Dear ALL

varied psychological research shows that sexual fidelity, love, emotion, and heartful loyalty are not all necessarily representative of a single phenomenon people tend to call "marriage".

Marriage is a union, a partnership - unlimited partnership that is - of two people whose intentions at the point of marriage were to SUPPORT EACH OTHER. That means, each party to this union, of their own volition, had a UNILATERAL intention to do maximum in their power to support the other party, irrespective of how that other party might see things.

This is what the older generations referred to as LOYALTY.

These people did it in hope that they are going to be embraced and taken care of. IN HOPE, not by premise of rational calculations.

This is where the emotional part comes to the picture.

And all components we just mentioned had an add-on of sexual relationship. However passionate it might have been, it often turns into the underlying basis for hope and emotions, but is still a separate thing... a kind of trigger - one of many possible triggers.

SO, my dear students, now we ask ourselves - has LOYALTY been the underlying basis for your particular marriage, are you certain you entered into the partnership in HOPE, or has it been a rationally calculated sex driven projection?!?!

Note: by "rationally calculated" i mean a kind of logic that goes "i deserve this and that because i have such and such traits... i trade my traits to get what i deserve".

One then recognises that a LOYALTY and HOPE - based marriage has no boundaries. It only has upside, irrespective of what happens in terms of sex, money, property - any and all your material posessions - as this union's premise is independent of those, it is stimulating and aims to bring out the best of the people.

Rationally calculated marriage has only static stability - once any of the underlying calculation factors go unbalanced, the union breaks. Note here, that perception of balance is highly specific to individual reasoning - no two people have identical perception of these things unless they communicate openly and very-very closely (which is unlikely in calculated relationships as their premise suggests)

Certainly, one might argue that people try to achieve the HOPE and LOYALTY state via initially entering into calculated projections stuff - but as underlying premises are so different, in trying to bridge these, one would expect people to be "calculating" to learn to forgive, learn to give away without looking back, learn to get rid of their calculating mentality per se in order to turn truly hopeful and loyal... instead people usually feed their egos, often fueled by their fears of unfair retribution (i.e. being given in return something that doesn't match their perception of fair trade practices between men and women).

And then you ask why people seek relationships outside?!?! You run arguements on how unemployed housewives can best hurt their hubbies since they find hubbies screwing someone after work or maybe at work?!... the other side then has hubbies looking to get different women to live with them after they succeed in securing their property from division at divorce???

WHY not look at your "fair trade" crap first ! There can be no fair trade because you don't want to be trading your LIVES !!

You want your lives to be filled with HOPE !!!
You want LOYALTY in your lives!!

Admit it bluntly and stop hiding from yourselves!

your own egos and pride are the root of all your troubles. and the problem is systemic because things that surround us all target further feeding of egos, soaring pride, and lack of understanding.

the one thing you can do for your relationship - is find a way to engage your "other half" into a discussion for HOPE and LOYALTY. if you believe they're not ready, you need to think of steps that could help lead the preparation... be that education, or travel together, or even studying together! ENGAGE!!

you do have to QUIT TRADING your life... and prevent others from doing so, no matter how great a seduction you face.

kindly - AIB