who has told me this over and over again,am seeing a therapist to talk through my issues, after months, if not years of suffering from depression, anxiety, boredom, lack of concentration, lack of any enjoyment in life and generally having my head up my ars that I finally acknowledge I have been going through what is generally considered a midlife crisis. Who knew? Apparently everyone but me. No clue whatsoever. I've had my head so far up my ars that I basically just walked around comatose for the last few years. Why didn't someone grab me and whack me up side the head way back when? I can't believe I bought into all this oh whoa is me for so long. If you love someone who is going through this, do them a big favor and give them a good kick in the ars, the sooner the better. I just wasted what should bave been some of the best years of my life pulling the covers over my head. What the heck was I thinking? I still have to figure out how to get the heck out of this house of mirrors, but at least I know there's a way out now.

Hey Anonymous:

What you wrote applies to me 100%. I'm right there with you and when you figure it out please let me know.

Much like the previous commenter. I'm here because I'm trying to figure it all out. I am not depressed, I am not particularly happy. Just in the middle and unsure where I stand in all things life.

To all:

We are glad that you found us however it is that you did and hope that you find everything that you are looking for. The 2nd half of life really does have the possibility of being the better half.

Married for 19 - two sons - 18 & 15 - Husband went to Sturgis SD in August - met some girl came home for a week and left us a note that he was leaving didn't understand, had to find himself, have a good life, blah, blah, blah.
Thought I had the perfect marriage, trusting, loving, did everything together, everyone wanted to be us. Then I get a typed letter. He's been gone for almost 4 weeks, left on his harley, living in California with the new woman, he knew for 5 days. Wants a divorce. Hasn't loved me supposedly for 2 years, had me fooled, said he loved me everyday. Help,confused!! De from Ohio.

My husband is in a midlife crisis, he seems selfish, and unpredictable, mean, and nasty, not the man Ive been married to for 19 years, i hope him and his new tramp, have a miserable life together. What kind of man have you experienced during their crisis.

Mu husband is in major denial about being in a midlife crisis.We have been married 20 and we have had a happy marriage. He told me in April that he only marriied me because he didn;t want to hurt me and only stayed with me because of the kids. He is gone all the time and has had a major change in his personality. He still lives in our home sleeps in our bed and always kisses me good-bye when he goes anywhere.

Dear Ohio

Believe me the sooner you get off thinking what did i do wrong the better for you. The husband or now ex is in a different state of mind... you can do all you want, get a make over acting sexy, nothing will bring him back if he dosen't want to. Some of the most beautiful women looses the husband during this time.

Some may come back to the relationship but not a high percentage. Now when and if he comes back, also on your side, when all is settled or even before there may be a mis trust and presure added on to him. This could also introduce more negatives and guilt, eventually driving him further instead of closer to you.

What you need to do first is to "Pray for strenght and comfort" during this time from the savior. Then get your self active with different or new activities. You must now treat your self you are beautiful you know that!. Next step... go to the sites that can aford you to meet other single men . I always believe in the goodness of the universe. I know will be painful. The fact that you are here is a good step and shows that you want help. Good for you!!! so go to match.com, date.com, etc all those places where there many who want a relationship, or friendship anything like these could take your mind of this man and make connection with you. Finally make constant contact with God and Savior Jesus. They already know that you are going through. If you give them a place in your heart they will be sure to help and when they help this help is permanent.

Yours truly
Audrey from Trinidad and Tobago

Thanks for your comments, I have been praying alot, for him, and for myself and his sons. I have read everything I can read on midlife crisis, and with my situation. where he is so far away and does not call me to talk, only our sons. It seems like I should just give up. I have filed paperwork for a divorce, I love hime, but I must protect myself, so I don't lose our house, and my sanity. Its hard but I have a lot of supportive friends. Thanks again

been married 27 years, 4 children and 2 grandchildren. Husband had heart attack 18 months ago. Started an affair a year ago. He turned 50 in july. She's 39 married w/2 children. I'm having a hard time. He would never admit to depression. Always told me everything was fine. We were still having sex and he told me he loved regularly. He said he is tired of doing what he's suppose to do and now wants to do what he wants to do. I'm so stupid I still love him and want to be there for him. He's says he's done.

Im in the process of leaving my husband and I was looking up mid-life change, ie: divorce etc. and then I ended up here. I'm glad I did, after reading all the articles, I'm wondering If I'm not a classic mid-life crisis victim. I seem to exhibit many of the signs.

But I'm not changing my mind.....I'm extremely unhappy in my marriage, and mid-life crisis or not, I'm out.

I've been one of the lucky ones - 2 Wives in MLC. ExW went from stay at home mom to biker trash (thus the ex). I met the most wonderful woman in the world - we dated for 1.5 years, got married and she moved in with me and my 3 D's. 2 years later - she went MLC.

Well W's MLC is over and we are back on track - No Affair - so I had it easier then most. But there can be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and yes - it was worth it.

I now help moderate at 4060 - so I look at other sites for their opinions and thoughts that may help others - post from time to time and read.

After I watched the movie Edmond, I felt like sharing it with every middle aged man out there. It's really good!!! You want to talk about a mid-life crisis gone bad. The main character in the movie spends a whole night looking for someone to pay for sex. Commits murder, lies, and finally ends up in jail. I watched it after a friend recommended it while working at UMGD.
check it out:
www.edmondthefilm.com

just had to do something so typed in this . and found your letter, my husband of nearly 34 years seems to hate me . he was such a jealous man when i met him age 15 . our whole life has been on his terms so not to cause him jealously . 1 gave up friends .going out and talking to other men so he wouldnt be hurt. this last couple of years he never asks me to go places with him . instead he goes with his mates car and bike days out . then i find he is taking his mates girlfriends along without telling me . then he wrote a note to me saying he wants to seperate . i admit i threw his clothes on the floor one evening when he came home happy from an auction with mates and thier partners. i so desperate to have time with him and felt it was the last straw he with them laughing and i at home worry as our daughter in labour that day . do you think this is mid life crisis ? there is alot more but this is whats happened lately thanks your time read this. D

Anonymous (Oct 26th):

It's difficult to tell whether or not your husband is experiencing a midlife crisis but we are certain that if you read the articles and stories on this site you will find information useful to your quest. All we ask is that as you learn more about your situation you come back and share stories so as to help others in similar situations. We all wish you best of luck.
com

I agree. Man-a-pause is a blog worth following. So is Life Two (damned tired), but the front page is so busy it's hard to find the Subscribe to Feed button. Just point me in the right direction, please, LT.

Oops, sorry. Meant Man-O-pause, not Man-A-Pause.

The home page feed is:

http://lifetwo.com/blog/feed

If you prefer to drag the RSS button to your feed reader, it's at the bottom of the right hand column of the home page. Each section, topic, or tag also has a feed. For instance, if you click on our tag "midlife crisis" to get to our list of stories on that subject, the RSS feed on that page will contain only new items about midlife crisis.

My husband of 23.5 years is ANGRY at me and everything as far as I can tell. He's like living with Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde. Our kids think he's nuts and placate him all the time. He goes off on anger rants with me over stuff I have no idea what's going on. I think he's caught up in some type of grief over things from the past or obsessed with how things are supposed to be and unhappy with how things are. I have no interst in sex with him because he finds fault even with that! Thinks we should be having sex like we did the first year. Has regressed into saying things like "I work to pay for everything" "you should do what I say becasue I pay for everything" etc. Has never said stuff like this before. Ripped me new one last night because I sent a payment to the IRS. Was angry and wanted to use the money for something....I don't know what. Travels all the time. Says he loves me and wants to be best friends. Makes be feel sick because he's so nasty the rest of the time. I really want to hear from others. I have nobody I can talk to about this stuf.

It's impossible to say exactly what is going on based on a single paragraph description (and it wouldn't be our place to do so anyway) but your husband has a lot of anger at something (and it's quite possible that it's at himself). Middle age can be a very difficult time and trigger a lot of wrenching soul searching. People who are nearby can become punching bags since it's easier to blame someone else for perceived problems than to look inward. The ironic thing is that often their lives are perfectly fine and only a problem when compared to some unrealistic ideal that they have for how live "should" be.

Watch how many times he says "should."

The process of imaginary ideal to accepting reality can be a tough transition. Things like keeping score ("I did this so...", "I'm paying all of the bills so," etc.) can magnify. None of this, however, is an excuse for bad or mean behavior--especially towards you.

You are doing exactly the right thing which is to take a step back and see if you can figure out what the root causes are in your husband's behavior while finding some comfort for you at the same time. One thing for certain, you are not alone.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

Wow, thanks for the response. The whole situation is so sad. It's almost like he's overwhelmed with regret. Two of three of our kids are out of the house and I essentially raised them all because he was always traveling. He often says he says "I want to do things with the kids". The problem is their phase of life is to move away from,not toward, us. Holidays are also a huge problem as he has always romanticized his family of orign. This is a family in which his father traveled extensively, got drunk often when home and was know to slug the kids when drunk. Sometimes I think my late father in law has taken up residence in my husbands body. I never wanted to be married to that drunk. The other issue is that whenever I want to discuss these issues he says I'm yelling at him. This is when I specifically am not raising my voice but am asking hard questions and raising issues he doesn't like to talk about. He typically displays two emotions these days. Angry and lets have sex. Actually not much of the later as I don't know how to do it with someone who berates me for wanting foreplay. Arghh.