"I love you, but I'm not in love with you"

man your story is just like mine, she would give me sex too but the last 2 months it has felt like rape for me and her. i too believe my wife is not looking for that in a relationship, she wants just to feel loved and wanted for who she is. whats sad is she is only 34 and after a couple of kids has wieght issues which i never said a word about. as well as some depression problems.

before we were married she was a social fiend, she loved just being around everyone as much as possible. we got married and that changed, not because i said nomore she just never wanted it again until recently. after 12 years of marriage she wants to be able to go anywhere she wants for as longs as she wants and nevermind me and the kids.

i pray you and i both beat the odds that are against us, but like you i am discouraged by what i read here.+

be strong and work on your own issues, we can can only change ourselves.

It sounds a bit different than what I'm going through in that we have no kids involved and the only real weight issues with my wife are in her mind. However, it's similar in the fear of aging and need for assurance that they are desirable. In my case, it's so odd because so many people constantly compliment her that I wouldn't believe she could have issues. But such is her outright fear of aging. She openly says she'd rather be dead than get old, not something you want to hear when you always imagined getting old together. But there's also a thing with her where it doesn't matter what I say about her looks, I'm her husband and she thinks I view her differently and would find her attractive no matter what, so it doesn't count. I think you're going through that with your wife and I have no idea how to solve that problem. All I can say is it seems the best way to work with their feelings is to find ways to reconnect as you and her rather than dad and mother. I know the "dates" we've gone on upon the recommendation of a counselor have done some reminding of why we're together in the first place. If it's possible to do that (I know you have kids), it could help satisfy some of her need to get out while being supportive of the two of you as a couple. It's likely that she needs to get away from you and the children because she feels burdened down, but, if she's willing to compromise it could fill both of your needs.

my relationship with this man of now 5 years, recently looked at me and said you know I love you, but I'm not in love with you, our sexual relationship is still exciting, we get along great. I just need help in trying to understand this and it is making me feel worthless.

can anyone help I don't know what to do maybe I'm stuck in over analizing this and jumping to incorrect conclusions. it seems it wold be easier if the sexual relationship was not good or our intimacy in friendship.

confused

Let me try to translate:

He said to you: "You know I LUST for you, but I'm not in love with you, our sexual relationship is still exciting..."

Your feelings of worthlessness are a correct response. You want real love, he wants sex. Once he loses the physical attraction, he'll take his erector set somewhere else to play. Now tell him to take his crane elsewhere, and you'll see if I am right.

I am going thru a similar circumstance she used to have sex with me but now she is very distant. she start an EA with this scum bag a couple months ago just blindsided me after i found out what the deal was she decided that she wanted to get her own place away from me an the kids. well long story short she moved out 2 weeks ago and left me with the kids she says she wants to c them everyday but she sleeps all day becuz she works nites when she do see them its for probally 1 to 2hrs maybe less most times. she spends the time she is with them on the phone or textin (just selfish in her ways rite now) what ever i say to her i get my head bitten off. well askin fo sex now is like shootin myself in the foot. she has put on alot of weight i still tell her she looks good but its like not saying anything cuz she ignores me most times. i dont know what to do im trying to hang in there to let this past and i kno im in for a long trip i would not like. the thing is that she thinks she is in her rite mind and everything is ok and her happiness is all that matters but my kids an I c a different woman she is irritable most time dont, talk much but she is not tellin anyone about her new found happiness. but really i dont kno if her workin at nites which she hates has anything to do with her mlc...