I am going through the same thing. 17 years married and she filed for divorce after I busted her in an emotional affair with another guy. I was devistated. I recommend reading a book called "He Said, She Said". It really explains the differences between what men and women need in a relationship. After reading it, I recognized that my wife was giving me all of my emotional needs which is why I thought everything was fine. However, almost none of HER emotional needs were being met. This had been going on for years and it finally got to a boiling point (more like exploding point). This just started three weeks ago. She has been ice cold since and refuses to acknowledge that there is a chance to work it out. She is reluctantly going to counseling, possibly on the advice of her attorney so it doesn't look bad for her in court.

In any event, get that book and BOTH of you need to read the book so BOTH of you can understand what the other is feeling and going through. Another book to read second is "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". That book too has perspectives for both men and women but I don't thikn it is as good as His Needs, Her Needs. While my wife seems to have built up concrete walls, I have not given up on our marriage.