I Never Told My Spouse This ...

My husband left in early December and is in denial about having been unfaithful. He constantly lies and it is hard to know the truth as he has been sneaky. This never the case before. We had 24 years of marriage together where we worked well as a team effort. Now he's off on his own quest. It's very difficult to talk with him as he accuses me of "nagging him" and "trying to control him". Also he says I'm too "analytical". Even confronted with what I know, he still denies the truth to me. He doesn't even let me know where he lives (all I know, it's in a bad neighborhood) and wants to have our ADHD son 14 yrs old stay with him. I told him I don't know his whereabouts and what he does; or even the guys which he hangs around with. My husband is 49 years old and is with single-males 25- 35 age range. I know this as we own a business together. This complicates the situation as I must work with him on the weekends and then go home separately knowing he lives else where and is seeing someone else.

Every situation is unique so it's impossible to define a time or give any kind of specifics. Dave Schoof is a life coach that leaves a lot of comments here for both men and women in crisis. One theme I see in his writing is to get professional help. If you husband won't participate then go for yourself. If money is an issue there are usually resources in every town that can provide counseling. Good luck. You're not alone.

Wesley Hein
Wesley [at] lifetwo [dot] com

My husband is having a midlife crisis he is 43. He has suddenly changed, depressed says I'm controling and is having a relationship with another woman. The relationship has never been physical but they are in constant communication. he denies he is being unfaithful to the marriage. I love him with my heart and really want our marriage to work. I believe he does to but is not ready to focus on us while he is going thru this crisis phase. I am trying to be a supportive friend and wife at the same time. I'm losing my strength and energy but daily I continue my hope. I feel him pull in and out of our relationship. Is there anything else I should be doing?
Linda

My husband is also going through a midlife crisis. He moved out in October. We have been married for almost 22 years. We have 2 children, thank god they are older, 21 and 17! My 17 year daughter is graduating this year and all of this has just taken its toll on our family. As your husband, mine is also having alot of communication with another woman, that he says is married and they are just "friends". I asked him if we could get together with her and her husband, but he says he is afraid of her husband getting the wrong idea when I show him my husbands cell phone records. Why is it okay if I know, but not her husband?

He says that this was the missing link in his life that he never got to live on his own and take care of himself! I believe that is selfish, but everything he is doing is selfish! He is also lying about everything and hasnt visited his kids in over a month, when he lives 15 minutes away. That was never like him, he was an excellent Dad and provider. Now he just doesnt care about responsiblities or his family. He works as a DJ for a second income and having that "bar" atmosphere around him, he is constantly on the phone morning, noon and night (all thourghout the night). He says maybe we got marriend too young, I was 20 and he was 19, but I think that is just a crock! He is reliving his youth and fufilling everything that he didnt get to do when he was a young adult because he was marriend to me. All the promises and dreams that were discussed throughout our lifetime, have now come to an end and I will never forgive him for this. He has decided that he wants a divorce without even continuing with counseling or even trying to make it work with me.
I am serving him with papers next, for how can I want someone that doesnt want me. I guess I am headed for a new chapter in my life as well. Hopefully this will be the best for me as I know I am well worth it.
Whoever is facing this horrible life changing event, you will get stronger every day and the pain will get easier to tolerate. Hang in there and be strong for yourselves, as you are the most important to yourself and your families.

Here's to us...the best of the best! The strong ones.