My wife developed new friendhsips in her life with unhealthy people, assessed my "shortcomings" after 13 years of what I thought was a solid marriage and took off at the advice of her new friends. She told me that I
m holding her back, that at 47 her husband should be man whose salary wouid put her in a bigger house, a newer car, travel,nogjhts out on the town, limitless credit cards...Her search so far has led her to match.com where she posted a deceptive profile of herself. Happy hunting.

It's been a year. I've been thinking a lot. I've unshelved some very promising projects that I put away becasue I just didn't have the time. I thought I would also begin to date, socialize with women, etc.

I got some wised advice froma friend. She said that I could choose to use the period after this divorce to explore inward, to become the person i was meant to be. The impulse and temptation, she said, is to get back out there and date - which could very well put me back in the same boat I am in now. I live in a northeastern city, a college town, with a huge single, divorced/single population. Women outnumber men.

It was wonderful advice. It made me stop and ask mself: "Do I want to use divorce as an opportunity to size up my life? Explore my strengths, find out how this marriage went haywire? Do I readjust so that I can enjoy the second half of my life? I don't want loneliness or neediness to be involved with someoen to chase me into another relationship so soon.

I feel like a made a ton of compromises to be married. Some parts of "myself" was supprassed to fit into this marriage mold. There is no need for that now. I probably have developed personal assets that I don't know I have. I have also grown.

I figure that I can stay connected to healthy acitivities and devotions - my daughter, my faith, work, friend, hobbies - and also spend quiet time thinking. It's quite difficult to do that with the pressures, responsibilities, drama of a budding relationship. My focus right now is health not so much as starting a new relationship. I'm confident thhat will come. I'm hoping that my 15 years of marriage, and this divorce contribute to me having a good life in my second half.