Twenty (Or So) Questions About Midlife Crisis

I have been married to my husband for 14 1/2 years. We have always had a wonderful marriage. 3 weeks ago I found out he was having an affair. I found the proof on my own and confronted him with it. He says she meant nothing and immediately quit talking to her and texting her. He is 36, I am 32 and the other woman was 27. We agreed it would be better if he moved out while we try to work on our marriage.He said he doesn't think he wants a divorce. Says I am the perfect wife and perfect mother. He says he doesn't know why he is unhappy. I know I can forgive him. I love him with all of my heart. After 3 weeks he still says he doesn't know what he wants. We talk but that is about it. I hate juggling my kids back and forth. He takes them every other weekend for a night. We talk everyday. Most of out conversations are always friendly. Last time he came to the house I asked him if I could kiss him and he said yes. I thought of this as progress. I don't want a divorce. I never thought this would happen to us. Could he be having a midlife crisis? I don't understand why this has happened. He never seemed unhappy. Not even his parents ever dreamed he was unhappy. He says it isn't me. Says I am everything he could ever want. How do I put my marriage back together?

Hi,
I was wondering how did your relationship progressed?
I am 37, my husband is 55. We were married for 11 years, together 14 1/2. We had a fantastic marriage, sex life is wonderful, love all around. Early last year I senseed a change in my husband, he became a little withdrawn and started to enjoy spending time on his own. Slowly, I began to suspect that he is either having an affair, or he is close to having one. I asked him and he sai I was crazy and laughed. It turned out that he was having an affair, later on. He says that he loves me but has feelings for this other woman (23). He wants me but still talks to his girlfriend (more like mistress, but I won't split hairs). I suggested to him that perhaps he is going through MLC, after two disastrous years on the personal level where I had a miscarriage, my sister was arrested on a very serious charge, we had countless family members and friends dying or became very ill, you name it, we've had it.
I think by saying that he is going through MLC I was offering him a way out, a serious explanation of him doing something so wrong. If he would've accepted this I would've been very happy indeed. I asked him to try councelling and he's not serious. I worked very hard at our marriage, business, life and I'm heartbroken but somehow still manage to keep afloat. I've lost a stone in weight, and stand now at 47 kg, at my 5ft 9". I love him so much but I now think I've offered him enough chances. He still wants to make love to me, says that I'm his best friend and is so sweet as if nothing ever happened. But how can I ignore the past and go on this way when I know he still calls his girlfriend, and won't give her up? Even a telephone relationship is still a relationship and I consider it infidelity on a emotional level (my husband says he isn't having sex with her).
Mid life crisis, who knows? If it's true, why can't they invent some drugs to temper it? It distrys so many marriages and I'm not suure if it hasn't destryed mine...

"Mid life crisis, who knows? If it's true, why can't they invent some drugs to temper it?"

There are many things that can be done but they only work if the affected person wants them to work. Your husband won't even put his heart into counseling or call off his relationship with his girlfriend so what makes you think he'd take a pill if they had one.

Very sorry to hear about your situation. I hope it turns around. In the meantime make sure to take care of yourself.

Wesley Hein
Wesley [at] lifetwo [dot] com
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You must go to PerrieMenoPudge.com It's a new grown up cartoon for midlife women and those who love us. Very funny. Very true. Very empowering.

My best friend of 16 years told me recently that he doesn't love me any more -that he never really did - that I am only his best friend. He is 57 and I am 45. We met when we both were archaeology students at university and immediately made a strong connection. Each of us had gone back to school later in life and we had many common interests so we became fast friends. Several months after we met, he told me he was in love with me. I was surprised, but he was so interesting that I soon found myself head over heels for him. In the years that followed we have remained best friends and although we never married, had children or lived together, we have made a beautiful, rich life together. Solid as a rock. We do everything as a team and he was always so loving and caring toward me. I have grown to love him more each day and feel surrounded by sunshine when I am with him. We were going to grow old and share our lives together forever.
Now he says that he never really loved me, but he wants us to remain best friends. I am so devastated because I never saw it coming. After the death of a childhood friend he seemed to change. He started to doubt himself and wonder what the future held for him. He feels he wasted his life and thinks there is something missing. He said he wants us to still be best friends and to act like nothing has changed. For me, there are so many unanswered questions. He says there is not another woman and I believe him, but feel that it is only a matter of time before he starts looking.
Is he having a mid life crisis? He seems a little depressed. Maybe a lot depressed. When he first blurted out his true feelings for me (or lack thereof) I was so crushed that I couldn't see past my own hurt and I now realize that he is hurting too. I am very worried about his well being - and mine.
I don't want to lose him!!!! We are still friends (I hope) and do most of the same things as per usual, only he wants to be JUST friends. Not lovers, not partners, not companions as we were before. This is very difficult for me to handle. What should I do? I don't want to seem needy and cling to him because I fear this will drive him away even more (although I feel very much all of these things).
Is there hope for our relationship? Should I hang in there wishing he would change his mind? Or should I watch silently as he drifts away? Should I end it completely? Should I believe him when he says he still wants to be friends? I would give anything to go back to a happier time.

Everything you have said is the same as i my situation
The funny thing is that the men say the same words they
must have a script.
I heard a converstaion on his mobile between my husband
and another woman(who he met and has 'feelings' for)
lots of phone conversations, she is not married and
doesnt have children.. the exact opposite to our situation busy house, last three years of my mother ill, leading to her death, my bestfriend dying with cancer, his bestfreind with lyphoma, the triggers are
the same, but not in everyone.

He is at home we go out with the children and frien.
I feel that we love each other but are not in love any more.... it has taken me a year to realise this
i have not talked about it to him. I am hoping we can
get the spark back.....is this possible ...probably not. . . I think it is just a change of heart over a period of time you both get on with your lives....then its too late..they all say they are not needed the children do not need them anymore... he feels he is
siting alone in the house... IT IS HIM IT IS NOT YOU..
he tells me that too. I am just living with it and
trying to communicate .. i am financially sorting my acoounts out ......just in case.