Here's something a wrote a few months ago. I am still in and out of total desparation and hitting a lot of brick walls trying to find my way out. I would love to find an avenue that would allow for total change with out feeling like I'm messing up the lives of eveyone around me :( I have been going through this for about 9 months with no end in sight. Hope this helps!
Sandra

2-8-2008 -
I feel I need to re-evaluate my life and everything in it. Unfortunately, I feel trapped because I am a stay at home mom with young kids and the burden of uprooting everything, finding a job, day care, a place to live is just too much. I do have earning potential but it has been a LONG time since I have been "out there". My life is easy now except for the fact that my husband no longer finds me exciting or interesting and tells me every few days that he is just sticking it out temporarily and is pretty much "done" with the whole marraige thing and me. I'm really fighting for him but I really don't know if I even want to be here anymore. I've put up with his egomaniac, self-centered ways for so long, I don't even know what is acceptable anymore. I had a very breif but strong emotional affair that started to turn physical until my husband cut us off and shut him out of my life. I have a lot of resentment for not being able to end it on my terms or saying good bye (need closure!!) but I know in time I will get over that (I hope). My question is, how can I determine if this is worth fighting for? On the surface, he has provided for a great life and we always have fun together when we are around others. When we are alone, I feel like we have no connection at all and that he would rather be anywhere else. I want to have some control instead of just waiting for my husband to decide if he can stay with me or not. I want to stand up for myself but I'm so confused about where my life is headed and what I want I just can't figure anything out. I feel paralyzed. He says he thinks things will be fine as soon as I get over this "silly freak-out stage" I am going through. Please help.